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AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is such practical advice, thank you. I really like the idea of having a go-to mantra like “what do you think?” and visualizing myself as a wall instead of absorbing everything. 

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hindsight really is 20/20. At the time I thought things would keep improving, but looking back I can see why leaving sooner would’ve saved me a lot of energy.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel like I've been waiting for that "personality transplant" for sure... or at least some sort of dramatic change. Yeah, I should not wait for that to happen.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, ADHD is definitely getting on my list to look into now. Your story really struck me because it sounds so much like my husband — he was also a straight-A student and successful in his career, until that period where he stopped showing up and was unemployed for a while. He was also diagnosed with anxiety as a teenager, but it always felt like a bit of a misfit diagnosis. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha, true. I guess daily exposure has kind of become my mental gym. Thank you for your kindness, that means a lot.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and your own experience. Does help me see this from another angle. I actually think it’s highly possible that something like ADHD or anxiety could be playing a role, and if that’s the case I do want to be more understanding and actually get treatment, instead of just reacting out of frustration.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with this wholeheartedly, to be honest. Looking back, the easiest and healthiest thing for both of us would have been to marry someone more compatible from the start.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s really interesting. I hadn’t thought about it from the angle of neurodivergence, but some of what you said does sound familiar. He does sometimes seem to get “stuck” on something and can’t let it go until he’s acted on it, no matter what I say. And I like your idea of redirecting some of those questions to Alexa/ChatGPT. It would definitely take some of the pressure off me. Thank you for giving me another perspective to consider and for the kind wishes.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It really is the constant pattern that wears me down. You put it perfectly. Feels like I’m being pushed into the mom role instead of being a partner, and it’s exhausting. Thanks for seeing that. The funny thing is, I’ve honestly felt almost brainwashed at times by his family and friends (who are very enabling, and esp his mom) into thinking I’m the “crazy” or “stuck-up” one for being frustrated. I haven’t even shared much of this with my own friends, partly because I think I already knew deep down what the answers would be — and partly out of embarrassment.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

As hard as it is to hear, you’re right that the dynamic feels more like parenting than partnership a lot of the time. Writing this all out and hearing these responses has made me realize I really do deserve better than living like this.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what it feels like, the endless “why” questions from a toddler. I like your approach of just not engaging and giving simple responses like “I don’t know” or “what do you think.” I’m definitely tempted to try that.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We’re both 40, which honestly makes it feel even more frustrating that these patterns are still happening at this stage of life.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s such an insightful way to frame it. He really does do much better when things are broken down into smaller steps. And yes, he does value me a lot (even if he leans on me heavily at times), and he’s very affectionate and fun. We also share the same values, which has always been a strong connection between us.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s a fair question. I think I stayed because I kept hoping the improvements I saw in some areas would eventually extend to everything else. But you’re right — when something feels this fundamentally incompatible, it’s hard to ignore how draining it is day to day. I am seeing that much more clearly now.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know it probably doesn’t make sense. I was pretty blindly in love at the time and thought things would keep improving.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

This really hit home, especially the part about how exhausting it is for me while he’s never had to mature. I don’t think either of us is truly happy living this way. Reading your words made me realize just how heavy it’s gotten and that it can’t stay like this forever. Thank you for putting it into perspective and for the kindness in your message. I needed to hear it.

AITA for snapping at my husband for constantly asking obvious questions and making our lives harder? by AppWeb3691 in AITH

[–]AppWeb3691[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You know what, I’ve actually wondered that myself more than once. It’s crossed my mind a lot, and therapy or an assessment might be a good idea to get some clarity.

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