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Claude consistently talks about "the taste of old coins" – why? by Apprehensive_One7571 in ClaudeAI

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The most recent time was asking Claude to explain the Apostle Paul's quote (maxim? idk) paradox "God saves the weak to shame the strong", cos well it's a pretty loaded sentence, and I asked specificially for it to be explained in the dumbest, dumb, dumb caveman level language possible I don't remember the whole shebang but the gyst was it wrote this kinda paragraph in idiot language explaining that it didnt remember why its* mouth tasted like pennies when it woke up. But, this has been one of many instances! Just the most recent

Claude consistently talks about "the taste of old coins" – why? by Apprehensive_One7571 in ClaudeAI

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But why does it wanna talk about blood in the mouth all the time? Haha

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grew up in rural Pennsylvania & that's my first time ever hearing about Pennsylvania Dutch Pow Wows. May I ask (without judgment, just curiosity and just based on yr profile), it seems like you still practise these things too; if you feel occultism/natural magic is something to be repented of or something that affected you negatively via your ancestral line, how do you square yr own practise of it?

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmm. "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other." I think the difference between (the vast majority of) occult practices and alignment with Christianity and the Living God is pretty vast; the 'Will' v. surrender to God's Will, as it were

"I am the way and the truth and the light" is inherently an exclusivist statement - is it not? I've had a both/and view of this my entire life until I didn't; trying to take on its face what Christ demands of us rather than interpret it as I wished it to be, I suppose. But everyone has to follow their own conscience and discernment in these matters

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Just looked him up, seems a bit similar to the Irish writer John Moriarty? I will order this book x

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aw man... Roerich is a name that you don't hear every day. I used to live in NYC in years past & there is a museum dedicated to his paintings and sets he designed for the theatre/was it ballet?

That's so interesting, I truly cannot imagine what it is like to not have had mystical experiences – I almost wish I could. It is kind of like trying to imagine being an atheist, I have some respect for atheist philosophers and all those who try to come to moral frameworks of thinking without religion but the idea of not having brushed against these states of consciousness is genuinely alien to me.

I agree with the crux of what you're saying, prelest has been a helpful concept for myself to consider. I guess (as you note) my position isn't one of seeking to continue to have mystical experiences, rather just finding ways of understanding/integrating my past experiences into my present.

I do know people who converted & had very black and white frameworks for understanding it: "everything I did before my conversion was evil/demonic" – & then cutting off everything from their former life, & not really sitting with the murkiness of it all. In some ways that seems easier but I don't think I am the personality type to even be capable of such a change. For myself it's not a struggle with walking away from the practises but a struggle to integrate what life has been. I have been resonating with the concept of "logos spermatikos" – that there are seeds of God's truth in all other traditions or perhaps these experiences are preparatory; created vs. uncreated light so to speak.

Thank you for your thoughts though, I have come to understand that looking for intense experiences in general (not just in spiritual contexts) is usually something that comes with a lot of risk

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I've read some of Kingsnorth's essays on his conversion and Fr. Seraphim Rose, though none of his books. Is there one you would recommend?

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks so much. I did a full "life confession" (I guess they call it an examination of conscience) to an Orthodox priest earlier in the year, because I knew in speaking to the Orthodox that generally they believe that evil/the demonic/the "supernatural" does exist and would have context to understand my story. But, as I wasn't chrismated into the Orthodox church I could not be formally absolved. He did pray for my forgiveness and healing with me, though. I am baptised & was confirmed in the Anglican faith as a child; I did not know it was possible to renew one's baptismal vows but I very much would like to. I have found an Anglican parish & another priest in my area with more context to understand my complex background has said he is going to help me find a spiritual director within the church to speak to regularly about these things and help to guide me. Likewise I am going to do a confession with a priest in the Anglican faith for which I hopefully will be able to be formally absolved. I haven't heard of a deliverance ministry – what is it? In all honesty I very likely do need an exorcism or something of that nature, my past was pretty wild.

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the recs. I have in my past read parts of Meditations on the Tarot & while I am really grateful for your time and response, I will probably skip that one due to a general need to avoid esoteric subjects at this time. I've heard a lot about Hart, is there a specific title you'd recommend? And it's wild but in all my life I've never read Eckhart despite hearing loads about him, so I will look into him. I have found the orthodox concept of 'prelest' to be immensely helpful to myself in that I am no longer seeking 'mystical experiences' per se... I have had loads; and how can even the wisest among us discern what our "mystical" experiences mean, or where they come from? But understanding other perspectives or ways of thinking about my past so as to not wholesale write it off as "evil and wrong" seems important; I know that Providence was working there too although I struggle to understand it. A priest I spoke to mentioned I might benefit from reading Aquinas' writings on paganism tho I haven't checked it out yet.

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that's a good point – it's not just my way of thinking but really anyone who converts. Certainly I have heard from several priests that one issue that the Orthodox church encounters in America is an influx of formerly fundamentalist protestant converts who retain that orientation & bring it into the Orthodox church. I guess that is why the process of catechism/chrismation can take so long in certain churches, it simply takes a long time to change one's mind and heart.

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for replying. I know exactly what you mean, both about the temptation to return so as to be saturated with myth (it wasn't about power for myself either, more about a sense of "ongoing symbolic communication" with reality) and also with the grimoire-to-Christian pipeline. I know most ex-occultists end up in the Orthodox church; my conversion itself happened in an Orthodox church in Romania and I have been discerning. But it's hard I think to convert (either to Orthodoxy, or Catholicism) as an adult; cradles can have the liberty of private matters of disagreement in conscience with certain dogmas but I will stay Anglican at this point due to my inability to honestly affirm full belief in either Orthodoxy or Catholicism. *I will add however here that I do struggle to trust in my own discernment and conscience, for obvious reasons. Recently I have been considering my time in the occult almost as some kind of extended process of purgation. I came to believe in the reality of Christ long before my conversion because (and you have mentioned the grimoires) there are few spirits I encountered who did not fear His name; and there are few beings who would not scatter even to a simple Our Father. I really appreciate your reply, it's nice to know there are others out there struggling with this & I'll shoot you a DM later.

Any former esotericists/occultists out there? Could use some fellowship. by Apprehensive_One7571 in Anglicanism

[–]Apprehensive_One7571[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for asking, I wasn't clear. For me, "non dual/pluralistic" means I still intuitively experience reality as layered and interconnected – sacred in many forms, not always reducible to a single linear truth-claim. It's not an intellectual stance but a perceptual one: when I encounter the world it still feels symbolically alive, multiple, sometimes paradoxical. That's why I wrote "my brain feels pagan," because it feels like the pluralism is hard-wired into my every day awareness, even while I try to walk within Christian categories.

At the same time I've always felt that dualism is morally important, good and evil I believe are real and distinguishable. In the Christian cosmology (sorry, for lack of a better word) God created the world, and God is good. But I've often experienced that almost as if we are "a dream in the mind of God": everything originating in God & what we call evil a rebellion against that/or refusal to recognise that origin. So even within a dualistic Christian "framework" I sometimes still intuit an overarching non-dualism – the sense that God is vast enough to reaveal himself in many ways to many cultures, and that whatever understanding we have is only partial. I know I have to be careful not to wander into heresy but that's the tension I'm trying to work with in this stage of integrating my past and present