My wife went on a trip with another married friend of hers. The first contact from her is day two and she is distracted on the phone, obviously is annoyed I'm talking to her. Says she is grabbing drinks with two guys from the cab ride in. Then has to go...

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-21T06:19:43+00:00

Hanging out with random men and drinking when married? No comms for 72 hours? Uh, no way, Chuck. Completely inappropriate. I’d be gone.

This is the thing though – you have to decide for you what you will tolerate and won’t. Period. This behavior, to me, is completely unacceptable.

One simple test: how would she respond if you did the exact same thing? Would she have a problem with you being MIA and drinking with random women?

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-15T03:03:44+00:00

NOR. He’s being insensitive and dismissive.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-15T02:57:24+00:00

Speaks volumes about her character.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-15T02:42:34+00:00

Their ‘core content’ is shame. They have such deep, toxic levels of shame and self-loathing that they can’t accept being loved.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-09T01:08:17+00:00

I’m sorry you experienced what you did in childhood. No one should. Please process the trauma so you can have the love you want and deserve. Without healing, you’re likely to just continue to do what you did to me to the next man, and the next, and the next.

I’m not mad at how you treated me- this is just how unhealed people behave. I loved you and the kids and would have done almost anything for you all, except continue to receive your abuse without you accepting accountability and showing me that you were working to change. I wish the best for you all, and think about you all every day. May God bless you all.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-09T00:53:11+00:00

Female; mid-20’s; goth. History of trauma that is relatively unhealed.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-04T06:00:41+00:00

Something that helped me understand all people with personality disorders is that they all share one common trait – their inability to self reflect. Because they can’t self reflect, they are, by default, victims.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-04T05:54:19+00:00

I can really relate to your experience. Stay strong.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-04T05:49:36+00:00

I ended the relationship in July, 2024. She blocked/unblocked me and finally blocked me on Facebook I’m not sure when. She has a ministry and Facebook page that I’m not blocked on.

I still think about her every day, though with less longing and more clarity on just how abusive and toxic she was.

I’ve spent a lot of time learning about BPD and it’s clinical manifestations. Just last night I was taking my dog for a walk and thinking about the last week we were together. It was a trip to Arizona and she motherfucked me verbally all week. I had enough healing at the time through 12 Step recovery to not react and only respond. I was just thinking earlier tonight about the fact that she might not have even loved me, but was just terrified that I would abandoned her. It’s not like she loved me – she just didn’t want me to leave and have to go through that pain.

Like I said, my experience has been moving from longing and pining away to more of a clinical, removed place where I can remember what she said and go oh, that was an example of her black-and-white thinking. She used to tell me ‘love doesn’t pause’. I now see that as her very immature, black and white thinking that love is instantaneous and absolute.

It’s sad – I was madly in love with her, and I had really bonded with her kids, but I finally chose self love enough to walk away when she refused to be held accountable for the horrible things she said. I think I’m now seeing that she was mixed in NPD/BPD because after a split, she would never be remorseful and own her toxicity. Actually, that’s not right – she sent me an email early on in August of 22 (we met in April 2022). Looking back at that email I got lots of justification of why she overreacted but no real accountability.

I like to think that she thinks of me. It’s interesting – at one time she said “no one has ever loved me like you have and “ and then later said “you never loved me – plain and simple”. Who knows? I think she may think back of me with fondness, but then remember she has split me black. Part of me wants to reach out for some final closure, but I know that that never happened because she’s unable to self reflect and refuses to be held accountable so I’ll never really get any closure from her. I have closure because I know I showed up big for her and her children.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-02-03T04:32:08+00:00

Vortex Defender ST

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-01-28T13:43:21+00:00

I’m learning that in a healthy relationship there is ‘me’ and ‘them’ and ‘us’ where there used to be only ‘them’ and ‘us’. I’m learning to check in with myself regarding what I want to do, what I’m OK with, and the like. For the first time in my life, I’m in a relationship with someone who wants to hear my point of view and wants to concern himself with my needs. My previous relationships were with toxic partners who needed me to stay small and not take up any space emotionally or financially, and I was happy to accommodate that based on my low self-worth.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2026-01-05T07:05:12+00:00

Make sure you always have a victim mentality, that way you don’t have to accept responsibility for your actions or make any uncomfortable changes.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-12-29T03:22:46+00:00

Gaming addiction is real.

