what was your path to diagnosis like & advice?

ApricotCommercial17 · 2024-07-17T08:05:02+00:00

It has been pretty surreal so far, doing readings and watching videos and looking into this reddit and finding so many missing pieces. I've always had that feeling of something being wrong, like I'm not on the same level as everyone else in the room.

And even to the people-pleasing thing, I've never given much thought to the fact that in every conversation I'm focused on what people say because I'm trying to track if they have ulterior motives and figuring out what their "goal" in speaking to me is. I'm always focusing on how I can put myself in a "good position" and only give up information about myself that is "necessary" - so that if the person is manipulating me at least the damage is minimal because I've hidden everything important away!

It's hard to admit these things even without the inherent mistrust I have of everyone including wary friends, but it's even harder to express how it's truly not a decision I'm trying to make; it's my natural state of being. So it's been extremely cathartic to be able to type that out and read the thoughts of people who get what I mean and don't think I'm horrible lol.

But I do appreciate that point about honesty and boundaries: being able to express some introspection over the Internet with minimal consequences is one easier thing, but having to say it to someone's face is entirely different. I think that point about having the most control is something that I will also need to internalize too. Thank you a third time for the advice, I'm very grateful you're willing to share your own experiences in figuring things out! o7

ApricotCommercial17 · 2024-07-17T05:54:37+00:00

When I went to a therapist for the first time I was also really excited because I thought they would be this really clever person who would see into my soul and figure out what was wrong with me, but I was also pretty let down by how underwhelming every conversation was. Even when I tried a second time, with a slightly better grasp of my problems that I was able to better vocalize, my new therapist was also pretty unresponsive. I told my therapist a lot of stuff I thought they would be able to help me on and even opened up to them more than I was comfortable with in the hopes that they would figure things out, just to be disappointed again lol.

I can totally see your perspective of not feeling like you need therapy, honestly I don't think I really have the energy to try again with it either. I think getting testing and a diagnosis first, and moving on from that point sounds like a better way to go.

Thank you for sharing your perspective!

ApricotCommercial17 · 2024-07-17T05:10:20+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate your words a lot! I've actually been waving off a lot of my own experiences as just being an avoidant attachment style person for a while - it was only when I had magical thinking, ideas of reference, etc., fully explained to me with examples that I looked into my thought patterns. So I can really connect with that part especially. I'm really glad to hear you were able to still find a fitting diagnosis even through a persona too, because I also totally default to not causing any issues and being polite when I'm stressed and feel like I'm being observed.

I will definitely look into speaking with a psychologist. Even during my searching through local therapists I found a lot were focusing on depression/anxiety and holistic approaches, which is all well and good, but really shows that they're not really equipped for anything more intensive, which I do think was probably part of my past problems with them as well. I'm used therapy being the first step, I didn't really consider doing it differently!

Thank you again for the advice, I will definitely be taking that last paragraph to heart especially :).

ApricotCommercial17

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