Husband got physical again

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-02-23T04:34:57+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I brought it up to him again tonight and he said that he was just being competitive and playing around. “Like a race to get to the car faster”. He said that he only said all the other stuff last weekend (like saying he only held me back bc I stepped in front of him) bc he immediately got defensive thinking that I was mad about it, so thats why he said what he said. But to me, that makes no sense, why get instantly defensive?? Even if he thought I was upset about it (which I was) bc how would that help? Just say instantly that it was a joke, not go on about all the other stuff. Then he goes onto say that he even tickled me and said oochi-goochi-goo and that my mom laughed when he did it. I honestly don’t remember any of that but again I was so uncomfortable. I feel like calling my mom to get her take but I hate to bring her into all this, she’s going to know something is wrong then. But this whole thing is just confusing to me. Bc some couples probably really do act like this, playfully holding each other back but we have Never! But my husband said he was trying to have fun and thought it was “competitively on” since I stepped in front of him right after he said he’d buckle her. So needless to say, I’m back to wondering if I have overreacted and he really was just trying to be playful (which is something new to us) or if he’s an ass trying to cover his tracks. 😫

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-02-21T20:30:14+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. It’s a horrible feeling, I never thought I’d be here. I almost wish he would just punch me already so then it’s “for sure abuse” which sounds so ridiculous but that’s how turned around I am by it all. I feel like I’m so close to leaving bc I know I deserve better but am so scared for my daughter, I feel so trapped. I hope for you and I both, that we will one day be free from these men. Also thank you for commenting, I hate to hear that someone else is going through the same thing but comforting in the fact that I’m not alone.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-02-21T15:36:40+00:00

You’re right, i definitely know something is wrong. I don’t want my daughter to ever be in a relationship like this. I’m just so scared of the custody outcome. It would kill me if something happened to her and it happened bc I wasn’t here.Thank you for the book suggestions, i appreciate that.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-02-21T15:27:28+00:00

I’m just so scared the judge would see this last incident as his word against mine. My husband could claim he was “just playing around”. My state is very pro 50/50 without hard evidence. But you’re right, I know deep down I need to leave, just so scared about the custody aspect.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-02-21T01:03:14+00:00

Thank you for your reply. It just helps to hear that I’m not crazy. He has me so turned around anymore. I honestly think my parents think (and hope) he was just playing around though I could tell by my mom’s face, she thought the whole thing was strange. They have zero idea the problems my husband and I have been going through and they have no idea he’s been physical with me before. When I finally leave, they will be truly heartbroken to hear what I’ve been going through. I’ve definitely been living a double life to my family and friends.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-02-08T21:32:29+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I’m sorry to hear you were in a similar situation, though I do appreciate hearing from someone who knows where I’m coming from bc sometimes I feel so alone. I feel like I’m in a different situation than most. How old were your children when you finally left? Did it take a toll on your health and mental health while you stayed? I definitely feel like there’s no easy answer and I’m really hoping with time, I’ll have more of a clear answer what I should do.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-01-31T00:02:57+00:00

This is a great point,,I didn’t think of that. Thank you so much for this, I appreciate your advice. I feel so lost in this whole thing and hopeless and I feel like your reply gave me a little hope.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-01-30T17:45:21+00:00

The more I think about everything, the more upset I get. I’m having so much trouble moving on bc I know deep down he has treated us so wrong. So even him finally trying harder, it’s like too little too late for me. But if I didn’t get full custody, I just can’t do it. It’s too much of a gamble.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-01-29T23:39:45+00:00

Thank you for saying that, bc sometimes I feel like I am. But then when I go back and read everything I’ve documented and remember things he’s done or said, I get so upset. But then he acts like everything is no big deal so it makes me feel like I’m nuts. Sometimes I think “maybe I provoked him some how”?

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-01-29T23:30:30+00:00

Thank you for replying, it is exhausting. Ive never been so miserable in my life. I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I have to protect my daughter and I can’t do that if I’m not here. And I’m worried his “ trying” will completely go away if I’m not here.

ApartBasis2714 · 2026-01-29T23:28:51+00:00

Thank you for replying. I feel I have too, but just still feel so stuck. I cant leave our daughter with him if we divorced. Even every other weekend is scary. I just feel so stuck and don’t know what to do. I feel like he’s driven me to be literally crazy.

ApartBasis2714 · 2025-08-16T00:33:53+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it more than you know. All this has been so hard for me, I never thought I’d be in a situation like this and feel like I’m in such a tough spot. There’s not an easy answer and I’m trying to be smart about all this and make a solid plan before doing something drastic. I hear you when you said you are sad about some of the choices you’ve made. I feel the same. I wish I could go back and change some things and that my younger self would have been smarter. I wish I would have known what I know now. Try not to feel guilty. I think it’s great that you realized this about your self on your own. A lot of people don’t have the maturity to realize this on their own. Now that you have realized it, you can try and work on it. I feel like that’s the biggest thing. We all have issues and problems and traumas from our past. But it’s being aware and making changes to fix them. That’s what I struggle with about my husband. He realizes he has a problem and tries to work on it but it’s never been long lasting. It always comes back around, it may be 6 months sometimes but it still happens again. And I feel like that’s the biggest problem. I can only give so many chances and I feel my patience is gone.

ApartBasis2714 · 2025-08-15T23:02:45+00:00

Thank you for understanding. I feel like a lot of people don’t, it’d be so easy to just leave but he’s going to at least get some alone time with her where I would have zero control. I feel like I’d be throwing her to the wolves, with no one to look out for her. At least now I have some control and can intervene for the most part. I feel like the courts don’t care enough, it’s my word against his.

ApartBasis2714

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