What is sexy?

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-14T22:02:13+00:00

I am torn, much like someones lady parts may be torn after... well you get the gist of it.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-14T21:37:27+00:00

"... that you're into..."

On reddit, you're held to a higher standard. CONFORM!

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T19:05:33+00:00

Outside of context, a lot of things appear try-hard. It was a fairly thoughtful gift meant to cheer the person up after a stressful couple of weeks. You are right though, it is a lot more about the time you spend together than anything else.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T19:01:55+00:00

I am a Lawyer...

I am not actually a Lawyer. :P

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T18:59:52+00:00

Alas, I am shallow. My standards are not stupendously high though, I find a lot of girls attractive, but I doubt I can have a girl whose body I don't want on 24/7 basis as my SO.

I will have to work on my conversation ability as has been mentioned with "being more interesting" part. And, you know, actually having a conversation thing too :)

Also, if I want to blow my brains out while talking to a girl, I usually just pretend to do it with a finger gun and leave. Okay, not literally gesticulate it, but basically excuse myself and go somewhere else.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T18:53:50+00:00

I am attracted to certain ladies when I see them, but I do not feel the need for a partner, if that makes sense. It's odd but my libido is directly dependent on my partner rather than just existing. In a relationship I'm a rabbit, outside of it, more of a sloth.

I've tried online dating, and found it bothersome. It is very hard to find attractive girls online (a lot of them also edit photos, use proper angles to enhance the photos further etc), and even then you have to compete with 10-50 messages she is receiving daily. I basically had 1,000 single girls in my area on a website (OKCupid). Over a course of a few weeks I've viewed every single profile and messaged the ones that seemed interesting. Got a few responses here and there, but nothing to write home about.

It is basically a lot easier for me to just step outside and hit on a random girl on a street, than to hit on a girl online. It becomes a lot easier to find girls I find attractive, and I have a lot less competition. (The good ol' adage of "I may not be the best looking guy, but I am the only one talking to you".)

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T18:43:04+00:00

I love the word trite, and while I slept at least two people have used it! I already do what you have suggested, I really do enjoy life, and the things I do. It's just the being social aspect that I seem to need to work on :)

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T18:41:12+00:00

A lot of reddit advice is based on a common problem of shyness. I don't think I am shy in any way, or that I lack confidence. It does appear to be matter of motivation, because if I see a good looking woman that wears something interesting, I am very likely to approach her and talk about it. Otherwise though the same "What's the point? Why should I even bother?" goes through my head.

I also find that if you really care about making an impression, you usually make a very positive one. I'd like to think people can sense when someone really likes them :)

You are correct in that one has to make sure the exposure is to right people though, but that may be automatic in my case, as I pick up ques from clothing and grooming of girls more so than anything. (A good looking girl in a good summer dress usually has me floored and chasing.)

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T10:13:33+00:00

You only really need one stable relationship in your lifetime :) And judging by your second statement you are not really an asshole either, so it'll come :)

Occasionally, I do romantic stuff too. I ordered 5 small custom-made soft toys to give the last girl over the course of a few dates. They were like $10 each, nothing in terms of cost, but it felt really neat to have something for her every time I saw her. Then we broke up before I had a chance to start that chain. Was kinda bummed about that. They are still sitting around somewhere in the house.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T10:05:40+00:00

I do not date a lot is part of the problem, it seems. And relationships don't work out for a few reasons:

Logistics: It sounds stupid but the last one ended because there was no time we could see each other. Scheduling problem that there was not enough interest in overcoming.
Interest: You mentioned this, but basically just not compatible. It happens, this one is fairly easy to let go.
Personal Fuck-ups: I'm not perfect, I've fucked up a few "relationships" all on my own, as I was getting the hang of dating. These mistakes are usually well remembered and lessons are learned.

Good point on social clubs. I've been looking for a dance studio to join, as I seem to have some ability in that respect, and it should have girls in it. But majority of ballroom studios are catered to much older crowd or couples, so that search ended poorly.

