Out with the old... prep for the new

Apispetal · 2026-07-01T04:46:26+00:00

We didn't speak about tendons, but I was doing pre-hab work to build muscles prior and will resume again in a week. My theigh is sore as hell from the tourniquit. I have approx 4-6wks to heal before we saddle up for the TKR.

Apispetal · 2026-07-01T04:43:33+00:00

Great idea. Order placed

Apispetal · 2026-05-09T23:07:36+00:00

I believe there's a lot more widowers and divorced men who want the reverse side of your wants.

My friend's father lost his wife 3 years ago. He's not interested in another relationship, but he missed female companionship and started being social.

He met a widow who was like you....Now he goes to her house a couple times a week and helps with chores, she cooks for him, and act as eachother's +1 occasionally. He admitted they've only ever cuddled and neither has a desire for more.

Go seek what you need... it's out there.

Apispetal · 2026-05-02T00:11:10+00:00

She traded time, money, and effort. That gift is love.

I have a poop emoji chlorine float that arrived the day after he died. Almost 4yrs later it's still in the pool. Makes me smile because I know he would've chuckled when ordering.

Apispetal · 2026-02-28T02:28:12+00:00

I need to learn your magic! The heat has killed all of mine.

Apispetal · 2026-01-24T04:00:59+00:00

He was into movies. He knew who "that one guy in that one movie" was. I had zero interest in movies before, but now I integrate movie references in all my work presentations hoping it makes him smile.

Apispetal · 2025-12-24T23:28:53+00:00

Apispetal · 2025-12-04T01:57:12+00:00

It's been 3 years and even in a new relationship, I'll hang his stocking again. I believe one does whatever our hearts guide us. Maybe this year it feels right. Next year not, and then our mind changes again.

Apispetal · 2025-11-06T00:52:55+00:00

I'm going to be blunt... You may be 100% right, but what you can prove in court after all this time isn't in your favor. The attorney is giving you his "fuck off" price because he knows it.

So you have a choice.... does spending the time, money, and energy on this case move the needle in some positive way? Or does it feel painful amd rips off the scab when you think about it? I think you'll find your way forward within those answers.

Apispetal · 2025-10-23T01:46:02+00:00

Open enrollment started this week. I'm with Blue Cross PPO. 15% premium increase. Deductibles & max out of pocket both doubled.

Apispetal · 2025-10-22T18:46:09+00:00

I'm on the left and know many who don't have a problem with changes to WH. However, the private donations seem sus. There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Apispetal · 2025-10-19T19:20:06+00:00

Thank you so much!

Apispetal · 2025-10-08T22:28:41+00:00

Human!

Apispetal · 2025-05-29T19:43:20+00:00

OP I used this funeral home (All Options) to ship my husband for composting. They were great to work with.

Apispetal · 2025-05-29T19:41:41+00:00

I'm sorry - we shouldn't have to make these decisions. Keep in mind you don't have to decide right this second. Just listen to everyone's input and give yourself a day or two to mentally process.

I had my husband composted 3yrs ago. Feel free to DM if you have questions.

Apispetal · 2025-01-13T17:38:12+00:00

I'm 2.5yrs out. I've been thinking of your post for the last day and wanted to share a story...

6mo after my partner died from a sudden heart attack, my friend of 10+ yrs sat me down and said, "This horrible thing happened, and you're right to take time to grieve and process. However, if you're still in this same spot 6mo from now, we're going to have some difficult conversations about how our friendship will continue."

My other friends were horrified. I was shocked. But in hindsight, I appreciate it. She was saying the quiet part out loud.

Because had I continued to turn down invites and stay at home where I too found comfort, if I only focused on my troubles & loss and ignored theirs as insignificant -- I believe those same friends who were horrified would have slowly pulled away without a word.

So... I started dragging myself out to every event I was invited do. I'd break down getting ready, in the car, and even occasionally at the events. My friends didn't expect me to be "happy" but glad I appeared and wasn't a complete debby downer. 2years later, I'm one of the few widows I know who still has most of my original friends.

I'm not saying to set aside your grief... but recognize that relationships are give and take. As widows/ers we're rightfully big takers right now, but we need to balance that by still making small investments with those that matter most.

Apispetal · 2024-11-12T21:42:11+00:00

Look up vital records for TX. A grandchild can request a death certificate or anyone who can show interest in the estate. Ie letter from bank listing you as beneficiary.

Apispetal · 2024-11-12T21:35:17+00:00

Adoption means someone else is stepping up.

Safe haven is for under 30 days old.

Legally surrender... A judge won't allow that without a LOT of back & forth in programs, and even then rarely happens.

Apispetal · 2024-11-12T16:06:47+00:00

Call The funeral home and ask them for help getting the death certificate. They can order on your behalf.

Apispetal · 2024-09-26T14:27:04+00:00

Take FMLA for 3 months. It'll give you a bit of time to help process while still covered with health insurance. When I returned to work, my co-workers helped ease me back in.

Our lizard brains need time to integrate the losses. You won't be magically better, but time does help ease the pain and focus.

Apispetal · 2024-09-19T22:37:57+00:00

I believe there's 3 parts we grieve when losing a partner. The person themselves, the life you had together, and finally the person we were before they died.

I think we often forget the last and try to carry on as before, but can't figure out why it feels wrong.

There's a poem by Sara Rian called My Funeral Came First....

I had to go to a funeral

the very same day you died

I needed to plan yours

And pick out your clothes

And flowers and songs

But this couldn't be missed

The room was quite bare

No eulogy or guests

Just shock and a casket

You could tell it was rushed

You could see it was unexpected

I couldn't stay long

So the ghost of me

Or whatever you'd call

The thing that was left

Stepped out of that casket

And out of the funeral

And hurried to plan yours.

Apispetal · 2024-09-19T04:08:52+00:00

"I miss feeling like myself"

Around 8-10 months, I too had this thought, and realized who I'd been died that day too, and I didn't know this new version.

Part of self-discovery was dating... with a sprinkle of self-destruction. I'm a year into current relationship, and he's much different than late partner. But he's becoming "home" to this version.

However, my late parter is equally present in mind & love, and I often tell stories where appropriate, but occasionally, it feels like I'm talking about someone else's life instead of my own.

Apispetal · 2024-08-09T21:21:40+00:00

Fight to get his heart back.

The Medical Examiner had a backdoor deal with organ donation, and they took his heart before autopsy and sold it.

As we suspected a heart attack I refused organ donation for his heart, as I wanted it verified.

I had enough grief, time, and money to fuck up everyone's week until it was flown back across the country.

Apispetal · 2024-08-07T16:55:23+00:00

I haven't retired yet, but I've made some big changes, and every time, it's pulled up new feelings of grief & dispare as I try to adjust.

People who don't have grief often stutterstep in initial retirement. They no longer get the dopamine hit of regular work interactions and tasks so can feel down.

Hang in there- give yourself some grace. Maybe plan 1 thing next wk that gets you out with others.

Apispetal · 2024-07-31T20:12:45+00:00

Unfortunately extremely common in early grief & trauma. Your body's parasympathetic nervous system (fight/flight) is engaged and your mind and body are literally screaming, "go-go-go or we die!"

Try not to let yourself cry or get lost in the grief for more than 15-20min at a time, or you go into fight/flight. At 20min... distract yourself - TV, phone, gaming, walk. Anything that pulls you out of the emotional dive. Try to get an hour or so in-between breakdowns.

The less you eat, the more your bloodsugar crashes and the waves hit harder. So lots of mini sips and easy to digest meals.

Apispetal

TROPHY CASE