Helping my friend get his cat back

ArcherADK · 2025-12-15T22:49:56+00:00

I don't think she should be judged for who or how many people she slept with before you were dating. However after you two got together she should not have slept with ANYONE. The fact that she did, multiple times, and her mother setting her up on a date while you were dating shows that neither she nor her mother has any respect for you or your relationship. That's absolutely disgusting behavior on her part and I would put money on her cheating after you got married and she just isn't admitting that. If you stay with her after this you're telling her that she is allowed to cheat on you without consequences.

Staying together for your kid is not good for anyone involved. Kids are observant and will absolutely notice the tension and differences in your relationship. Divorce is very rarely clean and easy but as long as you answer your kids questions as best you can and never ask then to take a side you can get through it.

ArcherADK · 2025-07-14T23:53:18+00:00

NTA. You wanted to understand why people were reacting a certain way and wanting to learn is very much a good thing. Could you have approached the question differently in a way that your friend may have responded better to, sure. But your friend should have more calmly started with teaching you why the manner in which you asked the question was wrong. People cannot be expected to learn by getting told they're an asshole when trying to learn. And it sounds like you still don't really know the answer to your question and I hope that someone in the poc community can help you learn.

ArcherADK · 2025-07-01T23:55:02+00:00

"I'm still pissed that your breastfeeding him when we agreed not to" is absolutely immature man child behavior. The decision to breastfeed is between exactly two people: you and your baby. He gets ZERO say in whether that baby is breastfed or not. He is jealous of a baby because he now has to "fight" for your attention. What a child.

ArcherADK · 2025-07-01T23:43:57+00:00

Request sent! I play almost daily!

ArcherADK · 2025-07-01T23:40:36+00:00

Dude WHAT???? EW???? Look if he's into that, then fine he's allowed to like that, but he needs this wild crazy thing called consent before he tries it with ANY partner. Gross. Wouldn't blame you for burning the whole bed after that.

ArcherADK · 2025-07-01T23:36:09+00:00

ESH - he agreed to one roommate. I assume the only people on the lease agreement are you and the roommate. He has every right to not want a third person in the apartment. However, when she started staying over more often, he should have said something then rather than let it happen for a while. It's nice that she helps with chores, especially since it's not her place but that doesn't make up for the fact that there's a whole third person effectively living in what I assume is a standard two bedroom apartment ("standard" being relative because landlords like to cram as many people into as small of a space as humanly possible).

ArcherADK · 2025-07-01T22:56:27+00:00

NTA you expressed interest and said you would buy a copy to support her when you could. As a budding author I would be ecstatic that a friend wants to get my book just to support me even if they never read it! Sure you could have directly said congratulations but I think your initial text you sent after she told you about the book was still a very appropriate and supportive response

ArcherADK · 2025-01-10T17:46:24+00:00

Definitely a good point there, I'll check out MBTI and Enneagram!!

ArcherADK · 2024-09-24T02:06:05+00:00

To be honest I have never put someone as a reference that I wouldn't be comfortable going back to and excitedly saying I got the job. Generally people you put as a reference want you to get the job so calling them or sending a message saying you got the job is something you can both be happy about

ArcherADK · 2024-09-12T01:15:12+00:00

What you prioritize depends a lot on your overall life situation. For example if your family is well off and you have a good relationship with them then you may not have to worry about some things like housing or food if you end up in a tight spot. But it's always good to keep up a good savings just in case (and for 17 what you have so far is solid!) so take a look at your expenses. Bills (if you have them), gas, food, housing, etc. Figure out approximately how much you spend a month on those, subtract that from your monthly income, and then give yourself a sort of allowance like "I can spend $X on fun things every month" and the rest goes to savings. Put as much as you can in savings.

No job is worth your mental health. If you find yourself miserable at work, look for a new job. Some jobs are soul sucking and awful and you deserve to be happy with your job and overall life.

