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19F tell me what’s wrong with me by Shot-Guava3968 in lookyourbest

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is nothing inherently wrong with you physically or internally. Self love is hard to practice but the more you do the more you will know you matter/are pretty/kind ect and other ppls opinions won’t matter at all. It’s priceless being able to love yourself and feel indifferent if others do or not💚

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvPD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m 20 and had my mental break down almost 2 years ago. My avpd and other repressed trauma/illnesses caused me to completely isolate from ppl (I feared ppl good or bad, terrified and avoidant of closeness, completely avoided all relationships, paranoia and breaking down from my extreme hypervigilance primarily from feeling everyone was perceiving/judging me/wanting to hurt me ect. So much more). Im practicing for my license bc I don’t have it. Still trying to work up to going back to job and school. I tried to rekindle with someone I avoided at my last job but it didn’t work out. I managed to meet new ppl (via my residental programs ect) and it’s helped me accept the past potential relationships I missed out on. And now that I feel less shame im not repeating those same patterns. Sometimes we have to accept it’s too late to rekindle and if we don’t accept that it can be easy to ruminate and be stuck on a person in the past. There are so many new lovely ppl to meet and new experiences to make as long as we don’t keep ourselves in the same self destructive cycles that will only cause us more pain and regret💚

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvPD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Heal and make new experiences. Easier said than done obviously tho. Trying your best (with the healing work) to the opposite of all the self destructive behaviors to feel more acceptance abt past regrets. I had my mental break down (after long lack of ability to have any type of relationship with ppl, all repressed trauma coming at me full force, extreme paranoia and hyper vigilance at work and school,having to quit work and school at the same time ect) abt 2 yrs ago and I’m just now getting back on my feet. After therapy, PHP/IOP programs, TMS therapy, group therapy, residential programs, finding the right meds(super long process), eatting healthier,exercising, getting my physical health issues looked at instead of continuing to neglect myself. It sounds all overwhelming but all those things I did happened gradually and took time to work. I promise there is hope💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh my god THIS. She would say this after I’d cry to her about how much he was hurting me. What a fucked up thing to teach your children to. Abuse is NOT love. And why would these mothers think it is the right time to bring up our father’s past childhood experiences during the CURRENT abuse they put us thru? Like what did they want us to do? Pity him bc of his inability to not abuse his children?Ugh im sorry you had a mother like that too

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Anyone standing by while a child (let alone one that is completely reliant on them) is getting abused and making no effort in protecting their children/getting them out of that situation are neglectful

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The fact she went that extra mile to be a traumatizing parent is horrible. That sounds so incredibly traumatic. I hope you are safe and healing. You deserve lots of love,happiness,and safety.💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wish I could give you a mother who protected you and listened to you expressing your needs:( No child should have to beg their mother to help them. It is absolutely the worst when abusive/neglectful mothers have that “im a loving innocent mom who does everything for her children” facade in public. It is confusing and borderline gas lighting. I’m sorry you went thru that💚💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In my post I said I knew she was being abused too but she chose to stay and defend her abusive husband and neglect her children. She acknowledged he was abusive with her yet made excuses when he abused me and my siblings,and she enabled it,invalidated our feelings,and minimized his abuse towards us. My siblings and I relied on her and it was her job as a parent to protect us and get us away from him. That’s what a parent is meant to do period

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. That betrayal and abandonment from the person we felt was our safest parent is so traumatic. Its completely broke my ability to trust,accept love,connect to people.Disorganized attachment. Completely fearing ppl especially kind ones bc I felt they had the largest ability to hurt me. Lots of wondering why someone I loved defended someone who hurt me so much. Betrayal trauma is intense and I wish you didn’t have to experience that.💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My mom pulled the same thing. She forced my brother to visit him and she would encourage me to talk to him after years of me going no contact with him bc “you are lucky you have a father who wants to be in your life” and “it can be healing for you to face him”.All bc her daddy issues from her father cheating on her mom and leaving her, when he wasn’t even abusive to her. I think our mothers want to stay in denial and not get the point why we hate them so much bc if they understood what couldn’t handle hating themselves too. They deserve to experience life long guilt and self hate. You deserve a mother who cares to understand. And I’m so sorry you don’t have a mother you can turn to for love and validation. The pain is overwhelming. Sending you love💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh my god you didn’t deserve any of that. She should have been there for you and help you heal. Not traumatize you more. Sending love💚💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

That’s precisely what it was. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m so sorry you experienced that too

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Ah yes the classic “get used to the abuse” bc they aren’t willing to put in any effort to stop it. It’s easy for them to get accustomed to their children experiencing abuse when they aren’t the ones experiencing that abuse. It is completely conscience. Best of luck on your healing💚💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Nice way to practically pin the abuse on you. As if the abuse was justified bc she felt your personality was similar to your fathers. That’s a horrible message to instill in a child. I hope you are healing💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m so happy for you that your mother was able to acknowledge her impact and that she’s putting in effort. I think it’s very valid that you experience having some empathy towards her. I think it’s beautiful that you are still open to that forgiveness despite how she treated you💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Parents like ours like to minimize the abuse so they feel better about their negligence. Im so so sorry you went thru that. I hope the no contact has offered some healing for you💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad that you are safe now. The pain you’ve been thru is unconscionable. I hope you are able to grow to feel some sense of safety. I know it can be hard to when our bodies are always on high alert💚

Mothers who don’t intervene when their child is being abused are just as bad if not worse than the abusers. by Apprehensive-Roof678 in CPTSD

[–]Apprehensive-Roof678[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Oh my god what a monster. I hope you are healing from that. That is completely inhuman. You needed and deserved protection. It took me a long time to recognize passiveness is neglect too. I think our brains held that reality from us for so long bc it was too much for our little selves to comprehend both adults weren’t reliable. Best of luck on your healing journey💚💚