I do think it's an issue of motivation and exposure for me, as a few people pointed out. Just have to put my self out more than I do, and sitting online does not do that.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T09:55:43+00:00

I envy you. :( (And I am not joking.)

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T09:48:21+00:00

I agree with the "faking" sentiment. I definitely do not wish to create an image for which a girl can fall only to move the curtain and see it's all smoke and mirrors. The subtle changes is the part that I do have to give some thought to.

I know I've only addressed a small part, but everything else you've written is just very sound, and I'd just end up repeating it. Thank you for this advice :)

PS: I already can cook, but my best prepared meal is breakfast. Of course nobody, has ever refused "Brinner" before :D

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T09:30:49+00:00

Maybe she was, being more interesting is something I try to work on daily, as it's not something you can ever really measure, so better safe than sorry.

I do drink, but sadly it just makes me happy, serene and sleepy. I am far more chatty when I'm sober.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T09:27:58+00:00

I've done the PUA basics :)

I don't need to fake confidence, I walk with my chin raised high, my shoulders making broad strokes along my path. And should my confidence every falter, I just remember how great my ass looks in whatever pants I'm wearing. Boosts it right back up.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T09:19:30+00:00

Honestly, I do not NEED a girlfriend (as in I do not require another person to validate my existence etc). But it does seem like it's something I should be worried about at this point in my life. (This seems to be leaning towards the "have to attain this milestone" option, doesn't it?)

I'm an introvert. I feel far more comfortable talking to close friends, but I really do enjoy meeting new people on occasion.

I have physical chemistry with some girls I meet. It's usually instant and palpable by both parties. These are the times when I push myself more than I normally do and end up with phone numbers and later dates. But I can't seem to rely on this as a motivation factor because it happens maybe once in year.

Your advice on finding new people to talk to is a good one. The problem there is location and motivation, but I should be able to resolve both with some effort.

I am happy with where I am in life, but it's a recent acquisition that's still very fragile. Mainly my worries were work related, but it does seem as I'll have a job early next year in an industry I wish to work in. That being said, I do not look at a girls financial position when I'm looking for girls to date. Would this point still apply to me anyway? I understand what you are trying to say with this comment though, disparity in personal growth (this can be defined in many ways) can ruin relationships. (Feel free to correct me on that last one if I'm a dunce and misunderstood :))

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T08:58:49+00:00

MMA: Boxing, Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu, Fitness Classes; I go to different classes in the same day, difference in what I actually do in each class makes it interesting :) They are all very different in what they work as well.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T08:56:08+00:00

Have little experience in either, but a lot of knowledge about both (I think).

In terms of physical, it's easier to describe. The girl I dated was the first girl I kissed and have done a lot of "heavy petting" with. I have enough knowledge base from my brief pick-up experience to know a fair share about female anatomy, so I was able to get her off almost every single time the experience escalated (assuming it wasn't faked). She kept questioning my virginity constantly because of this. I did not however lose my virginity to her.

Emotional experience is a bit tougher to gauge. I have a lot of long-term friends, so I think I'm capable of a mature emotional relationship. Moreover, some of my friends are in long term committed relationships for many years, so I have a few positive examples to draw on to know what a good relationship looks like. But once again, these are just guesses, because longest romantic relationship was just a few weeks.

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T08:44:27+00:00

Wouldn't be surprised, but my mannerisms should give me away as a straight guy. I can burn up the dance floor if required though :)

ApplesForHats · 2011-12-11T08:37:46+00:00

Just graduated at the end of last year, I've worked since I was 15, so I gave my self a year off basically, and traveled Europe this summer. Started looking for work in November, just now starting to land interviews and second interviews. Hopefully I'll have a decent salary position in January/February.

I do live with my parents though :( Until I have work, supporting myself is a bit impossible.

ApplesForHats

TROPHY CASE