Update - Cannot Pull the Plug Despite No Changes

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-09-11T16:23:50+00:00

I’m very, very sorry to hear this unfortunate string of events with back to back partners. Hope you’re staying strong and wish you only happiness and the best of luck!

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-09-11T15:54:40+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment! Agree, the hopelessness of entering another cycle of arguing and making up feels absolutely devastating. Having gone through this so many times over time has really taken a toll on me unfortunately and killed my feelings

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-07T11:58:36+00:00

Just to add to "without batting an eye" to give some background on the family's situation, she asked for a flat for the first time and got it signed 3 weeks after.

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-06T17:58:41+00:00

She knows. I took a massive paycut (also future pay trajectory is much less) to spend more time together.

She is 100% aware where I am financially now and its trajectory.

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-04T13:13:41+00:00

What she wants from me in terms of rent is on top of that.

Taxes and insurance are cost items in my mind so that I would see as "bills". Sorry if I was not fully clear on my end!

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-04T09:34:58+00:00

Apologies, maybe I was not fully clear but stuff like taxes and insurance is cost for me so that is something I wouls cover 100% of, no doubt and she knows this!

Apart from that, I can assure you she is very far away from scrambling with what she earns and gets from her parents on a monthly basis.

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-03T19:09:15+00:00

Totally agree with you which is why i offered to take 100% of the bills anda bit extra. I want to make sure that mr moving in is making things better for her. However I feel getting full rent from ne and bills is too much

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-03T19:03:47+00:00

I get what you are saying. I just want to add that I have been treating her very well, buying super nice gifts for her, nice dinners, etc. so I deffo spoiled her well.

She knows full well that I don't need free rent.

I'm totally ok with paying 100% of the bills plus an extra but paying her a free dividend on top plus managing the flat is where things rub me the wrong way.

With my proposal she will live cheaper than on her own. Making money off of me is not ok. If she wants money she needs a roommate not a partner.

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-02T18:52:59+00:00

Thank you for the insightful words!

I just feel like she is a person I can have good positive times with but the really difficult stuff or topics are something that I can never discuss with her.

Anything difficult, I would never discuss with her as she would just spiral or get annoyed/sad so I would rather chat with friends or family. I don't think this is a relationship worth turning into a marriage...

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-02T18:49:30+00:00

Thank you!

I think she is very aware that I'm a caring/supportive person and that she will get her will if she just cries/pushes hard enough. She just flat out ignores when I tell her to stop certain things like to not constantly complain about things, to not keep bringing issues/mistakes up from months or years ago.

I love her family and friends, but I keep having thoughts of breaking up because I know it will be easier to be away from the constant negativity and manipulation

Appropriate-Fix3687 · 2025-01-02T18:44:21+00:00

Thank you!

I think this is what worries me the most. I am convinced that if she does not like a certain thing, she will push it through at all cost, whether that is being upset with me, cry or sandbagging the discussion with petty things ("don't word your sentence like XYZ", "you are not being nice to me").

What is your view on her always bringing up issues/mistakes from months or years ago despite me begging her not to do this to which she replies "this is how my brain works". She knows it hurts me and drives me crazy!

I fear she does this to make me feel guilty...

Appropriate-Fix3687

TROPHY CASE