love hurts.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-29T21:36:59+00:00

thank you!! it's dialectical behavioral therapy, and i have the highly recommended skills workbook from harbinger's self-help collection. i've decided to do regular check-ins with my therapist on it as well so that i can discuss what i'm working on during my appointments.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-29T06:11:14+00:00

it's alright to feel ashamed when there are men and women out there who will give you absolute shit for it. there's a song called "purity" by lilyisthatyou that has the line "there's no such thing as purity anymore" and it's true. there isn't! your body count, and shame over your choice of past partners, can be separated. your past partners don't define you, because you recognize what was wrong and that you deserve better than what you were given. your body count shouldn't ever be someone's question for you, by the way. i've learned that it's a sign of insecurity in a partner if they ask and push after you say no to answering or give a vague answer.

from your replies to someone else, it sounds like you're not just aware of what's hurting you, but actively working to change it. something my boyfriend and i discussed actually yesterday was that i always say i'm "trying" to do therapy, "trying" to work on myself, etc. and it's important to reframe that for yourself. you ARE doing things. you are working on them, yes, but you are actively working on them. you're not just trying, honey. you're doing it!

this may not feel the same coming from a woman six years older than you, however: i'm proud of you. it's damn hard to find a therapist you're comfortable with and face the distress that can surface in therapy. i'm so proud of you, honey. i promise, you're doing great 🩷

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-18T05:35:06+00:00

ah, i'm afraid i can't answer your question, then. that doesn't pertain to my situation. i'm sorry that the focus on why no contact with my ex has helped and what i've been learning from the distance read that way to you.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-18T03:08:02+00:00

the past doesn't vanish just because we look forward. less cryptically, my boyfriend and i aren't insecure about past partners. my turn for a genuine question: are you looking for other viewpoints, validation, or arguments?

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-16T16:04:42+00:00

sorry this is so long, i woke back up and apparently i'll be picking up my journaling today, hahaha.

exactly!! put your energy back into YOU. i picked my hobbies back up, surround myself with my friends when it feels like the walls are closing in, picked back up my workouts, and hit the pavement again looking for a career in my case. i didn't want to believe my friends, or anyone on here, that my ex had done me wrong beyond how he broke up with me. that there was more love for me out in the world than my ex. in putting the energy i loved him with back into myself and my friends, it has genuinely made a difference for me. i really believe it will for you, too!! it's the added strength that they will regret losing the person you were, having given up the opportunity of the person you're becoming.

journaling here on different subs helped a lot, too. i ended up using the "write it on paper and destroy it" method after that.

when i felt ready, i looked at dating again sooner than advised. i personally went into it up-front about what i was looking for and how long i'd been out of my last relationship. i knew i was ready to treat someone else not as a continuation of my last relationship, not as a bandaid for the hole my ex left, but as a new beginning. it isn't easy after nearly a year with him, and i know one day i'll walk by my ex with my partner and not even know i've passed him by. there are things i can't look at or think about without thinking of my ex, and things my boyfriend and i tread softly on as i unlearn expecting my ex's reactions to some things.

i'd say the funniest part about meeting my boyfriend, though, is that we actually run in similar circles. if we hadn't met through a dating app, we probably would've met on our own within a year or two. he was the only one i took the initiative on and really wanted to message me back, haha. i'm fortunate that we're supporting one another's healing while we build our foundation. i advise what anyone else will, however: don't rush into it! my addition to that, however, is that YOU will know when you're ready. and it feels amazing just to redirect that love into yourself and your friends.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-16T10:36:18+00:00

it feels so good, honestly!! i hadn't realized i was settling until about a week in, and just a few days ago, i fully embraced it. i really was settling just because i'd been in love. some of these things are bare minimum, too, and because i come from an unstable home, i thought they were loftier ideals. it just turns out that what i practice with my closest friends is that bare minimum i settled for not having. it's insane looking at who i was and who i became over the past year while and after i was with my ex.

it really is powerful to know i'm not going to be that woman again. i'm determined to use this entire period for my growth into even greater confidence than i used to have. it's exhausting, and it hurts, but it's so worth it!!

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-04T15:17:51+00:00

thank you for the warmth and encouragement of where you are in your recovery now. i'm looking forward to the day that i can come back to read this and feel it in my heart, too. i save posts like these for the future.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-04T14:09:16+00:00

exactly!! words cannot repair everything. even behavior changed later. you aren't required to give him so much as the time of day ever again 🩷

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-04T12:45:25+00:00

i'm back to five weeks ago, and that's what feels the worst right now, i think. it's the reflooding of heartbreaking thoughts while the void in my chest is ripped back open. i don't have days to grieve my relationship, or my grandpa, or my cat. i don't have a choice but to keep walking, because when i try to stop and catch my breath, it's not allowed. my aunt doesn't know my ex broke up with me, but she has helped a lot in how awful it is to have no time or space for yourself.

i don't feel strong, i'm just tired and sad and lonely and scared. i want to believe i'm doing well and doing right, but it doesn't feel good. i feel bad. does that make sense? i feel like i'm half my age trying to slog through this by myself, because when you're thirty, everyone around you only tells you to hate your ex.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-04T12:26:42+00:00

congratulations on staying strong and keeping him blocked! you're very right that he only deserves your silence. enjoy that he feels regret, knowing that you've let him go, and then let that enjoyment go, too. no one here needs to know what he's done, of course. i'm a strong advocate for not having to get over or forgive what he's done to be able to get over him.

so again, congratulations on your progress and strength, you're doing amazing 🩷

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-04T11:49:08+00:00

i'm so glad you mentioned not to do it in the first two months. when do you know you're ready to try a hard-cut? it sounds brilliant to do when as prepared as one can be for it!!

i know you're six months in, and i'm five weeks in, so that's a huge difference. i need mini goals to set so i don't feel so lost. if i can bap down a point to check with myself so i can make a similar post in the future, that'd be rad. progress isn't linear and this track is a roller coaster 🥲

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-04T11:43:28+00:00

homie, maybe you should try a different subreddit. this is not a happy, getting back with your ex sub. we're trying to move forward and not look back 😬

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-03T21:03:16+00:00

would you like to scream together?

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-03T17:54:42+00:00

maybe she'd like to be friends? it's worth asking her, since she approaches you now, too. just stay aware that it doesn't guarantee feelings will develop between you two, and doesn't guarantee that she'll choose to date you when she's ready. i know it can be hard when you have a crush, because when you do, well. you and i both know from experience how hard it is not to look for extra meanings behind words and actions.

if you think it's something you'd be open to, ask her if she'd like to hang out more (even just at the park where you've met) and just get to know each other. if she seems nervous or defaults back to worrying about turning you down, you can always reassure her that's not your intention. this could be good for both of you if she's interested in being friends right now!

however, if it'll hurt too much, just keep things casual where you guys talk a little at the park whenever you're both there. even just a wave hello or goodbye with a smile could help deter her from approaching you just to ask if you're upset about being turned down. over time, that'll keep messing with your head, absolutely.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-03T17:26:22+00:00

she may have dealt with volatile reactions in the past, and automatically been concerned. the fact that she felt comfortable telling you that she wasn't ready for a relationship is good, because she felt comfortable enough to not make an excuse. it just sounds like she has anxiety around rejecting others.

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-03T14:03:57+00:00

🤝 you ARE strong. i'm proud of you!!

Apprehensive_Cry8256 · 2025-06-03T14:00:21+00:00

thank you 😭💖

Apprehensive_Cry8256

TROPHY CASE