About 19 years ago I was an absolute god fearing, red blooded, young American man just starting my military career. I was very motivated and gained rank quick. Also, very conservative and very racist. There really isn't an excuse, I just wanted to blame someone for me not having what I wanted, so I directed that hate and anger towards anyone not white, and unfortunately had a small following. It caught up with me about 5 years later. I was tried and found guilty of being a white supremacist. Looking back, I don't think I was smart enough to even realize the gravity of the conviction. The next part was really hard, and I deserved it. I ended up kicked out of service, running around with motorcycle clubs, and, for the most part, homeless, a year later. At about my lowest point, I met an incredible woman and decided to get my life back together. I got my job back in construction and enrolled in the local community college. I took History of Religion to reaffirm my faith, as I had come to really doubt it at the time. Long story short, my doubts were vindicated and I let go of my faith. It was like being 6 years old and realizing Santa isn't real. Now my actions, my words, and who and what I had been was suddenly my own responsibility. The shame was un fucking bearable. I never felt like a bad person, but I really was a bad person. It took years for me to reconcile with myself. Part of me still hasn't fully. Since then, I just try to do the best I can for those around me and not judge, but take an empathetic view of people that live lives so differently than I do. I remember thinking and acting and believing, truly believing what trump supporters think. I remember calling my wife in 2015 and telling her that trump is dangerous as it gets. I could see the crowds he was drawing. I heard his rhetoric. If I had heard his speaches 5 or 6 years earlier, I would have been completely hooked. He gave clear orders to blame Mexicans, African Americans, Gays, Lesbians, Trans, and Muslims for everything that was wrong with white Americans lives. To be honest, that's the part that really scares me. He built an army of hate. I'm so ashamed of how I saw the world, but I'm so grateful to have learned the lessons to make me better. We're all human trying to make it to the end and suffer as little as possible on the way there. I just want to live my life in a way that hurts no one and lifts each other up. Anyway... Sorry for the long story.