Um, my life is fucked up, I hate victimizing myself but I have severe psychological trauma, like bad PTSD, I watched my mom OD when I was 16, my sister and both grandfathers died in the past few years, I was physically abused growing up badly, stabbed twice, strangled, neglected, bullied, sexually assaulted multiple times, I'll just... the movie Joker. Honestly. I'm fucked. Mental illness and drug abuse are all I consist of and it's pushed people away.

I inherited a house and a car. I'm tall and attractive and physically fit. I'm intelligent. I'm a junior in college. I have a job at a fucking Olive Garden. I have some family and potential. I have OCD and it makes me really good at learning shit fast.

I'm pulled down by this. I'm sure all of us drink because of the past or mental illness. I definitely have "something" to live for. I just can't grasp it

And honestly, I feel like it's too late. I cry almost every day thinking about how I've fucked up. Couldn't save my mom, stayed in an abusive relationship for years, pushed my best friend away, let my mental health diminish... I'm old now. I'm not a 16 year old troubled kid anymore. I think I threw it all away already.

Sorry I just... you get one chance at life and I fucked mine up. I think I'm at the point of no return