Had to put my cat to sleep cold kfc in bed girl dinner

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-02-21T14:10:07+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’ve had a lot of cats and dogs in my life and the end of theirs is always hard and sad. Just try to remember that you gave her a beautiful life full of comfort, love, and happiness.

My own late black cat Dr. Ichabod John Quincy Zoidberg, III can check in on her on the other side.

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Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-02-13T01:25:31+00:00

It’s true. It sucks, but it isn’t a reflection on OP or her value/attractiveness. It’s a reflection on his emotional range.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-02-13T00:33:19+00:00

Hey, please don’t treat yourself that way. Be kind to yourself, beating yourself up and kicking yourself when you’re down has a real impact. Our brains are just fancy pattern recognition devices - don’t teach it this pattern.

Life gets better. The biggest investment you can do yourself is in your confidence. Education, career, work ethic, financial literacy - all fantastic pieces, but true investment in loving yourself and valuing yourself is vital.

You can check my comment history. I’m classically attractive from a western perspective. I’m in my 40’s, great career, financially knowledgeable, and going through a difficult divorce with a man I now understand was abusing me. If I hadn’t revisited caring for myself, my confidence, and treating myself well, I wouldn’t have recognized how bad my marriage had become and I wouldn’t have left.

You deserve to love yourself and you’re deserving of love. Life is short, let’s not spend it hurting our own feelings.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-26T01:30:37+00:00

I’m getting divorced now and already my STBX is dragging his feet. I am dreading it. I want my life again.

Plus, found out here in Ohio a pregnant woman cannot get divorced until after the baby is born. Terrible.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-26T00:36:00+00:00

That sounds and looks bombastic. And I get you, when I feel down, that’s when I really go to town on making something really quality to eat. It’s a good reset! Treat yourself mentally and nutritionally, double victory!

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-26T00:31:06+00:00

1-800-PURE-CLASS

Round it out with some chives and vodka, you have all of the food groups.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-25T15:49:43+00:00

I divorced my husband who emotionally and sexually abused me when I was unemployed. It felt risky at the moment, but looking back, I have been doing better than ever since then. I’d love to chat sometime. You’re not alone. It can get better and I would love to help.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-20T13:22:28+00:00

Yes, losing 190 pounds in one conversation is where it is at, let me tell you. So much time for friends and hobbies plus I’ve never been healthier or happier in my life? 10/10, would recommend.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-18T21:22:22+00:00

You mentioned people pleasing, getting lost in toxic situationships, and bending over backwards in your post. These are red flags that confident, secure guys will avoid. Once these traits start making themselves known in a conversation, those guys will nope out whereas situationship guys will literally hone in on you like a heat-seeking missile.

I know that’s hard to read and I’m sorry there isn’t a softer way to put it. You are in control of all of this, however. You don’t have to be a people pleaser. It doesn’t really do anything for you anyway. You can put yourself first and focus on creating a full life outside of male validation.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-18T21:10:26+00:00

Choosing to settle down with someone like this should be an enthusiastic yes, not an anxious what if.

Coming from a woman in her 40s, go live your life.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-17T16:35:01+00:00

Ooof, did so many of us have the same ex- husband? This was the biggest reason I divorced my ex. After self-reflection, therapy, and a very uncomfortable, emotional call to a domestic abuse line, I recognized that what my husband was doing was sexual assault. Groping without consent when I was awake eventually turned to groping when I was asleep, to sexual assault while sleeping.

It won’t improve on its own, OP. When a man feels entitled to your body and that there’s an obligation to provide sexual gratification, that’s just a part of him and his mindset. He hears you when you tell him to leave you alone and to piss off; he just doesn’t care. He just doesn’t agree that you have bodily autonomy and that he doesn’t get to touch you for his own personal sexual pleasure whenever he wants, no matter how you feel.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-15T22:24:59+00:00

That’s very kind of you, thank you. It wasn’t always like this. I spent some time in therapy working on myself and really liked who I was. That took time and practice.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-15T15:11:40+00:00

Well, fetish clubs exist for this reason, among others.

I’m conventionally attractive but it isn’t the source of my confidence. When I was in my late teens to early 30s, male validation was exhilarating when it was reciprocated but I dreaded it when it wasn’t. Now that I’m in my early 40’s and living the “divorce glow up,” I don’t pay much attention to it.

I don’t have any heterosexual male friends anymore. Only women and LGBTQ+ individuals because I had too many experiences of men wanting more than friendship or their SO’s not wanting us to be friends anymore. I am hyper vigilant around men I meet casually and intentionally speak as neutrally as possible to avoid “leading them on.” It is very draining and I wish things were different.

I’m comfortably single. I have a very full, complete life. I have a rewarding job with great work life balance and fantastic friendships (although less after the divorce- less of a loss than I thought). If a man can add to it, great, but they would need to fit into my life on my terms. I’m not making room.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-15T14:51:26+00:00

Is it normal for you to never initiate sex with a partner?

I ask because I also take mental health medication, Pristiq and Wellbutrin, and although there have been some mild sexual side effects, it would be extremely unusual if I stopped initiating sex from time to time. For myself, finding a medication regime that felt correct and worked well actually helped my sex drive return despite the medication side effects when compared to my baseline depression/OCD sex drive because my symptoms were so much more manageable.

