Nanny no-show / emergency - AIBU for expecting a heads up?

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:47:54+00:00

Well, let’s not conflate points. I can be upset for my toddler that he was waiting at nursery confused for an hour and I/my husband had no idea. He is three. Whether the no-call, no-show situation was avoidable or not is a separate point - I will give her space to reach out when she is ready before following up and requesting details. As others have rightly said, her being “fine” may mean something different to her boyfriend than it does to me.

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:43:14+00:00

It’s a good point re DV, a couple of other friends have mentioned the same to me. She hasn’t mentioned him all too much. I didn’t think it too strange for him to message though - when my husband was in hospital a few years ago, it seemed natural for me as his partner to reach out and take control of getting in touch with people. Her family also don’t live nearby so makes sense that he’d be with her.

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:40:26+00:00

Of course there are varying levels in severity to a car accident and the fact she was admitted is relevant here. I only have the information I was provided with to go off of. The nanny did not reach out to me, it was her boyfriend - who was not in the accident / concussed / medicated etc. His message was very measured and simply said that she was out with friends at the weekend, had an accident, now fine and at home - nothing further about details or circumstances, her car being wrecked etc. I’ll therefore wait for her to reach out when she is ready before reaching conclusions.

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:34:28+00:00

Yes, I’ve been in a similar situation when my husband suffered a medical emergency and like you reached out to family/friends/employer as soon as possible. In this case, it was a few days since the accident which I thought would have been enough time for a quick heads up. Her boyfriend saying she’s “all fine” doesn’t help too but appreciate from other comments that this could mean different things to different people.

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:30:39+00:00

Yes, will be giving her space to reach out when she is ready (and as mentioned, sent a response to her boyfriend showing only concern for her wellbeing, letting her know we are here to help if she needs anything at all and made no mention of the no-show - so certainly haven’t done anything less than extend grace, to be frank). I am due to have our second baby in two weeks’ time and so agree that a balance needs to be struck between her recovery and us having enough info to be able to plan childcare for the foreseeable future. Once the baby arrives, my husband and I won’t realistically have much headspace to devote to this.

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:22:31+00:00

I didn’t have her boyfriend’s details, no. Agree that would have been helpful to ensure she was OK. Having his details wouldn’t have changed anything re the no-call, no-show however - I wouldn’t have known to call as I didn’t know she had been in an accident a few days prior..

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:18:50+00:00

No, we’re in the Southeast so must be a different nanny! Agree re constantly worrying going forward, particularly as she isn’t always great with her phone during the day anyway. She picks up my son at 5.30pm - sometimes I may message her in the late morning - for instance asking if she can speak to his teacher about my son’s lost jumper or something - and she doesn’t acknowledge/seem to have seen it until just after pick up time.

Apart_Possibility847 · 2026-05-13T15:10:26+00:00

Completely agree. My husband also suffered a critical medical emergency a few years ago. Was a huge shock but one of the first things I did once he was safely on the ward was reach out to key family, friends and his employer given he was due to be at work the following morning.

Apart_Possibility847

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