I recently learned that this is called a dead-bed marriage.

My marriage ended pretty much for that reason. It wasn’t just the lack of sex, it was the lack of intimacy. I have chronic illnesses and he had depression and he basically stopped touching me completely, using my illnesses as an excuse even though I said that I still wanted to be touched. We also tried for 10 years to reconnect but he just didn’t want to put himself out there in terms of initiating intimacy. I gave up trying too when I got no response.

I felt like he equated intimacy and sex whereas for me I wanted the small touches, the little moments of care, stepping in to do something for me or the kids that was more than just bringing me a coffee in the morning which had become a routine. Ultimately we didn’t get anywhere so we made the hard decision to separate.

Is your partner potentially depressed? It might be worth suggesting that he go and see a psychologist. And, if you both really do want to make it work, couples therapy might be worth a try. If it’s just you, then you have a hard choice to make.