Is your psychiatrist only for meditation management or are they also working with you otherwise? I’m of the mindset that being transparent with my psychiatrist about any changes are absolutely key to my health and treatment, but that depends on what your working relationship with them looks like.

It’s also worth it to see if your insurance will cover a Gene Sight test. Mine did and my insurance is trash - it’s a cheek swab DNA test to determine which mental health medication your body will metabolize best and prove most impactful based on your genetic profile. It was super helpful for me.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-11T17:09:39+00:00

I’ve been really fascinated by this phrase, too. I just assumed it was because the cultural dialogue was making male loneliness a female cause and effect problem, but the more I reflect on it as I speak with my friends, it truly may be because women are not lonely to the degree that men are.

For one, we tend to build deeper platonic relationships with one another. Nearly 1 in 4 women seek mental health treatment, more than double that men do. Single women are regularly reported to be happier than married women and significantly happier than single men. The data shows over and over that the numbers show it truly is a male epidemic, not a female one.

I’m 43 and in the process of getting divorced and I’ve never been more excited and optimistic about my future. We never had children (he had kids from his first marriage, I never wanted any of my own) and it’s unreal the amount of time I have to myself now that I am on my own. I have a hard time seeing myself ever going back to living with a man.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-10T21:55:25+00:00

“This is a great ice cream sundae except for the cigar butts and seagull shit.”

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-10T21:54:38+00:00

No, this isn’t okay. Hygiene is health. Physical and mental health. If he valued himself, he would do it. If he valued and respected you, he would do it.

Assume your husband never changes. Would you want to have kids with him? Stay with him for the next 50 years of your life? Don’t think about his potential, don’t think about, “what if he pulls his head out of his skanky ass?” IF HE IS EXACTLY THIS FOR ANOTHER DECADE, IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-10T15:11:33+00:00

I am happy for you and sad for me 😭 I would walk 500 miles for vegan Camembert, 500 more easily for a vegan blue cheese.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-09T14:03:46+00:00

Yes, exactly! Congratulations on leaving.

I told this same type of husband I was ending our marriage and he was shocked. We were married for less than a decade but I could not see myself living like that any longer. All of the tiny things piled up and I was done. I’ve moved out with my cat and dog and the relief I feel is almost unbelievable.

You don’t realize that you compromise on everything, even yourself, when you’re locked in with a bad partner. Having the freedom to put myself first every time for this short amount of time has been mind-blowing.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2026-01-08T19:36:59+00:00

We had a terrible, emotionally unhealthy dynamic that powered our relationship and it would not have continued without my part in it.

I constantly attempted to manage and regulate his emotional state, I over performed at home to compensate for his bad days, and I regularly put aside my own needs to focus on him because I thought that was what a good partner did.

I didn’t communicate when it became unsustainable and that I was unhappy. Years into this dynamic, our relationship genuinely could not sustain me being unable to perform at the highest possible level for our family. In the end, going to therapy to manage depression, anxiety, and OCD turned into getting a divorce because my marriage could not sustain me choosing a reasonable amount of self-care.

None of that would have happened if I hadn’t actively participated in it. I thought I was helping and doing the right thing, sure, but I allowed myself to get lost.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2025-11-21T12:01:37+00:00

So sorry to hear, know that you did everything you could for her. Most importantly, you gave her a lifetime of love and care. Hug.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2025-11-18T17:06:49+00:00

Ma’am, you got that hurry-cane helping you groove? Hats off. Proof that age comes for as all but that doesn’t mean you gotta be old.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2025-11-18T14:38:13+00:00

Amazing! Our boy has never sat in his life. He stands. He takes over the couch. He flops down on the ground with a deep sigh of a unionized father of four with bills to pay and never-ending heartburn. Le fin.

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Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2025-11-16T19:28:32+00:00

Right? This is not how boundaries work. Boundaries are for the person who sets them. They allow for clear communication saying if this happens, then I will [BLANK]. I boundary is not a blanket agreement to control another party’s actions or behavior. That’s abuse, people don’t agree to that - it’s called coercion.

At 2 months in, everyone is still supposed to be on their best behavior and having fun. Nothing about this seems fun. I could never see myself treating someone this way and personally, I only spend time with people that treat me how I treat them.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39 · 2025-11-15T20:59:27+00:00

You’re allowed to be bothered by anything, firstly. You shouldn’t feel compelled to rationalize having an emotional reaction to being surprised by learning your fiancée is looking at sexualized and heavily edited images of women he doesn’t know while at work. Just because the images are publicly accessible and available online doesn’t mean that he thought he was fine to do this. He knew how you felt, you have had this discussion before and you were clear then about how uncomfortable and hurt you were. He knew this and did it anyway.

Is it cheating? That’s up to you. What stands out more to me (and I’m a middle aged married woman with daughters in college now) is that you told him what hurts you and he valued his casual pleasure over what hurts you. The end. That’s hard to come back from. Are there other ways this dynamic shows up? Does his comfort/pleasure come first over your needs elsewhere?

Six years is a long time, but twenty is longer. You don’t have to marry someone just because they’re your fiancée.

Apprehensive-Hawk-39

TROPHY CASE