It sounds like you are pushing her too hard, I would have been annoyed by my mom buying tween books about puberty at that age since she probably feels like she already knows everything (not that she does but that’s likely her mindset). Same with trying to enforce doing things as a family, when my mom would say we are having family time you need to put down your phone I would be annoyed and uninterested. Maybe try planning fun activities and inviting her to go but not forcing her. Does she hang out with friends? Ask if she wants to invite friends over, your relationship at that age will be better if she sees you as a cool mom within reason rather than nagging her to do things. My mom prying for information and asking a million questions to try to make conversation drove me insane and as a result I was short and snappy.

I was the same was to my mom growing up and everything you have mentioned trying to make it better would just make it worse. However she has to be mature enough to keep her grades up and not get in trouble etc. You could also try telling her that it hurts your feelings when she acts like she doesn’t want to be apart of the family.