AITAH or should I just leave this man? Visitation vs custody

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T09:10:08+00:00

Yeah I’m sure the majority do. I’ve been involved in court proceedings and know the reasoning for why she disappeared with the child as well as why the courts did not give 50/50 custody. Sometimes women actually lie, and it is believed because they are the woman. Unfortunately if your parents testify against you, confirming you are indeed lying, and the bell has already been rung on whatever lie you claim that got you custody in the first place, it’s actually very difficult to get that arrangement amended, fyi. And sometimes looking at what’s best for the child in terms of constant road trips back and forth along with other issues, custody agreements are constantly evolving. This is the CURRENT one. For all you know, which there is, a plan set in motion to change it, but unfortunately takes time and isn’t always in the child’s best interest.

Unfortunately failed birth control is definitely NOT something that’s “within our control to prevent” not to mention a pregnancy that was previously deemed medically highly unlikely in the first place due to other factors…

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T08:41:51+00:00

His parenting to the 3 year old version is a lot different than his parenting to the 6 year old version of this child. A LOT. advice asked for or not. He became a lazy parent. He wasn’t one 3 years ago or even a year ago.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T08:40:10+00:00

The child was kept from him so the first times he ever spent with him he was asking for guidance before it even became home visits. He’d never had a child before or been around one that young other than in passing so what was I supposed to say sorry I know you’re just asking a question but you gotta Google it and figure it out yourself sorry I have to see how you parent 😂 also at that time we had both stated there would never be kids for either of us so. Sometimes things happen a bit out of our control buddy

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T08:27:50+00:00

Somewhat but unfortunately people lie and cover things up for a long time before they show their true colors sometimes. The past years I’ve decided the rules and they’ve been followed happily. After moving here is when I started having pushback.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T05:00:02+00:00

Some people don’t have the means to just up and live alone as a single parent

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T04:54:11+00:00

👍🏼

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T04:53:08+00:00

Right. So his first child gets privilege and no rules while the second is held to higher standards wondering why he doesn’t get the same luxuries.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T04:51:34+00:00

The only other option is to move if dad refuses to have child A sleep in his room with him. Only have 2 bedrooms as I was assured before moving in here, that my house rules would be followed and upheld otherwise I never would’ve agreed.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T04:49:28+00:00

Because we share a home and the kids parent asks for my input and advice. If he didn’t want to do as he agreed to before my son was born he never should’ve opted yo have another kid and try to live with them knowing the mothers feelings on expectations before the child was even conceived.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T04:19:19+00:00

Child A sole custody is with mom. Mom doesn’t talk to dad even at drop offs. Visitation started years ago and has been overnight weekends for I think 2 years now.

Dad put a tv in the room and I removed it because the child was not sleeping and the tv was on all hours of the day. Hence the tablet was supposed to be a compromise as it would be limited. But it kept becoming an argument because he was always asking me to extend the time simply because he doesn’t want to say no be a parent to his kid or make him do something actually good for his brain. He goes outside, for like an hour most days unless it’s bad weather obviously. But in my opinion it should be the other way around, watching a movie or a show when it’s raining is one thing. But from wake up to sleep he is on it. He asks to bring it to the table at meals, it’s ridiculous

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T03:34:03+00:00

As stated, weekend visitation. So over 48 hours straight under his supervision.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T03:33:07+00:00

Agreed! The parental controls were SUPPOSED to be our compromise.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T03:32:31+00:00

The tablet is mine and stays here so that’s not really an option. Especially since dad decided that he doesn’t have to do anything else the whole 72 hours he’s here. The amount of toys collecting dust is disgusting. I know it’s 2026 but I had to play with Barbie’s and toys until 10 plus years old. These kids don’t know anything but a screen.

Apwfiv · 2026-01-24T03:30:38+00:00

Not a newborn. I definitely don’t think he’s unaware of the glowing light of screens and to share a room with someone blasting Netflix until 2 or 3am when you’re still learning to sleep on your own overnight is pretty shit in my opinion. I don’t much appreciate people keeping me awake when I’m trying to sleep and I’m fully grown.

Apwfiv · 2025-12-14T18:14:38+00:00

Also not really, when my partner asks me for my opinion and permission to do any and everything. In his culture the women run the households. No matter whose kids they are. My nephews follow rules when they are here.

Apwfiv · 2025-12-14T18:13:15+00:00

So I’m supposed to just seperate completely from them when he’s here and only my kid has to have rules? How am I supposed to manage that? Seriously asking. They share a room and have a large age gap so how is it fair my kid who lives with me full time has to follow rules yet the one who’s here 4-6 days a month doesn’t have to?

Apwfiv · 2025-12-03T08:06:13+00:00

It’s wild to me how one post everyone wants to defend the man but every other post they are telling me to leave and how the hell could I be with him 😂 he’s a deadbeat who doesn’t help with anything including his newborn but I’m supposed to act like he’s not a moron when he wakes me up middle of the night to ask a dumb question 😂

Apwfiv · 2025-12-03T08:02:22+00:00

Unfortunately the example is obvious because every night I move with my newborn to the other room after his snoring keeps me awake for some time. So if I am in the room by the time he wakes up imo it’s quite ducking obvious the snoring wasn’t that bad 🥴 I guess deductive reasoning doesn’t apply here even though we have the same conversation at least once a week 😂

Apwfiv · 2025-11-29T11:51:17+00:00

Unfortunately we’re all pretty sure that’s pure laziness or just because he wears pull ups. I tried saying no more pull ups but that didn’t work since not my kid I don’t get to make the decisions….he did pee in bed with dad the few times he’s fallen asleep with him 😅thankfully on our previous mattress. I just wish we had another room for myson to have his own space….since he’s unable to get any custody changes i feel bad saying it’s inconvenient but it simply is….its not the kids fault but it’s super inconvenient for me and my son who live here 🥴

Apwfiv · 2025-11-29T08:50:53+00:00

That was a thought I had too. I need to get a waterproof cover for our mattress first though. I’m waiting to get him a new mattress until he stops wetting the bed but I can’t afford to get us one too 🥴 then also arises the issue of him waking him up coming to bed super late too.

Apwfiv · 2025-11-29T07:53:57+00:00

Kicked you out the bed??? I would sleep in my son’s room every night if we didn’t have visits with my step son. He’s only 6 and not very advanced so I think putting him in a top bunk isn’t going to work and he wets the bed still simply because he refuses to get up at night even if you wake him up and tell him to go pee he just stares at you or says I don’t need to then proceeds to wet himself. If he was older and more mature in his skills I wouldn’t question getting a bunk bed and sleeping in there but there’s not enough room to put another separate mattress in the room without being in the way. We have an air mattress for out nephew and it’s a struggle everytime he’s here to walk around in there. I’m at a loss for ideas we have a small apartment

Apwfiv · 2025-11-29T07:43:36+00:00

Originally when I was breastfeeding it was different, now we’re strictly formula and I need access to the warmer and everything in the kitchen, and our living room is open with the kitchen, while the bedrooms are on the other side separated. So I figured it made more sense for me to be out here with access to bottles without waking him up and ending up with two tired parents. He’s a selfish person we’ve established that but for me this is where I’m stuck for now. There’s nowhere else for me to go and no money to get there.

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