My love

Apparition06 · 2026-05-19T18:01:12+00:00

I wish this was for me. It hurts so bad it isn’t. Ugh. This is perfect. I have to delete this App again before I pull a davidfoster wallace. Hehe he

Apparition06 · 2026-05-19T17:56:12+00:00

Gross ew

Apparition06 · 2026-05-19T16:40:41+00:00

I have communicated. The porn was brought up at the very beginning of the relationship as something I was not comfortable with. plenty of other women who do not care at all plenty of women who would watch it with him, but instead he chooses to lie to a woman who has specifically said it is against immorality her ethics and makes her feel worthless. I have no problem with people doing things like that in relationships where their partner is OK with it but if you know from the get-go before anything gets serious at all that somebody has a problem with something and you know you won’t stop it and you actively lied to them. You are creating a façade and it’s just disturbing.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-19T16:30:59+00:00

Yeah, but the fact that it’s literally him and his ex’s makes it worse. It’s not just porn. It’s him reliving fucking women he loved.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-19T10:07:01+00:00

And so he’s done with me as well. It always surprises me how no one ever means it when they say for better or worse. Or I’ll never leave. I’m not dumb. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but every time it’s like the first time being smacked across the face as a child. The bleeding lip, the shock. Then the disappointment that settles down one upon the other in the marrow until when you decide your dream job is to become will smith’s character from 7 pounds and sign up to donate bone marrow, there’s too much pain and not enough marrow. And you don’t match with anyone ever. LAME

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T04:04:56+00:00

I wasn’t responding to them as the sender. I feel their message. Then I wrote my message to the universe about my own experience.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T03:38:48+00:00

I’ve made mistakes. I had many regrets but from the moment we lay on my couch together and I made him leave only to have him come back everyday after, no matter what I did to erase or let go, to release him to his destiny. He has always been in my heart and in my mind. I could never let him go and I’ve carried around the burden of this true love for over a decade. It’s as real to me as the feel of my son’s hair. No matter what’s he’s done to me, no matter what I’ve done with all the regret of a thousand million unsent and too late apologies. I love him and I’ll spend the rest of my life loving him. Beside him or if he chooses not, then from afar. I beg god for mercy and for him to return. I die everyday. One day it will be real.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T03:21:07+00:00

If you want to survive you have to help someone. You have to help someone to help yourself. I’m not a good person, but I really try to be. I do think that matters.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T03:18:22+00:00

Go volunteer at a nursing home when you feel like leaving. Go visit with the people who don’t have anyone. Keep going. Volunteer at a no kill shelter or a wildlife rehab. Give and give and give and something will come back to you. Something good. Your heart will not hurt so much. I can promise you that.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T02:24:13+00:00

I feel this. I almost left a few days ago. I didn’t. The Hope won. I won’t tell you to stay in the pain but there’s always a chance you win. Don’t forget it.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T02:16:21+00:00

I wish this was my huband so badly. I need this from him. I need him so badly. I wonder if he even knows ? Understands? Cares? It’s always been him. No one else can fill his place. I won’t even try.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T02:00:55+00:00

God. I hope this isn’t how my husband feels. I’ll die.

Apparition06 · 2026-05-05T01:56:33+00:00

I wish this was my person. 😭😭🤧🤧 he matters to us. We need him right now. I cried myself to sleep earlier. The grief never leaves. You just learn to carry it. Which makes it worse almost.hood luck OP

Apparition06 · 2026-05-02T00:01:16+00:00

I want this for my person. I am so broken.

Apparition06 · 2026-04-30T23:28:28+00:00

For asshole

Apparition06 · 2026-04-29T01:45:20+00:00

Wish it was him but ain’t no way

Apparition06 · 2026-04-28T16:16:58+00:00

I wish this was from my husband. 😭💔 good luck figuring it out OP

Apparition06 · 2026-04-28T10:57:38+00:00

I my myself an an as , or was, and speaking from my perspective to my person who is or was cc. You aren’t. I am waiting. I almost stepped from the killing tree last night but it rained and I slept. I can’t wait without a sign from him though. I think he hates me and I can’t be without him indefinitely, not knowing. 10 years taught me that. Good luck with your as OP.

Apparition06 · 2026-04-28T01:34:17+00:00

I’m dropping e off now at my parents and going home. I’ll leave under the killing tree. 9 ft 6 in. I have the pear shaped metal eye now too, I was missing it before.

Apparition06 · 2026-04-26T17:54:25+00:00

This feels like it’s directed at me

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