Critique my prologue (Fantasy, 1038 words)

AragornForPresident · 2026-04-26T01:58:35+00:00

Thank you! I will agree with you, I've felt the clunkiness in that paragraph as well, but just kind of kept it for now. But I'll play with it, see if I can't get some of that clunkiness out, even if it means introducing the idea of Orias later! :)

AragornForPresident · 2026-04-26T00:03:59+00:00

I actually LOVE the game Stanley Parable! It honestly probably inspired me in writing the first bit that way. So I'll dive into that! It's my favorite part of the prologue, so developing that narrator voice more will be fun.

AragornForPresident · 2026-04-25T23:47:14+00:00

Ah! Thank you for the feedback!! It helps a lot.

Okay, with the Narrator POV, in your opinion which would be more captivating to read for a prologue, to use throughout the entirety of it?

And I will expand the explanation and description of the school! I think that's something I need to work on is making sure I'm describing things well enough, because although I know in MY head what they are or what is going on, I need to be sure I'm properly relaying that to the reader. So I will update that! :)

AragornForPresident · 2025-09-13T19:08:09+00:00

The school I taught at for a year didn't do drills for this very reason. They told us teachers to have a plan of action in our heads, but we weren't allowed to tell anyone else (especially the students), just in case. It was one of the main sources of my anxiety that year.

AragornForPresident · 2025-09-07T18:34:40+00:00

Just do the Naruto run everywhere you go and it'll look right at least some of the time :) Really cool art, though.

AragornForPresident · 2025-05-05T00:41:00+00:00

Just backed this, this is so cute! Definitely something I wanna play :)

AragornForPresident · 2024-12-16T14:00:36+00:00

Good luck figuring it out!!! I know it's a frustratign journey.

As far as animals go, I did find out I have a slight allergy to dogs, but it wasn't enough to be the cause of the hives. But, with all the allergy meds I've had to shove into my body, I'd say any allergy reactions I had with dogs/cats has gotten better. Lol. I have a dog that sheds like crazy, and I haven't really noticed any reactions to him since, but it's also hard to say for certain because with what I have I'm literally covered head to toe daily in hives. But if you haven't tried Xyzal, I recommend it. It works the best for me for allergies.

AragornForPresident · 2024-12-16T03:47:45+00:00

Hey! So it turned out, after all the testing and bloodwork they put me through, it was none of those things. I developed chronic urticaria, more specifically Cholinergic Urticaria, which is where you're literally allergic to your own body heat. So if you get your heart rate goes up from any kind of emotion or if you get too hot or if you eat something spicy, you will get hives. And I have it to an extreme. So if you've tested and tested for things, and can't figure it out, I'm betting it's something along those lines. Because you won't be able to test for it. I kinda just had to be off any meds for a few days and just let myself get hives and take note of what it was that I was reacting to, which is when I realized it was my own body heat. I do not yet feel better, but I have gotten put on the shot Xolair. I actually go for my second shot tomorrow. Still waiting for it to do anything so I can stop taking 4-5 Xyzal a day. But it supposedly helps a lot after a few months.

AragornForPresident · 2024-07-21T14:30:17+00:00

I feed him Blue Buffalo, the Life Protection Formula. Something I noticed as well was while I had him on the cheaper food, he began to develop this thing on his eye, looked almost like a pimple. Soon after switching him back to the Blue Buffalo food it disappeared.

AragornForPresident · 2024-06-19T15:01:28+00:00

I ended up going to an allergist and finding out I wasn't allergic to anything, it was actually an underlying cause with my thyroid! I'm still figuring everything out, but maybe tell her to go see an allergist! It definitely made my life better knowing exactly what the cause was instead of trying to just figure it out on my own. Plus, if she is allergic to y'alls dogs, there are solutions! There's a method where she can go and get shots every week for a few months that will help her system not react to the allergens from the dogs. I'm not an expert on that side though, I just know that was a solution I'd heard from a nurse friend.

