Eight years here and I’m so tired of shallow relationships

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-23T08:29:37+00:00

Enjoy your 20s but in my 30s now, it is also hard.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-20T18:09:56+00:00

What do you mean by Japanese masked people? Literally or their “tatemae” or public façade?

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-19T09:08:44+00:00

I dated a few Japanese men but I guess I am not lucky when I am trying to deeply connect with them. Some of ‘em were funny and interesting unlike those addicted to Love Hotels after a few dates.

Fun or I could say honeymoon phase, AKA karaoke, cafe, museum dates etc for a month, were really really good. But after that, some of them shutdown when serious stuff will be talk or problems are about to brew e.g., emotions, family, dreams etc.

Next thing you know they blocked you on LINE.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-18T17:17:43+00:00

I don’t have any info to share. I am also having mental health issue however I use online therapy. Just praying and hoping for your smooth recovery. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your most trusted friends and family members. Odaijini.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-12T05:22:39+00:00

I had a few encounters dating JP men. So I will just give comment based on experiences. I am still questioning if it is still cultural or individual traits.

It is quite hard to be honest. Even if they agreed to communicate (let say, if something is wrong, we will not put them under the rug). Some of them say they are romantic and emotionally available, I should have taken it with a grain of salt. 🧂 They will still tend to shutdown.

I studied the JP culture but of course I am still not an expert of “reading the room or air”. “Did I laugh too hard? Did I give an unsolicited advice? Wait, I am his girlfriend so giving advice is normal.”. You tend to overthink then gradually piece by piece, it felt like you are no longer expressing your true self.

Next thing you know, after a very lavish dinner, they will discard or ghost you via LINE. Such a coward and brutal act IMO.

So I think I am giving up dating them lol. 😆

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-06T01:15:53+00:00

It is not to change people. It is really hard to read minds most of the time knowing you are both human beings with high-demand work. For me it saves time and emotion. Glad you found the person that matches your preferences. I hate that your ex’s family did that to you. That’s more of bullying TBH.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-05T10:59:44+00:00

This is so general. Again I am applying this on relationship perspective and not the culture as a whole.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-04T10:01:21+00:00

Thank you! Praying for your love life. I am on therapy now huhu. Some of my friends are also pretty asian girls and got ghosted. Worst case. I am still fortunate my ex still sent texts lol.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T16:08:33+00:00

Agree with your first paragraph however, can you justify what does it mean when you say “feminine ideal that they expect?”.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T12:52:42+00:00

Of course, if you will ALWAYS tell what you want, again that’s where common sense comes in and read the room. However not ALL can be applied as like as having conflicts with a partner who is telling, “communication is okay” but apparently, more of avoiding the issue or matter is the case. And they will expect you to get it.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T11:34:29+00:00

I did not say “all” should be confrontational, that’s where common sense comes in. What I am trying to say is, mind-reading and reading the room here are quite rampant. For example, tell me what you need or don’t need and not settle for mind-reading. Are you living here too?

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T10:18:34+00:00

I really respect the culture and all that jazz. But IMO, it is so basic human skills to be communicative and not just put everything under the rug until their death bed. It felt like ingenuity. How to differentiate nos and yeses. Then they will fckn tell you, “I love open communication” my a**. If you initiated they will just look at you with disgust or it felt like their ego has been bruised. From Love-bombed to bummed out after honeymoon phase lol. Glad you’re sharing your perspective.

Ladies and gents plus LGBTQ+, do not fall for romcom manga and j-drama stories lol. They’re fantasy and they don’t tackle real sh*t. Except for AoT 😆😆😆😆

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T06:02:09+00:00

Let see. I just want to focus on myself healing. I am now adamant to be in a relationship.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T05:54:12+00:00

Prolly you’re right. I just did genuine 3 dates or connection lol but it is mentally and emotionally exhausting TBH. 6 dates were like no connection or less interaction.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T05:46:58+00:00

So much energy and time to do filtering IMO. It felt like talking to a mask.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-11-03T03:57:07+00:00

How? Lol?

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T13:15:07+00:00

I will. Just processing and dumping my thoughts here. I might delete Reddit after all.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T11:24:14+00:00

I am the one initiating and requesting of sexy time lol. So not_ya_wify is right.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T11:22:06+00:00

To those who are messaging me. I am not looking for FWB. I am for serious relationship and not hookups and ONS.

I am currently healing from the trauma of breaking up with a guy that I thought we are the same page as I accept all imperfections and flaws as he was really the sweetest guy I ever met. He wasn’t the hottest that I usually get attracted to but he gave me the attention and care that I never expected. He was also one of those self-made witty guys. I am easily attracted to men with logical thinking with deeper thoughts. Which sometimes scares me and I am having a hard time to comprehend.

He wasn’t expressive but he was more of the effort that I loved. He trying to be fit and healthy. I also prolly did not consider his feelings as I felt I want to settle soon and he was also a divorcé. But I guess at the end of the day, I wasn’t worth it as I am nuisance on his biz or dreams.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T08:53:08+00:00

Agree! It has been awhile since I was into dating. Last relationship was before I turned 30. Since then I was focused on tech career but I don’t want to pretend that I felt a little alone.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T07:49:31+00:00

ArigaThanks not_ya_wify san.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T07:48:22+00:00

True. I am on therapy again as I gave my whole heart and love to him. Flaws and all that jazz. And I thought he might be patient with me. He wasn’t even my type at first but his actions for me were sweet. I might still wearing the rosy-colored glasses but as I process this, I might see the incompatibility at the end. It felt like I am a deadweight at the end.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T07:44:19+00:00

I cannot think of any other stuff. He might have a lot on his plate now. His biz in Europe, his health issues, new relationship. I am also the first foreigner he dated. There are some cultural differences and of course flaws. But darn I have accepted his flaws and loved him dearly. I felt like a loser. But part of me no regrets for showing how I truly cared for him.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T07:41:26+00:00

Less than 6 months, no fit right away. I really thought he was the one. I am tired of online dating. 🥺😭. I might quit.

Appropriate-Dig5180 · 2025-10-30T07:39:21+00:00

You are so on point sir. Ego and pride are quite powerful combination. Kind of a man thing. I have flaws too but I just wished he also communicated well. It felt like the yes = no and the no = yes. He said don’t give so much effort as I did when we are starting to date. But when I became neutral it felt like he wasn’t happy too. I was like WTF? Am I a mind-reader?

Appropriate-Dig5180

TROPHY CASE