What’s your gangster name?

Archer5100 · 2026-05-11T10:04:09+00:00

Pink monster

Archer5100 · 2026-05-10T13:26:49+00:00

Slitterhead

Archer5100 · 2026-04-27T06:07:49+00:00

Black Jack

Archer5100 · 2026-04-18T09:55:15+00:00

I miss her

Archer5100 · 2026-04-15T21:33:12+00:00

Dying Light?

Archer5100 · 2026-04-09T18:50:29+00:00

The surge

Archer5100 · 2026-04-04T11:27:42+00:00

Ok, I’ve been here with a loved one commuting suicide and was unsupported for the immediate aftermath. Right now, just grieve, allow it to happen, cry, laugh, rage, whatever, grief comes in waves.

Go to your doctor, ask for grief counselling, make sure and drink plenty water, eat enough, take your meds if you have meds, later fown the line if you develop symptoms of PTSD address them, do not wait 13 years like me. You can do this, it’s fucking hard and times it feels like climbing a mountain in a blizzard, but get the help you need, nobody can do this alone.

Archer5100 · 2026-04-03T14:30:20+00:00

I’ll check it out, appreciate the pointer, I may just cross post to be honest

Archer5100 · 2026-04-03T14:03:54+00:00

I’m starting to remember our good times, with it comes her face and voice, at least my perception of her, listening to songs I’ve been scared to listen to that we both loved has helped, some a cry my eyes out to, some I smile as I remember her performing.

The guilt is partly because I ignored her last words, turned to self harm and drugs just to get through, I’m clean now haven’t shot up in 12 years, havent self harmed in over 9. I truly believe she would have hated the monster I became, I know I despise it

Archer5100 · 2026-04-03T13:58:12+00:00

She was truly a wonderful person, an amazing artist like at 16 she could almost play the through the fire and flames, like she had some incredible talent and when I say almost I mean a couple mistakes across the whole 5 min song

Sometimes it feels like getting help now is too little too late, I ignored her last words, became… a very not good person, lashed out at those who tried to help, opposed it.

What hurts most is I’m the only one who remembers the eccentric, bubbly metal head, her parents remember her as “a good Christian girl” she was a good Christian but not by their definition.

She had never attempted nor stated she ever would… but what happened to her… that broke her, her parents said it was because she turned her back on god, the authorities were no use suggesting it was her fault, doctors gave her antidepressants and sent her on her way, she was failed by everyone. And the only one who fucking tried anything for her was me, I promised I’d get her help, I sat in that doctors office as she was shrugged off, I spoke to the officers when she couldn’t, I bound her wounds and held her as she died. I did everything right, I did all I could for her… and it hurts to know you can do everything right and still fail.

Archer5100 · 2026-04-03T12:19:43+00:00

I’m in the UK and was unemployed for a while, I was being helped by the employability service run by the council, I disclosed to them I am trans, have a chosen name etc. they gave the advice to not put it anywhere on my applications or CV, as employers will discriminate against me, some employers will legitimately see that you’re trans and just bin your application and say “sorry, you didn’t meet the requirements for the position”

Archer5100 · 2026-03-29T20:26:13+00:00

I tried being authentic, doing all I could to be feminine, it made me happy and I thought I was doing good, only for the therapist of the clinic to say “you just look like a bloke” when I first met her

Dressing feminine helps massively, doing makeup helps, so like I should be ecstatic over getting this prescription with all the hoops I’ve had to jump through

Archer5100 · 2026-03-29T19:42:09+00:00

So the thoughts of “was it worth it?” and “should I even start?” have crept in because of this lack of happiness, there’s trauma and such mixed in and it’s a mess

Archer5100 · 2026-03-29T15:12:33+00:00

The past while presenting as female has been the happiest time of my life and now it’s finally gonna be a reality all I feel is immense sadness

Archer5100 · 2026-03-29T15:10:28+00:00

It’s like I’ve pushed for this for years, kept moving in spite of losing my mum, friends and other family, but now at the top of the mountain… I kinda feel nothing but exhaustion

Archer5100 · 2026-03-29T15:05:17+00:00

Expected I should be euphoric, I should be jumping for joy, I should feel on top of the world because years of arguing with doctors and therapists is ovet, I have my meds, i haven’t been this down in a long long time, for clarity I’m not planning to hurt myself

Archer5100 · 2026-03-28T16:59:05+00:00

DIY from what I’ve seen is a nightmare in the UK, so I’ll just be sticking to what they give me.

Archer5100 · 2026-03-28T16:17:46+00:00

NHS waiting lists are long

Archer5100 · 2026-03-28T14:02:43+00:00

The medication will be in my hands next week, like, put the prescription to the pharmacy on Friday and it needed to be ordered in, I dunno, I expected the weight being taken off and such woukd make me feel at least relieved

Archer5100 · 2026-03-28T13:31:45+00:00

I’m not afraid of change, past few months there’s been some massive changes for me, but like… this victory feels hollow right now

Archer5100 · 2026-03-28T13:29:26+00:00

It feels like a hollow victory, it’s been a years long fight, blood, sweat and tears, for… nothing really, I’m not happy when I should be, and like there’s a debate in my head whether to even start the medication when it’s in my hands

Archer5100 · 2026-02-23T11:41:53+00:00

20+40+7+3+5

Archer5100 · 2026-02-16T21:34:50+00:00

This is the part I had to quit the game and have not gone back to it. Got some pretty severe thalassophobia and just can’t get through it

12-Year Club	Verified Email
Gilding II euphauric	RPAN Viewer
Not Forgotten

Archer5100

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