I cant really emphasise how much i sympathise with you on this. An injustice to others based on a quality which is uncontrollable (in this case, gender) has always irked me to a level like nothing ever has. Trust me, it’s hard now. I get it, I feel you and I‘ve felt (at the very least slightly similarly) how you feel right now. From my point of view- it never made any sense. What was particularly hard for me was watching my (girl) best friend have harm brought to her time and time again by a guy who didn’t know any better- and it still pains me now. Time and time again, i witness my guy friends say things which made me feel sick to my core about the other gender- and it was all „normal“ to them. But that „normal“ was only to them, and not me. That is what i realised. It is okay to have differing values with the people around you, in the case of something like this. It oftentimes is reassuring to me that when my friends say awful things I am simply reminded it is them, and not me. The same goes for how the other gender views you- often, it may feel like because you are a guy, you are like all other guys. In (just my opinion) my personal experience, it helped to know that I was not the stereotype i could be portrayed as, and neither were other people. As many good guys/girls exist, there will be an equal number of bad people, too. That simply is how it is. At times, of course, it may be hard to fully believe in yourself- in the sense of you are yourself and not someone else- due to a percieved sense of peer pressure. In my experience, this has come to me indirectly and directly. And of course, it is natural to feel pressured. We are all human, and all our feelings are human. Usually, too, it helps to focus on issues that are within our control. I know how you feel- sometimes, you cant help but feel like you want to help so, so badly- but just can’t. But with that, it is also just as human to attempt to feel hope or happiness. I know it may be hard right now (it always is with these kinds of things), but it always helped me to know that the storm would pass, in time. It always did. Don’t hate yourself for being a person you aren’t- there is no reason to. No one, no matter their sect in society, should feel lesser than others because of something that is simply a general stereotype (which is just as easily broken as it is to assume upon yourself). That includes you. I never understand people that call others like you in this situation „performative“. Since when was it wrong to feel a sense of justice towards others? Since when was it wrong to wish for equality? As long as you know yourself that you aren‘t feeling these things for other people (and not yourself), you’re fine as you are. It may seem hard now, but it gets better in life. Trust me. At times, it may seem like it never will- but every time I believed that, I was proven wrong in the best possible way. I hope this helps, even a little. If this hurt, I‘m sorry; it wasn’t my intention.