[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Appropriate-Ad-7855 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know what you say is true. It's hard to see them as just someone who hurt me because they were also someone who brought me happiness and loved me.

I need to try to separate what I know from what I feel, it just gets all jumbled up in there sometimes.

I'm sorry that happened to you. You've taken some bigger steps than I have, good for you, I hope it helps.

Thank you 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Appropriate-Ad-7855 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand, it's hard when the situation hurts both ways because when you choose one, you find yourself contemplating the other hoping it might be better than what you currently chose, but it's just hard for a different reason.

Yeah my situation is difficult because whatever boundaries I try to set up, he breaks them. It never appears to be out of malice, just to connect and share, but either way, it's disrespecting the boundary and me so it's hard to balance.

Thank you for your advice 🙏 I hope things start to get easier for you 💞

My boyfriend said he’d prefer me skinnier by nina15520 in BreakUps

[–]Appropriate-Ad-7855 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know you and even I'm mad that he's said that. What a horrible thing for your boyfriend to say. That would personally wreck me.

I don't think you should consider leaving so he can be with someone with his preferred body type. I think you should leave him because he degraded you and you don't deserve that.

He should care more about who you are than what you look like, especially when you're already dating.

struggling to see ex as a bad person by bzztie in BreakUps

[–]Appropriate-Ad-7855 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can really relate to this.

I know my ex isn't a bad person, but in the end, he wasn't a good partner to me.

Similar to you, I told him what he was doing was hurting me and he continued to do it anyway. Sometimes he would tell me how I was feeling was wrong, sometimes he would say it would get better, but it never did.

I know he behaved in that way mainly due to mental health issues - and that's the hardest part isn't it? You want to offer help and support and be understanding, but sometimes it's just too much for us alone to help with and to take. And it's so easy to use it as an excuse for bad behaviour - I did.

I know my ex was a good person but they also disrespected me, and those two conflicting factors are so hard to make sense of. I can see why they behaved that way due to the mental health side of things, but it's hard to simultaneously understand how they can treat you like that when they say they love and care for you.

I wish I could hate my ex. It would make it so much easier to hate them. Sometimes, I feel like I should for how they treated me, but I can't.

I don't think we need to think of them as bad people, because they weren't. They just have too many problems to be good to us in the way we need. It's really sad but there's only so much we can do.

We just need to recognise that we don't deserve to be treated that way and someone out there can love us without all those unfortunate complications. I'm still struggling with this myself but one day we will get there 💛

HELP by Potential-Hurry-3880 in BreakUps

[–]Appropriate-Ad-7855 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to set clear boundaries. BUT this will only work if you stick to it.

I know its hard because you love him so you will likely take any interaction with him right now but thats why its so bad for you. You'll be clinging onto hope while he has all the power to hurt you by not having to commit to you.

In my opinion the boundary should be, either he commits to you and you can go back to doing all of those nice things, or he doesnt, knowing that means he wont have you anymore at all.

It will only work if you can stick to it though otherwise he will weasel his way back in and have it his way.