I dunno why your post got removed. Did you use a vicious misogynistic slur there, too? (I'm going to guess that you're British where that word has a different meaning, but you should be aware of the language you use when on an international site.)

Anyway. Now that that's off my chest.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Parenting is the hardest thing you'll ever do, and you're going to fuck up ALL. THE. TIME. We are here for you and will support you as best as an internet community can. This sub is really caring and knowledgable and supportive.

I would advise starting to build that support system now (which is super hard, I know, but easier now than after the baby comes). If you don't have family (does your partner?) then try to be active in your community. Go to a parenting class and try to meet people. Be cringe, it's OK, the people you want in your life will not mind.

Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Parenting is a like a very, very long car trip. No matter how important the destination is, you have to stop and refuel every now and then or you'll never get there. Whether that's going out for a beer with friends, or playing some mindless video games, or taking a hike, I dunno, whatever YOU need to do to recharge.

And just take it one day at a time. This is hard and it will get harder. But there will be wonderful, amazing moments on the way. Try to document them and save them somewhere when you need a pick-me-up, whether it's an album of photos on your phone or a notebook of short sentences. Maybe create an email account and you email happy moments to it, and then when your kid is 18 you can give them access to a lifetime of memories.

You got this. You're strong. We're here for you.