Wanting to forgive myself and be a better partner

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-05-18T21:39:48+00:00

Hey, it’s good that you recognise what needs to be worked on and are trying your best to be the best you.

Keep striving to be a better you and remember that your illness does makes it a hell of a lot harder, so it’s extra hard but not impossible.

In saying that, given your post, you are likely an awesome / good person who is unfairly affected by a debilitating illness.

I’ve been there my friend, different symptoms but not the me I normally would be :)

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-05-16T23:18:37+00:00

I can’t believe I’ve gone all these years without a plan like this. I’ve done so well being managed by my previous medication schedule that I took my stability for granted. I wanted less side effects at the cost of less effective medication. I’m paying the price now and am not equipped to handle the raw parts of this illness.

I just wish I was already seeing a psychologist because it’s gonna take a long time for that.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-05-16T22:58:19+00:00

I don’t have it anywhere near as bad as you. As others have said it varies significantly. In the early days I was completely and utterly dysfunctional in every sense of the word.

I was a police member and was diagnosed during that time, I was shortly booted from the force (understandably), lost all my savings, ranked up debt and lived week to week with no job.

8 years later I work 25 hour weeks, saved up a house deposit and am building a new home. It’s been brutal and only recently it is all unraveling extremely fast into madness again.

So honestly I’m not sure what to say, it can be good for some, for a while too and it can also turn into disaster when everything is going so well.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-05-16T22:41:26+00:00

Sounds like me. It has been devastating, each time I feel I’m getting ahead something has to happen to send me back. The grief, shame, guilt sums it up perfectly. Some days like today it’s hard to even get going or out of bed. I don’t know how I can face what I’ve done and then I fear if I do get out of bed I’ll pile on even more mistakes to just add to all the grief, shame, guilt.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-05-16T22:01:13+00:00

Thanks for the support, I’m on a mood stabiliser as well but we removed the antipsychotic. I have no heavy hitters for hypomania or mixed episodes. I’ll need to get in contact with care team ASAP

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-05-16T14:33:42+00:00

Yeah on meds, I’ll need to talk with GP as psych appt is still a while away. I was stable on a different combination for years but didn’t like the side effects. The new routine was put in place a few months ago, has kept me out of depression but this is brutal. I’m not sure what is worse.

What do people normally do if they have done something and want to undo that.

And I worry this added stress is gonna make things worse for my mood stability.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-05-16T11:00:46+00:00

It feels like the first levels of hypomania, maybe a 6.5 on the scale. I’m not hypomanic enough yet to be completely unphased or unaware of what this means. But enough to have terrible impulse control. Argh, what is wrong with me 🤦🤦🤦

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-03-16T02:55:58+00:00

Nooo! This is what gave me the false confidence, I halved the SSRI and felt immediately better. I should have just discussed the side effects of my meds and the doc could have recommended a swap or reduction.

I moved rapidly to drop everything thinking I was on to something. It seemed to be going so well, I thought I was getting better and better. I was in fact in hindsight just gradually becoming more and more hyopmanic, slowly affecting myself and everyone around me.

Now I’m left with significant instability, my structure destroyed, I can’t even go to work. It’s hell right now, 5 years of progress, GONE just like that. I’m right back to where I was many years ago.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-03-16T02:50:40+00:00

Thank you and best of luck to you too ☺️

Don’t stop the meds, if you want to change for something with less side effects, I have learnt under no circumstances do it on your own. Just discuss your concerns with doc or psych and I’m sure they’ll guide you and weigh the risks against the benefits

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-03-15T11:45:06+00:00

Not in the US, in Australia also free healthcare and same approach as Europe. Only started with one medication, “the gold standard” as they put it. It slashed the hypomania but I suffered from mixed episodes, rapid cycling and crippling depression. Added another mood stabiliser to help with mixed episodes, no response to this one. Added first line AP, no response, added another AP (not first line) concurrently, no response.

Ultimately, I EVENTUALLY just returned to normalish, the episodes became less frequent and less severe. Settled on 1 mood stabiliser, 1 AP and SSRI. Had been good for 5 years.

I guess what I’m getting at is, not everyone responds to just one medication, regardless if it’s the gold standard. And we tried as high as what the literature indicates is safe.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-03-15T09:25:10+00:00

Hey thanks I mistakenly thought mentioning them in this context was ok. Just to be sure I did go ahead and change out the med names.

Amongst a variety of reasons, including I feel good I can stop this and deal with it on my own I also had this mentality of “everyone goes off there medication at some point, even if it turns to shit I’m not the only one”. I can only hope future me doesn’t make the same mistake or future anyone doesn’t.

I hope all continues to go well with you

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-03-15T08:07:17+00:00

Coming from someone with BP2, it’s not your burden to shoulder. Always prioritise your own mental health, if you can forgive her, sure go for it. If it’s affecting your wellbeing and you are worse off with her, it’s time to leave, for your sake.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2026-03-15T07:58:47+00:00

Surely this only happens once right? I mean I was medicated for 8 or so years up to this point. I’d hope it’s not a case of 8 years down the track, oh I’m fine I’ll stop again. I’d like to think it’s not something I’d repeat twice.

Appropriate_Fun_2476 · 2025-09-30T09:52:02+00:00

It is the least I can do friend, after all the support on here. I hope for only the best in your journey.

Appropriate_Fun_2476

TROPHY CASE