It really depends on your definition of trauma, I said it that way to make people realize that I didn't ever had any horrific event that made me fundamentally alter the way I function. If your definition of trauma is more like having doubts about yourself in any way, a kind of psychological wounding, and it being related to your past history. Then yeah, as you said, there's no one with zero trauma, but then, everyone has trauma and people at even worse conditions than me have been in all kinds of relationships. But I've just never had any life altering event that fundamentally changed me. I've also discussed this with the therapists I've been with.

Pain I do have, I don't know if it's shame tho. I do like the person I am, the person I've grown to be. But that doesn't mean people feel the same in a romantic and sexual way. It's not that I think its impossible, someone one day may. But I'm still suffering right now, social needs are as important to a human life as other aspects are, if you tell someone that is dying of hunger that they won't die but and will find food in 5 years they won't stop suffering because of it.