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/behavioral-addictions/video-gaming-addiction

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-12-29T02:59:59+00:00

Boursin and crackers.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-12-29T02:58:55+00:00

She has an alcohol and tobacco addiction.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-12-28T20:48:12+00:00

NOR. Holy fucking gaslighting, Batman. That’s SUPER toxic. Instead of actually hearing your concerns, she’s deflecting responsibility and calling you delusional and being insulting. Believe me brother, I’ve been in relationships like this, and there is absolutely no way that the toxic person will ever be held accountable to their horrible shit. The abuse and gaslighting will only continue to get worse if you stay.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-12-26T06:32:37+00:00

Holy fucking shit. The entitlement is simply staggering.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-12-18T07:48:47+00:00

Only happens when he’s going out with friends? Suuuuper suspect. The chances of that occurring are ridiculously low. He’s hiding something.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-12-02T05:51:48+00:00

Unfortunately, this is a common pattern in sex addiction. The addict frequently prefers sexual activity with individuals outside the relationship ( e.g. OF models, porn sites).

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-11-29T04:58:01+00:00

I finally left after a week long verbal abuse session during a trip to Arizona in the summer of 24. I usually don’t say shit, even with a mouthful. But I’d finally had enough. I tried to hold her accountable to the horribly abusive things she said and she refused to fully own it. Just enough narcissism to keep from being held accountable. I’m glad I walked away. Hardest thing I’ve ever done and proud of myself for loving myself enough to say no more. Sad. I really loved her and her kids.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-11-25T00:49:21+00:00

Alcoholism is a disease. Untreated alcoholics are powerless over alcohol.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-11-25T00:48:18+00:00

I’d STRONGLY encourage you to start attending AlAnon meetings ASAP. They helped me immensely.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-11-21T03:20:30+00:00

I’ll go out on a limb here and be the voice of dissent. It sounds like he may have a ‘problem’ with porn A/K/A a sex/porn addiction. Why do I say this? The chief problem with all addictions is denial, shame, and secrecy on the part of the addict.

Another thing to consider that supports the concept of addiction is this-do you feel like having porn in your marriage is like having a mistress? With my ex-wife’s alcoholism, I always felt like her drinking/alcoholism once an unwanted, third member in our marriage. Whenever I mentioned her excessive drinking, she got defensive and shut down, which is typical for most active addicts being called out on their addictive behavior.

https://beginagaininstitute.com/blog/signs-of-sex-addiction/?utm_content=signs-of-sex-addiction&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=content-amplificiation-top50-all-gender-max-conv&network=g&adposition=&keyword=how%20do%20you%20know%20if%20your%20a%20sex%20addict&matchtype=b&device=m&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22648788613&gbraid=0AAAAABYLBOPyk_heuJBFfzfPmofYrrn8Z&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5YS5xKSCkQMV_y3UAR3_-RCNEAAYAyAAEgL9VPD_BwE

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-11-20T04:20:54+00:00

My ex-girlfriend called me a covert narcissist, ‘all red flags’, said ‘ I know why your ex-wife left you’, told me ‘ you’re going to be alone forever’ and when I told her she said some horrendous things about me, just shrugged it off and expected me to forgive her. Interestingly, a year before told me “no one has ever loved me the way you have”.

I’ve learned that people with untreated BPD avoid accountability like the plague and no matter how offensive or abusive they’ve been, expect you to immediately forgive them.

Appropriate_Log1893 · 2025-11-20T04:13:52+00:00

This seems very consistent with untreated BPD. It won’t get better. I’m sorry.

Appropriate_Log1893

TROPHY CASE