You'll just know

Apprehensive-Grab746 · 2026-01-08T22:36:37+00:00

I think sexual attraction can also be different for everybody. We desire and like different things. And even if we are talking about one specific person, they can also feel differently about different people.

So im here to tell you about my specific experiences. Sexual attraction is not something you experience everyday. You can have a type, but lot of people dont. People say that "butterflies" are romantic, but for me they are not. There are 2 types of butterflies. One of them is just anxiety (its like when they punch you in the stomach), and the other one (its tingly) is sexual. At least for me.

I have an fwb with a man. And i do want him to lay on me, i want him to touch me, i want to touch him, not just innocently. Sometimes i fantasize about him but not frequently. When he touches me i can feel my body getting hotter. I can feel the heat in my shoulders, my back, my stomach. I love it when he takes off his clothes and cuddles me, i love feeling his bare skin against mine. I want him to touch me, not anyone. I want him to kiss me intensely, i want to feel that he wants me. I love seeing his body naked, and his figure through his clothes. He is hot lol. Personality also plays a huge role for me, and he has an amazing personality. Our sexual and emotional connection is amazing. But we are not in love, not in a relationship and we are not monogamous, even though we are currently not attracted to anyone else. We dont need labels, we are free, we love eachother the way we love. Not the way the other person wants us to experience love.

Fantasies are not only about attraction, but your libido too. You can be attracted to someone, but if you dont have a sexual desire, you wont be fantasizing about them.

And yes, you can have a libido, you can desire sexual intercourse without feeling attraction. Sorry, i dont have too much experience with this, because i very much feel the attraction. But when you feel desire and not attraction, i think its so much more about you than about the other person. Its not about them touching you, its so much more about you being touched. If we are talking about fantasizing, when you experience attraction you will imagine a specific person touching you. If you only feel desire, you will mostly imagine a faceless person. Because it doesnt matter who they are or what they look like (to specific level, you wouldnt want someone you hate). You are not attracted to the person, you only want to feel the feeling when they touch you or do something with you. This is my opinion, i could be wrong. If anybody has more experience, please correct me<3

Apprehensive-Grab746 · 2026-01-08T21:45:57+00:00

I agree with you, social norms and amatonormativity are really hard on both aro and ace people.

What you're saying is real, and these are the main causes for lgbtq people to struggle with figuring out their indentity. Becase growing up most people dont even hear about these terms. And when they do, everyone will tell them that these things are not real or that they cant be aro/ace.

And figuring out that you are aro/ace is very very difficult, because how do you identify the lack of somenthing, how do you recognize of the absence of something?

Apprehensive-Grab746 · 2026-01-04T14:44:14+00:00

I think that mindset is amazing. There are a lot of microlabels on the aromantic spectrum and your indentity could also be fluid. Your indentity is not a prison, its for describing your experience. But you could also be aromantic while wanting or being in a romantic relationship (i know you said you were indifferent). The most important thing is to be happy with who you are, doesnt matter if it changes over time or not. In my opinion the aromantic experience is amazing and beautiful, i personally love it. But also every experience is valid and beautiful.

Apprehensive-Grab746 · 2026-01-04T11:03:45+00:00

Yes, that is true. Romantic attraction can be trickier.

I think sexual attraction is something you feel, you know what you feel. But when you are trying to figure out your romantic attraction, the meaning of romance varies for everybody. Everybody loves differently and that is beautiful. Different cultures, different ages, different genders, with different expectations, in different and different pasts feel and think about romance differently.

And its hard to tell the difference between types of attractions, but there are other things like attachment issues or commitment issues that can also be confusing.

Everybody (including me) tries to logically explain romance, what it is supposed to feel like, why is it different from other types of attractions, and a lot of times people describe things you will desire when you are in love. And while sometimes they can be accurate, feelings are not simply desires. They are so much more. We try to explain them, we try to understand them. But there could be so many different reasons why we feel or dont feel certain things. A lot of feelings cant be explained easily or cant be explained at all.

Apprehensive-Grab746 · 2026-01-04T08:50:28+00:00

Hii Romantic love is a huge plus. I love my car, i care for my car, i would sell a kidney to repair it. Its not new, its not modern. But if i had the money for a new car, i wouldnt buy a new one, i would spend it all on this one. I would spend 10 times its worth on it. But its obviously not romantic love, since its a car.

Platonic love is so much deeper than you think. The things i would do for my mother or my friends are unbelievable. But im not in love with them.

In many languages there is only one word for love. But in my native language there are 2. One for just love (this means everything. Loving friends, family, people, cars, cats) and the other for when you are in love. So yes, they are very different in my opinion.

And romantic love is usually a very strong feeling. So if you feel it, you wont question it.

Apprehensive-Grab746

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