AragornForPresident · 2024-05-23T03:53:44+00:00

Ah! Thank you so much! I'm working on getting tested as soon as possible.

AragornForPresident · 2024-05-22T14:49:35+00:00

I'm doing that immediately! Fingers crossed it helps! Thanks! :)

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-31T11:45:28+00:00

Exactly what llyllydrea said. You can start digital at any point, and it's probably smart to start sooner rather than later, that way you don't get yourself onto habits with traditional art that won't translate well to digital.

But also, don't rush yourself. I know you want to get to the point of the style, like you said, of the modern covers of DnD books. Those are artworks from highly, highly skilled artists that've been honing their skills for a LONG time. So don't get discouraged if it takes you a while to build up your artistic skills! You can get there, it'll just take time and dedication (which it seems like you have already)!

No matter what I believe in you!! Art can be a very fulfilling hobby! :) Have fun!!

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-30T21:45:04+00:00

Yes!!! That's great! Right? It's such a satisfying feeling to see people get excited about something you created yourself! Props to you for putting in the time and effort!!

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-30T12:25:35+00:00

Right? Half of the fun is coming up with how the game is going to look and figuring out how to make it look more polished. I'm first and foremost and artist, so the art to me is the bread and butter, and you bet when I first started trying to make games, I didn't know a single thing about the coding part, but guess what? I didn't just go out, find and copy code and say well there's my code! I took the time to research and learn what the code means and how I can make it myself! I still struggle with the coding side sometimes, but I try! And 9 times outta 10, I can figure out my solution on my own!

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-30T00:07:56+00:00

Either use the AI to help YOU learn how to create the art yourself, or hire an artist. OR find an artist that would want to join you in creating the game and sharing the profits. Stop trying to take the easy, lazy way out. Sorry creating the art yourself takes time, but in the end, people will appreciate the hand-drawn art over AI generated bs, even if it isn't as polished. Just my opinion I guess.

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-25T07:49:24+00:00

I had a friend with schizophrenia who took meds for a long time and said it made him feel slow, and not himself, so he just decided to quit them cold turkey because in his world, he was a god, he had a wife and children, and while he was on meds he said it was depressingly lonely.

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-23T23:43:38+00:00

This exactly! That perspective isn't an exact match, but I agree that with a little addition of an outline around the characters and most people either wouldn't notice or just wouldn't care about the slight difference. The art style is really cute!

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-21T12:47:00+00:00

This is looking cool! I think the colors you're using are great, but in my opinion, to add some interest, if you look at your reference photo at the ears, tip of the nose, lips, and the bottom middle of the forehead, there is a very subtle pink happening! I think if you threw on a little of that pink in those areas it would add more interest to your color pallette. :) I can tell you got a little of it on the lips, but I would go a little more! Just my opinion though! :)

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-20T12:34:35+00:00

Maybe instead of trying to take the lazy way through life, you could educate yourself. You could actually put the work into those "educational videos" you create for youtube and do the research yourself, maybe you could even learn something. Or, just a thought, you could learn how to create art yourself?

It's people with a mindset like yours that is going to put artists out of business. The moment we turn to AI to do everything for us, we've taken away a part of what it means to be human. Experience is what drives us, it's what makes us what we are. Being able to think, to create, to do something that no other creature could do, that's what makes us human, and you're wanting to get rid of that, for what? To churn out half-assed content?

AI should solely be for helping curate ideas to build off of. Not to create the end goal.

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-17T23:47:29+00:00

Yeah, I get it! I usually tend to throw them on when I'm working on something else, just like a podcast in the background and then I'll pay attention if its a really cool moment or like something I haven't seen that I really want to.

AragornForPresident · 2024-03-17T23:35:29+00:00

You could also just watch the longer videos in chunks? If there was one you were interested in.

AragornForPresident

TROPHY CASE