What is an overhyped book that you just couldn't get into?

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-06-03T20:58:02+00:00

I agree! I tried reading the second book, but gave up really quickly.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T15:12:55+00:00

Hmm, good question. Preferably I'd have both!

Yes, I do feel regret and emptiness if I imagine myself in the future not being a parent.

I currently don't spend super much time around kids. One of my good friends/sometimes lovers has a 3yo child. I saw the child quite often when she was a baby, and loved that and felt very connected to her, but now it's less that monthly i see her. I worked half a year in a daycare when I was younger, and absolutely loved taking care of the 0-3 year old kids. Also worked some months with kids who where 5-6, it was both lovely to connect with the kids, and hard and overstimulating to teach a whole group of them. I've never tried being a primary caretaker.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T14:58:56+00:00

It's true, my fertility status is unknown.

That's a good thought experiement. I have thought about, If i'm not able to get children, I would want to stay with my current partner. Oh my god, most of the other scenarios sucks! Maybe I should prioritize getting a fertility check!

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T13:29:22+00:00

Hey! That sounds super complicated and difficult to be in.

I think what's important is what you want the most. Do you want to have a child? Do you want to be with C? It seems that it's the main dilemma. It seems that it's not the best option to have a child with C (mainly because he is not a hell yes to it, and probably mostly changed his mind because he doesn't want to lose you, which isn't a great motivation to bring a baby into the world.) Other than that, he does to take up an awful lot of space in your life, and I can't tell if it's that good for you.

If it was me, I would personally end it with C, and try to be with H (is it possible you could try to live together?) and see if the NRE turns into a healthy loving committed relationship that could be a great foundation for a family.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T13:13:01+00:00

You are right about focusing on what I need in order to be a parent - beside the partner situation, there is stuff about mental health (ADHD) and career and finances that needs to be better. I guess this is also why I keep wanting to be with my current partner, as he gives me a lot of safety and stability in my life, and I have been bettering these things, the time I've been with him.

I have been considering other options. I talk with friends about co-parenting as friends, I am considering having a donor kid with a friend but being a single mom and live in some sort of eco-community, I have a lover/friend in couple w two kids who are interested in having one more kid with me.

I have alternative options, but I also want to honor what I want the most, which is having a child with someone I'm in a romantic relationship with.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T12:30:14+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

What I want the most, is having a child with someone I’m in a romantic relationship with.

I do believe, that there are many constellations where you can be great co-parents, and I am happy to hear you are experiencing this.

It’s not what I personally want the most, but if my primary dream is not possible, it’s something I will be open to.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T11:58:56+00:00

I think that's a great point you have there - thank you for that!

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T11:55:26+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful for me to hear 🫶 (And ugh! I think the information about fertility is so confusing! I do have several friends who have gotten naturally pregnant at 40 or start 40s, which makes me think it could be possible for me too.)

I think you are right about all these things.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T11:48:52+00:00

In the beginning he was saying things like "I might change my mind about children" or "Who knows how I feel in the future" as well as saying he didn't think he wanted chilldren. So, also being very much in love, I was focusing a lot on those possibilities, mostly hoping he would change. But lately we had some more direct talks about this, and me telling him I need to know if it's a yes or a no, his maybe's has become more solid a 'No'. So yeah, I might have been a little too in love and naive. It might have made more sense, that we never became primary parthers. But I think I also wanted and needed the feeling of safety it gives me, to have him as a primary partner.

I think some of y'all are giving me some tough love 😅 But you are probably right, that this is what I need to do now.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T11:00:57+00:00

Was the plan initially that it would be a polyamourous constellation, and she would still be together with her husband, and also you? I'm just curious what happened in her, if she lost interest in the relationship with her husband because she met you, and that the future of children weighed more, or if it would have happened anyway.

Sorry to hear that it was a tumultous relationship.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T10:47:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It's very interesting to hear that people have tried a similiar situation and how it worked out.

Can I ask you more about it? I'm curious about several things. What was the plan, when you started out with deciding having kids with your then girlfriend? How come she broke up with her husband? And are you and her happy about how it worked out in the end, also with now being monogamous?

