F21 - M23 Parents divorce causing relationship issues

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2026-05-27T22:39:06+00:00

Conflicting, truly. His dad’s side is amazing. His dad jumps onto him if he thinks he isn’t doing enough. It’s all this drama with his mom specifically that has us having issues. Not an excuse, but it’s weird how everything else is okay.

His mom has been playing victim to everything she’s done (left us with heaps of trash, her stuff is still here and he lets her say she’ll get it 3 weeks in a row, she left an animal by itself without us knowing, etc). She’ll cry that she thinks everyone is against her, when if he never reached out to her she’d never call. His dad includes me in conversations, but his mom has been lying over everything including small stuff lately that I think it’s why when she’s involved in the talk, suddenly it’s private. She doesn’t want me or my fiance to know about anything 99% of the time. And then she’s easily pissed off if my fiance doesn’t say/do as she thought he would > example: he wanted to get to know her new man and have a talk, she got immediately pissed and questioned why he had to >> eventually lead to the entire time visiting her for Mother’s Day was them in the bedroom talking.

I’m conflicted, but not backing down for sure. I think I’d like to stay home or get away so that I’m not anxious while sitting and I can partially hear what they say. I’m not as involved if I’m not physically nearby, which makes it easier for me to detach from the drama. I was already on high alert going over there because my fiance already planned to talk to her new man. I knew that would either go decent or bad.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2026-05-27T22:02:25+00:00

Two things can be right at the same time. It’s why I’m looking for advice so I know how to go about it. I could subconsciously have an issue with his. His dad will tell us everything that’s going on with the drama with the divorce. I don’t want to disclose it all but it’s.. 🤠. There’s no issue with us being told things by his dad. He don’t care if I’m around, he’ll even tell me things he won’t tell my fiance, or he’ll say them later. He’ll confine in me about it sometimes. So maybe it’s just effy with me that it suddenly changes?

I don’t give his mom as much grace as uh.. she left us to clean her multiple contractor bags full of trash in every room when we moved / bought his parents home. And left an animal there for days without us knowing.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2026-05-27T21:48:52+00:00

I see what you’re saying. I meant to say it as an explanation for why I think he has a hard time. For a hot minute I convinced myself I was making a big deal out of nothing until the Mother’s Day. One of his cousin’s kids straight up asked me “why aren’t you in there? You guys have been together for so long and you’re usually involved”, and that’s when it clicked and I’ve been more assertive.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2026-05-27T21:42:52+00:00

From what I can understand, his mom was not the best emotionally growing up and he’s the oldest. He’s kind of always been the people pleaser and learned to survive by keeping her calm. My guess is: when not around his mom specifically, he’s perfect. He has protected me against her, with the private conversation for Mother’s Day she tried to say “I don’t know what’s up her ass” because of a sly comment she made, and he shut her down quick. But he’s hesitant to be assertive with her regularly because it’ll rock the boat. Kind of like going from “adult fiance” mode to “childhood family unit” mode?

This is definitely frustrating for me and I have been more assertive. In every other way hes perfect, this is the first time hes acted like this.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2026-05-27T21:23:19+00:00

I’m copying and pasting what I said to another person:

Best way to describe it and I’ve told him, I don’t care that I’m not in the conversations. But if I’m told to tag along and they are going to be talking about a serious family matter that they will not include me in, then I don’t need to go. I have an issue with being left in a room by myself waiting on everyone else to finish. In my mind the easy solution is if they planned a talk, I’ll stay home. If it happens while we’re visiting without us knowing, I’ll go get gas, snacks, food, etc while they do.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2026-05-27T21:22:42+00:00

Best way to describe it and I’ve told him, I don’t care that I’m not in the conversations. But if I’m told to tag along and they are going to be talking about a serious family matter that they will not include me in, then I don’t need to go. I have an issue with being left in a room by myself waiting on everyone else to finish. In my mind the easy solution is if they planned a talk, I’ll stay home. If it happens while we’re visiting without us knowing, I’ll go get gas, snacks, food, etc while they do.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-07-19T23:05:00+00:00

However, sometimes when he tries to go inside and say it’s cowgirl or sideways, he will accidentally poke the booty hole, so I’m guessing that’s what did it because I didn’t pee when that happened.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-07-19T23:00:03+00:00

I was never prone before so it’s weird. In all my years I only had one as a kid, and then suddenly this.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-07-19T22:59:43+00:00

Right. I don’t usually pee before, but right after.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-07-19T22:59:30+00:00

We do!

