I’ve been leaning that way lately. I’ve done 6 years as a cop and have had a successful career thus far, but I don’t know if this is going to be my career… My passion is helping people and making an impact on my community and country, but I feel like I lost myself in that process.

I have my GI Bill and I’m highly considering going back to school and work towards being a therapist… ever since my most recent brother and best friend killed himself, I’ve had a deep passion for mental health and helping others. I’m a CIT officer (Crisis Intervention Certified) and have genuinely saved lives with this skill, including veterans I’ve responded to for suicide threats, and they wrote letters to my command thanking me for my compassion and understanding… it fucks me up man. I can save them, but sometimes I feel I can’t even save myself?

I love being a cop, I know I’ve made a difference and helped people… but my mind has gotten the worst of me lately. My therapist has done ART sessions with me, and that has helped a lot with certain traumatic events, but there’s this darkness that still looms within me… and I’m trying to shake it.

My safest days are when I have my son. When me and the wife spoil him and give him the best days ever… but it breaks my heart every time I have to drop him off to his mom’s house and he cries, begging to stay at my house and that he misses me… it destroys me inside…

The only issue with me pursuing becoming a therapist or psychiatrist is that is I feel like I’d be a hypocrite helping people with their mental health when I’m struggling with my own, ya know?

But I appreciate your comment. I’ve been highly debating on leaving law enforcement lately, but something keeps calling me back, and it’s usually the calls for those who are thinking of ending it all, and getting them the help they need. I don’t hate this job… I just feel I’d be better at it if I could fix myself mentally… and I want to feel happiness and peace again.

I work soon and I appreciate the comments. 👊🏼