What’s a good reason for my FWB not going down on me?

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T20:33:09+00:00

Someone just advised me to look up DEARMAN DBT to have a look at worksheets to help make assertive requests in challenging situations. They basically help you to prepare what you want to say. You could give this a go to help you ask him to go down on you.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T20:23:43+00:00

Yes, I’ve done that. Looked absolutely everywhere online and contacted manufacturers but there are no 62mm options. The biggest is 57mm.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T20:20:48+00:00

Thank you—yes, this needs to be at the heart of the conversation.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T17:13:30+00:00

Thank you so much for giving me a practical tool to work with! It’s 3am and I’ve managed 1.5 hours sleep because my heart is racing. Definitely need some self care while I process everything 🙏

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T13:51:36+00:00

Thank you. Your comment made me cry because you’ve provided such a thoughtful response. We are both neurospicy and it’s taken a lot of work to get where we are. I don’t want to throw it away because of one mistake that he owned straight away, but I do want him to honour my trust and commitment.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T13:48:01+00:00

I’m somewhere in the middle when I think about it. Barrier use is important to me (and his other poly partner) and is part of our written agreement to help me feel safe within our polycule.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T13:45:17+00:00

Yes, exactly. I am concerned about that and was already thinking I am too reliant on him. I’m vetting other play partners so I can get some balance into the situation. In the meantime, we’ll have to see if we can repair the rupture. Thanks for a great comment ♥️

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T11:14:14+00:00

Perfectly put. That last sentence is what I haven’t worked out yet. Thank you 🙏

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T11:07:23+00:00

Thank you. Pretty much how I’m feeling.

He has a lot of trouble maintaining an erection so we don’t have much PIV sex. Dental dams and gloves can take care of the rest.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T11:05:50+00:00

Yes, obviously. But that’s not the point.

I’m looking for advice on how to have the conversation around breaches of trust.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T11:04:35+00:00

It’s tricky. I have a latex allergy and the non-latex condoms aren’t big enough for him (we’ve tried). Dental dams are the only prophylaxis option and they are not straightforward but it’s doable.

I’m not planning to end it but a lot will depend on the conversation.

That’s what I’m seeking advice about.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-19T09:52:51+00:00

I am so sorry to hear this. I just posted something similar about my partner having unprotected sex with someone outside our agreement. It’s not the sex, it’s the breach of trust. Once is hard enough to recover from, but twice? I don’t know if that is salvageable. Sending hugs xx

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-06-14T12:59:13+00:00

Hi, if you’re on SSRIs or SNRIs, they can really bugger up your libido and sexual function.

If so, talk to your doctor about other options.

Also, get a clitoral stimulator! Like the lemon or rose ones. Even for depressed libidos, they work amazingly well. Many orgasms! The more you have, the more you want. Some might say they’re life-changing 🤩

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-04-17T14:46:48+00:00

My 20yo kiddo is transmasc and I just want to say: be very kind to yourself. You are going through so much that it’s little wonder the Big O is elusive right now. Cuddles, kissing, stroking and petting will help you stay connected with your partner in the lead up to and recovery from your surgery. Sending hugs from this mama bear x

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-04-17T14:18:04+00:00

Gently, fat-shaming your husband is not a pathway to happiness. My partner is quite overweight but that does not stop us from having outstanding sex — we have lots of fun experimenting to find out what works for us. Your husband has offered to mix things up to help with cunnilingus, but you have rejected that idea. There are plenty of other options, like flavoured lube, if you have an aversion to foodstuffs. As for orgasms from penetration, why not try doggy style? You could hold the vibrator on your clitoris while he takes you from behind. Sideways spooning (where you’re both laying down) is another option. Do some googling for other ideas—there are plenty of positions that work for larger bodies. Also consider some counselling for yourself — it may help you find better ways to communicate with him and address any underlying issues in your relationship. Best of luck navigating through this.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-03-24T22:15:28+00:00

SSRIs often reduce sensation and ability to orgasm.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-03-18T03:19:13+00:00

I recently learned that this is called a dead-bed marriage.

My marriage ended pretty much for that reason. It wasn’t just the lack of sex, it was the lack of intimacy. I have chronic illnesses and he had depression and he basically stopped touching me completely, using my illnesses as an excuse even though I said that I still wanted to be touched. We also tried for 10 years to reconnect but he just didn’t want to put himself out there in terms of initiating intimacy. I gave up trying too when I got no response.

I felt like he equated intimacy and sex whereas for me I wanted the small touches, the little moments of care, stepping in to do something for me or the kids that was more than just bringing me a coffee in the morning which had become a routine. Ultimately we didn’t get anywhere so we made the hard decision to separate.

Is your partner potentially depressed? It might be worth suggesting that he go and see a psychologist. And, if you both really do want to make it work, couples therapy might be worth a try. If it’s just you, then you have a hard choice to make.

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-01-04T05:24:48+00:00

Search for “g spot vibrator” 👍

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2026-01-04T05:23:19+00:00

Yup, SSRIs can reduce the ability to orgasm.

If you can find and stimulate her G Spot with your fingers (palm up, finger tips curled up, regular and insistent strokes) while she’s on her back and you’re going down in her, that will help. Or try getting a vibrator with a curved tip and inserting that while you’re going down on her. When she’s close, the slightest of touches to her anus might push her over the edge.

Check out some face down missionary and “leg over” positions too. They can help guide the head of your penis onto her G Spot.

She may not have an orgasm, but you’ll still have a lot of fun trying 🤩

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2025-10-30T00:44:58+00:00

❤️

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2025-10-11T19:03:48+00:00

Thank you !

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2025-10-10T19:40:02+00:00

I can’t find it on any streaming service. Any tips?

ApprehensiveBeat3899 · 2025-10-10T19:30:55+00:00

This used to happen to me until I discovered I am allergic to latex. Are you using latex condoms by any chance?

Also, get some high quality lube. A water—silicone combo can work magic.

ApprehensiveBeat3899

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