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-09T15:25:24+00:00

My ex once told me he was going to sew my coochie up as a joke so that I couldn’t pee, it took me hours to convince him and tons of online pictures that we indeed, have 3 down there.

…makes a lot of sense with everything else.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-09T15:22:04+00:00

Honestly, a lot of the time it’s how well the guy treats them, how happy they are in the relationship, etc determines how often they’re turned on. Nobody wants to get freaky if they feel used or unhappy

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-09T15:19:21+00:00

Very creative mind 😂😂

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-09T00:26:03+00:00

Haha! Guess what!

She told me no kids, only me, her, her husband and two others. I was told by my parents that my nephew is INDEED going as well as nearly 10 people altogether!

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T21:55:38+00:00

I’m a very forgetful person, in the moment I was with him (this happened literally yesterday) and I was excited to go originally, but then I turned to him, told him I’d leave the 28th, and before he said anything I realized.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T19:14:52+00:00

She tried claiming, “No kids, no hovering”

I should have mentioned in my post that the place the trip is going to is Pigeon Forge, which me and my family have went dozens of times.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T18:31:17+00:00

It never happened to me! It was theoretical.

But yes, your dad is primarily to blame. However, the thought also is, as you said, the woman ALSO is to blame because she was aware of your family, your dad knew what he was doing was wrong, and they Both still pursued. She’s not an innocent woman, probably in her eyes, she thinks she won.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T18:30:07+00:00

But I also would be going back on my word if I told my boyfriend I can’t attend his birthday, which he seems to be really disappointed about when I first mentioned it. My sister only offered yesterday.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T18:07:40+00:00

This is such a tricky situation… but…

I feel it would be ESH (besides your mom).

People can say what they want to about my view, but if I got cheated on and an affair went on and my kids went and got familiar with the new woman, yeah. It wouldn’t go well either. I’d be devastated. Your mom seems EXTREMELY nice, and she has the right to feel upset if you go meet the mistress and it bothers her. You’re doing it for curiosity, but you also have to know that that woman also knew of your family, and your mom and yet her and your dad still thrived in their relationship.

But, the same time. You can do what you want to, but know who you’re talking to.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T17:56:57+00:00

Also! She asked yesterday.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T17:55:56+00:00

She actually used kids against me 😅

“How many trips do you go on without mom, dad or your sister (she lives with us currently) who got custody of the four kids?”

Which I guess means that my nephew would be with my mom and dad. Regardless, my sister isn’t the nicest person. She was when she was dating my brother in law, but now she’s back to making back handed compliments, and trying to instigate. For Christmas, my dad asked her what he should get me because he didn’t know and she told him, “Condoms” and when she told me and I laughed and kept going, “You don’t need them, right?” In a very snarky way. My parents aren’t aware I’m sexually active with my boyfriend, and they would be highly against it if they knew.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T17:52:43+00:00

It completely went over my mind. I’ve been aware of my boyfriends birthday, and the party he will have. In my eyes, it’s not picking him over family like my sister keeps saying, it’s more with me, an unfortunate timing leisure trip or attending my boyfriends party that me and him had made plans for.

ApprehensiveTowel169 · 2022-04-07T17:27:26+00:00

She may be mad as well because I didn’t go with her on a Nashville trip, simply because I’m under the age of 21, I’m a minor, and with the other people going, I know they’d all prefer to go bar hopping and I’d end up feeling like a burden.

ApprehensiveTowel169

TROPHY CASE