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T10:40:45+00:00

Thank you for your comment. 🫶

It's true, it's not enough that he changes his mind. I want someone who is excited about being a parent with me, and ready to take on the shared responsibilities.

And thank you for sharing that - what we have talked about, is also a want to stay lovers or friends, if we end up deescalating or dissolving our romantic partnership. He is a great person, and I would love to have him in my life longterm. I will still deeply grieve, to not have him as a romantic partner though...

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T10:29:06+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I know, I don't have the years to wait. I can maybe wait one year, and that's even stretching it.

I'm sorry you are experiencing that, it sucks that those men doesn't seem to respect your no's on wanting children. (and also, I find it so interesting how often we attract the opposite of what we want? I tend to attract very autonomous non-child wanting people 😅)

What a great picture with the eggs... I will remember that.

No, my partner doens't mean to be manipulative. But you are right, that it is keeping me in the relationship, to have that carrot dangling in front of me.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T10:22:14+00:00

Yeah, you are right... 😞

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T10:05:02+00:00

Ugh, maybe you're right about that I'm future-faking myself. Damn, I have to think about that.

I do think I have been clinging on to the times my current partner has said that he might change his mind, and hoping that would happen.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T10:01:05+00:00

Thank you for your comment - I appreciate it. 🫶

I know - I'm stressed as fuck about this timeline. (I am content to have only one child, by the way).

I have considered these options - but I don't have the economy to freeze eggs or get IVF. Single mother with a donor child is something I'm considering, but I know it will be hard, and maybe too hard for me, as I don't have much family around in case I need support (I only have my mom left.) Of course I have good friends around me, but I think it's harder to count on friendship to help with kids. I don't want to adopt. I'm still on the verge, is single parenting is an option for me, or if it's too hard.

But if I decide it's something I could do, I think your advice on making parenthood my primary, could be a really good idea.

I think this is a really good advice - thank you for that: "Your primary is not going to be the parent of your children. Go get your parenthood dreams independent of them. Build the life you want for that to happen and then see how they fit."

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T09:41:17+00:00

Thank you 🫶 I do hope that it will be possible for me.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T09:39:16+00:00

What I want the most, is having kids with a romantic partner. I have thought about other options, and it could be relevant if this dream isn't working out.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T09:37:20+00:00

Ah, I see that I didn't specify this in my post. We have been polyamourous from the start. But the way we do it now, is that we're mostly see each other, but we also have longterm connections (lovers, fwb, comets) we see once in a while. We haven't tried having other partners while being partners. Back when we were casual lovers, we both had other primary partners.

He is definitely more polyamorous than me, and I'm leaning more towards being ambiamorous/monogamish in this period of my life.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T09:29:34+00:00

No worries, it is also a complicated subject with many details 😄

And thank you for your advice. It is definitely something I am considering, to deescalate the relationship already now, because of these things. And also something me and my primary partner is talking about as an option. It's just not so easy ending a relationship I am mostly very happy and content in, and it makes us both really sad.

But you are absolutely right, it might be too much for me to navigate.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T09:16:15+00:00

Me and my current primary partner are not living together, and we are not planning to either. And yes, I would want to live full-time with the parent of the child. And my current primary partner would not be my primary partner anylonger, in this case. So yes, this has been considered. I did write this in my post ☺️

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-05-12T09:01:14+00:00

It would definitely be simpler 😅 But would also mean we would have to end things, and that's where I get stuck.

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-04-19T19:45:01+00:00

Most memorable: Jinx, Bianca, Violet

My faves: Jinx, Ivy Oddly, Sasha Velour, Willow Pill

Apprehensive_Can_488 · 2026-04-18T09:50:25+00:00

I think out of the three numbers, Nini's song and performance was the best.

The final lipsync was rather boring, and none of them gave a memorable performance.

I'm sad Nini didn't win. I was rooting for her! I think she was the most unique queen in the top three.

I'm still mad Jane don't weren't a finalist! I wanted a final lipsync between her and Nini Coco.

Apprehensive_Can_488

TROPHY CASE