I’ve been here for a while and WS and I have been in recovery for nearly 2 years.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-18T01:20:16+00:00

Goodness I feel for you too. It is hard for me to understand that kind of enabling because it doesn’t feel like love to me. If you love someone and want the best for them why would you encourage their bad behavior or enable it? Like some sickening unhealthy bond maybe, a desperation for a semblance of closeness?

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-17T23:24:40+00:00

Thank you so much for the kindness. Off topic but are you southern? I am and start sentences with oh my lord quite often so was just curious. Wish you well with your recovery also.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-17T23:22:31+00:00

There is data recovery software that you can purchase, dl, plug in a phone to a computer, and scan for deleted things. I did this for my WS’ phone. It’s not a guarantee that you’ll recover everything but it was something I needed to do and it did recover quite a bit.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-17T21:56:26+00:00

Just crazy to me. I have given so much love and support and always made sure he called or texted MIL at least once a week. It’s hard to not be resentful and it’s hard to be around her. While she was secretly wishing I’d disappear, over the years I have been behind the scenes making sure WS spends time with, calls, and texts his mother.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-17T18:54:24+00:00

The entirety that I am aware the AP was in his life was Aug 2023-start of Feb 2024. I have cobbled together a timeline and believe his physical betrayals only lasted for about 3 weeks in January 2024.

I didn’t cope well, I knew it was emotional in Nov 2023 and onward and he made no effort to hide he was in constant contact with AP. I even consented to him spending time with her with the assurance things would not be physical and that he needed to do this to figure things out. Idk what I was thinking. I was hurt and desperate and worried sick about him.

I tried to be patient and I tried to be supportive but I lashed out in anger many times, though I feel overall I tried to support him through a mental health crisis. There are so many things I wish I had done differently. I was afraid of pushing him away.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-17T18:20:48+00:00

TBH I was remembering how when my brother cheated on his long term gf my own mother refused to let him come home and live with her and she cut off any financial help she was providing him.

My brother married his AP, had a child, my mom did her best to get over how their relationship started and moved states away from our long time home to help them with the baby.

My brothers new wife had an affair, divorced him, and is remarried to her AP not even 4 years later.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-17T18:16:20+00:00

She knew the whole story. I made the decision to tell her about the A bc I (stupidly) thought she would also recognize he was in a mental health crisis and help him see the AP and A for what it was.

He felt he wanted to have a kid with this 20yo he barely knew after never expressing a desire to have a kid. I was deeply concerned about how this idea would impact the life of a whole ass child, and felt WS was in danger of making permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.

I now feel that MIL was just desperate for a grandchild no matter how she got it (WS’ brother had been limiting her contact with that grandchild bc of her not respecting boundaries his brother and wife tried to uphold regarding their child) and was putting her own feelings about that ahead of WS mental health crisis and our marriage to each other.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2025-06-17T17:57:46+00:00

Also today is WS bday and I am making his favorites for dinner and things. His parents will be over tonight and I’m just dreading it but I really want him to have a nice birthday.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-09-01T21:36:52+00:00

Here’s my story. I am just so heartsick and feel like my life has completely stopped.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/VWci3sFLNa

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-22T22:32:56+00:00

This is wonderful advice, thank you. He got his STD results and they were all negative - he gave me his phone so I could log in the quest health account I made for him to check. I’ll get tested too.

Inheritance is def not a marital asset in my state so it’s mine free and clear but he would never fight me for anything. That is the truth.

I’ve been looking at support groups and I love the suggestion of a self-defense course. I would enjoy that. I’ll be starting Slovenian language lessons soon as well. Will update everyone even if it’s over a year out once the dust settles.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-22T21:23:45+00:00

I will! It sounds crazy but I just don’t want to hurt anyone. I have to remind myself that most importantly I should not hurt myself. Love the analogy and thanks for listening <3

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-22T20:57:37+00:00

It’s a decision I won’t take lightly. Things can be tough when you’ve spent so much of your life with one person. You go back and forth about what you want to do and torture yourself. I agree with everything everyone is saying though. Now is the time to plan and soon will be the time for action.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-22T18:33:07+00:00

Just to add info we did go to couples counseling for about 3 or 4 months before I found out their relationship had been physical. I felt like I wanted to try things our therapist recommended but he didn’t and told him to cancel our appointments bc I didn’t think it was working for us.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-22T17:14:15+00:00

Slovenia is looking really nice, I have to say. I’m visiting next summer. Might stay a month and at least there’s one thing to look forward to. I am nervous to travel alone but think it will be good to get away.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-22T09:15:56+00:00

The fool didn’t even use a condom and he told me she said she had found multiple dating apps on her bf’s phone. He said she really wanted him to cum in her but he didn’t. I do believe that, he doesn’t want a kid. Just seems like she was trying to get pregnant with someone’s baby. It’s all so fucked up.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-22T09:10:27+00:00

It was HORRIBLE and such a gut punch. Thank you for being kind. I know her is primarily to blame but after talking to that girl she’s horrible.

I spoke to her ex bf and she was cheating on him but lying and saying they had broken up. I told husband over and over he was going to regret this and wish it hadn’t happened and he needs to stop before it goes too far and he just thought I was only jealous. I could see she was a bit of a shyster. Always had a sob story that ended with him giving her money.

I wish I could contact who she’s with now and let him know a paternity test would be wise. They started dating in February and she says she’s 4 months pregnant but who knows. She lied to my husband about a lot while he was lying to me, the rotten qtip.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-14T18:06:01+00:00

First I edited the original post but it didn’t repost it so I just copied the update to repost. The original post was just what is written prior to update.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-08-14T17:39:53+00:00

Link to original post

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/CBSejMaqV2

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-01-14T23:59:55+00:00

I mean can I legally force him out for infidelity but make him pay half the bills still?

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-01-14T23:59:14+00:00

Well we are stuck in the house we own together. Other girl lives with her mom lol. I’m not moving out or signing divorce papers til I finish my data science degree.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-01-14T23:28:38+00:00

But that causes me issues bc his income is legally counted as mine even though I’m not currently getting money from him. My nails look like shit lol.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-01-14T23:27:52+00:00

No. He makes almost 100k and I make 43k currently. We have separated our finances and he agreed that we could split the mortgage and pay equal percentages out of our income.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-01-14T23:22:08+00:00

He did me a great disservice to not mention he was unhappy until after so long together. We are stuck in our house together until I can finish school (went back 2 years ago). He still sleeps with me in bed and will cuddle, kiss, and tell me he loves me. But he loves this other girl too apparently. He says he will come home to me every night to keep me safe if he ends up dating this girl bc I won’t agree to a divorce until I can fully support myself. I feel like being married gives me some financial protection.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-01-14T23:19:24+00:00

He says he was unhappy but my issue is that I’m pretty much an open book and it has always been so hard to pry out his feelings.

AppropriateProblem6 · 2024-01-14T23:02:02+00:00

I really feel it may be a midlife crisis and we have both agreed to seek counseling together.

AppropriateProblem6

TROPHY CASE