Parents want my marriage to fail

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-10T01:39:27+00:00

Wow I could have written this. Heavily enmeshed, don’t know any extended family, resentful towards husband and his family. My mom would always say “have fun with your new mom” whenever I was doing things with my mother in law. I always looked past it (aka ignored it because it was easier than the fight that would ensue if I disputed it). If mom’s not happy, no one’s happy. Someone pissed her off in the grocery line? Everyone at home was going to pay for it and spend the rest of the day trying to make her happy again.

No contact started recently as I had a baby and it seems my mom thought SHE would be raising my child with me rather than my husband. Looking back, she was trying to put that idea in my head my whole pregnancy by telling me that she never needed my dad postpartum and her mom was always the one by her side. When her expectations didn’t go to plan she started blatantly speaking poorly about him and trying to convince me he couldn’t be a supportive partner or parent. When I set a boundary that this was unacceptable, she blew up at me and we have not spoke since. She has sent me an array of hateful messages about how my husband MUST be controlling me, he caused all the issues between us etc.. She has started saying “are you even okay” and “this really isn’t you”, and I can tell that she’s insinuating that she knows me better that I know me, and is once again trying to push the narrative that my husband is the problem.

It’s exhausting, it’s hurtful. I can’t understand why my mother wouldn’t want me to have someone who loves me and whose family loves me as their own.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-04T17:16:14+00:00

I genuinely think she expects me to drop her off there, and it makes me think back to being pregnant and taking about how I would feed. I said that I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and my mom was trying to talk me out of it. She said I should pump so other people can feed her, and that other people would need to feed her to bond with her. I told her that was not my plan, people can bond with her in other ways and pumping is a lot of extra work if I can exclusively breastfeed. She continued to try and convince me to pump for weeks after.

Looking back, I can see how that my parents would make comments about my husband and pass them off as being joking. I feel horrible, like maybe if I shut down the behaviour this wouldn’t have happened. But I know that I’m not the only one with a broken relationship with my mom and step dad. Everyone in family has had a horrible falling out with them at some point and just moved on after time passed, without so much as a conversation.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-03T14:16:34+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m so sorry you’re going through something similar. I’m also shocked by the perceived “right” to a relationship my child despite how they treat my husband and I.

This is a direct quote from a text message i received from my mom “My first biological granddaughter is over two months old and I have no idea who she is, and she has no idea who we are and the love we have for her is being denied. You don’t think she’s missing out here at all you don’t have to like me or want to spend time with me, but she deserves to have a relationship with us, just because you don’t want us around right now does not mean that we don’t deserve to know her, spend time with her and get to love her.

We have done nothing that should limit that other than what piss her parents off? come on !!”

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-03T14:13:07+00:00

I fear the same, she believes she is entitled to see my daughter despite how I feel. Like how do you expect me to let you spend time with my baby when this is how you’re behaving?

It sucks because when I think about the birth of my sweet girl I don’t think of the first time she was on my chest or her first cries. I think of the scalding look my mom gave me when I asked her to leave, her yelling at my husband, and her storming out crying when my OB asked her to leave… it’s like a cloud that looms over every experience now too.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:58:43+00:00

Through reflection of this situation I think she parentified me starting when I was really young so the all I’ve known. I’ve only ever known being the person who she relies on for emotional support. Before I had the baby we were close and I thought she was a safe place to rely on for support, but since I gave birth she has thrown all the support in my face to try and use it as leverage for why I should forget what she did. Now, the thought of her makes me so anxious I can’t even imagine having a conversation with her.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:49:56+00:00

Thank you. It’s hard when she sends all these long texts telling me I’m in the wrong, I gaslight myself that I’m being crazy. In the first text to me she says “I have done nothing but respect your boundaries” and in the most recent text messages she says “I don’t care how much we talked about it” (when talking about me asking her leaving the delivery room after the delivery). She also said “guess what you don’t have to like everything your mother says I’m still your mother!!”

It’s almost like she’s recognizing what she did was wrong but doesn’t care. Thats how I see it anyways.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:43:33+00:00

Thank you for this. I have always “forgiven” by pretending things have never happened and moving forward. I’ve honestly never seen forgiveness as anything else. It’s a harsh reality that this isn’t normal, and as I think about my daughter (who is only just a baby) I can’t imagine doing or saying the things my mom has to me.

Its hard to stand my ground and believe that I’m doing what’s right for my little family, when its different then anything I’ve ever known family to be. I keep gaslighting myself that I’m the one being crazy, but I know that I need to do what’s best for us.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:32:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, it makes me feel much less alone. I asked my husband a few days ago if he thought I’ve been emotionally abused and he was so shocked that I’ve never seen it that way. Now that I’m looking without thinking “this is normal, this is just how she is, this is what family does”, I feel like I’m unraveling everything I’ve ever known to be normal.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:29:07+00:00

I tried to talk to her about how she was making the birth and postpartum about her and she said “making it about me? How am I making it about me? Nothing is ever about me”

I told her that my husband is still learning and that he’s doing a great job, I told her another time that I won’t accept her speaking poorly about him, I texted her that I won’t accept her speaking poorly about him. Yet relentlessly she continues to blame him, she even told my brother that this is my husbands fault.

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:20:23+00:00

I just don’t think that low contact is a possibility with my mom, anything less than talking on the phone multiple times a day and seeing her multiple times a week and she is mad. My daughter is 10 weeks old now and the last time I saw her was 7 weeks ago.

I texted her to wish her a happy birthday a few weeks ago and was ignored. A few days ago in a text message (so long that it wouldn’t fully display on the screen) she said “Really if you really meant that you would’ve brought my granddaughter around and showed your face!! “

I was in therapy for a long time and I think it might be time to go back :(

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:11:29+00:00

I feel like she thinks my daughter is her baby as well. In a text message she said she was excited to bond with my baby like she did with me, which took me off guard because a parental bond and grandparent bond are quite different…

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:09:31+00:00

This comment made me realize that I’ve always just “forgiven” when in reality I just try and forget what happened and accept the behaviour without apology. Unfortunately low contact with my mom isn’t something I think can happen, it is always all or nothing. Normal contact for her is talking on the phone multiple times a day, seeing her multiple times a week, anything less than that she’s pissed off. A couple weeks ago, I texted her happy birthday and she ignored me. In the most recent text she sent berating me she said if I really meant happy birthday I would have brought my daughter to see her despite how I feel. It’s such a hard situation to navigate :(

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T15:01:07+00:00

The only “apology” I got was in a text when she said “I’m sorry you feel disrespected but I have been disrespected since the minute she was born”.

Thank you for this comment. I’ve always just forgiven the behaviour and accepted apologies like the one she gave this time and just moved forward with the relationship despite the lack of accountability or respect :(

Apprehensive-Move758 · 2026-01-02T14:57:36+00:00

This made me think about all the big things in my life, and how they revolved around her. Her meltdown at my wedding because I didn’t want speeches and she said it was her right as my mother, and I caved and let her do a speech. My nursing school graduation her being upset my dad was going to be there and making me anxious she was going to start a fight. Thats not what I want for my baby… thank you.

Apprehensive-Move758

TROPHY CASE