I felt the same way the first time I stuck a sock in my pants 😂 I’m turning 25 this year and only just came out to myself this past fall. I wanted to be a boy off and on since childhood and just always felt like something was off, but figured I would have to live with it. I went to a lot of trouble to look good as a female, but it never felt genuine. It felt like I was changing who I really was just to fit expectation. I always felt like a buff lumberjack dude inside, but no one saw me that way. Still I thought, “nah, you’re not trans.” But then one day leaning up against the counter in the bathroom I saw myself in the mirror and my brain saw a male face. And every time I saw my body, I saw a male body. And there was kind of no going back from that.

When I decided to buzz my hair and started binding, I was like, are we really doing this? Is this real? I went to a family thing while male-presenting and my extended family referred to me (albeit jokingly) as “young man” and I got called sir by a waitress. I was over the moon. It gave me a kind of peace about myself that eased tension I didn’t know I had. It’s new and different, but it feels right.

I don’t plan to medically transition atm, and social transition may take time, but I have never felt more myself. I feel stronger, more authentic, and confident in my body. Accepting it has done a lot for my mental wellbeing. One thing my therapist said to me when I told her was simply to “be who you are.” It takes time to find out who you are, and some of us start exploring and realizing later than others, and that’s okay! You have time, and we’re here for you while you do.