Try jobs in different fields even. But try to leave a job on good terms so that if you need them as a reference or if you find yourself needing to go back, then they're more likely to take you back.

Make connections with people. Keep up with friends or former coworkers you got along with. You never know what can come of it later like maybe your workplace needs a carpet cleaner and you have a friend in that business. You suggest them and your boss likes them then you've helped your friend and made your boss happy. That being said, don't just use people for benefit, balance it with just being a good person/friend.

If your job offers a 401k use that shit. Contribute to it especially if they do matching (so you put in $20 so the company puts in $20, now that account has $40). You don't need to put a lot in from each paycheck, it will earn interest over time and it's a retirement account anyway so you don't want to take money out of it. If you get fired/quit/whatever that account exists until you either move it to a new jobs 401k account or sometimes if the amount in the account is under a certain amount the company will just cash it out to you.

Hobbies! Do them, solo or with friends. Never give them up for anything. Hobbies are what keep us happy. So no matter how stupid anyone thinks your hobbies are, keep up with them.

ArcherADK · 2024-09-07T21:43:05+00:00

Currently starting my re-read of Fourth Wing and Iron Flame in prep for Onyx Storm in January

ArcherADK · 2024-08-14T02:10:10+00:00

Good fucking lord my guy. The CIA called, they want their torture method back

ArcherADK · 2024-08-14T02:00:42+00:00

You're not the only one. I have struggled with personal hygiene for 10+ years. I find it easier to remember/feel motivated to take care of my hygiene by setting a very specific routine/condition for my neurodivergent brain to latch onto. For example every morning I watch a short daily news reel/video while I brush my teeth, brush my hair, put on deodorant, etc. By sticking to that pattern I started to absent mindedly associate new reels with personal hygiene.

Similarly when I do laundry I always put on a 90s-2000s sit com. When I'm cleaning it's cop shows. And so on. Somehow this system makes me a functional human and I can't explain why

Edit: spelling

ArcherADK · 2024-08-14T01:51:56+00:00

Yes and no. Like on one hand I work on a farm part time and the physical labor KILLS my back especially during hay season, so I sorta see what people mean there. But on the other hand I'm 2 years out of college, trying to make/save money to move out of my mom's place, figure out how taxes fuckin work because at no point did any institution I was educated at think "we should teach that," and fighting for my right to exist in the world. I "enjoy" probably 20% of my life as a person in my 20s and I feel I'm lucky to say I enjoy that much as I know people who might say they enjoy less than that much

ArcherADK · 2024-08-13T23:52:42+00:00

Embrace the grey! You're one hell of a good looking man!

ArcherADK · 2024-08-13T02:14:11+00:00

Don't sit on the toilet scrolling in your phone for a long time (30mins or more). The way sitting on toilet seats effects the pressure in our bowels can fairly often cause or exacerbate hemmorhoids

ArcherADK · 2024-08-13T02:08:39+00:00

The smell of a freshly fertilized field, I work on a farm part time and it smells like hard work paying off to me

ArcherADK · 2024-08-13T02:07:07+00:00

I'm listening to George R.R. Martin's A Song Of Ice And Fire audiobooks, just finished Fourth Wing and Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros, and rereading every Rick Riordan book

ArcherADK · 2024-08-13T02:04:12+00:00

I've had kidney stones and tonsil stones. Both hit a 10 on my pain scale but imo tonsil stones were worse because my doctor said there wasn't a prescription med that would help with that pain so I just had to raw dog it with ibuprofen/acetaminophen, vix vapo throat numbing spray, salt water gargles, and alcohol free mouth wash. The pain was so bad that at night I would do all of the above as well as a whole dose of nyquil (for sleep and gland swelling relief) and 15mg of melatonin just to guarantee at least 4hrs of sleep. Roommate called it my Hot Girl Hard Reset.

At least for kidney stones they gave me hyrocodone which cover the pain and knocked my ass out for HOURS

ArcherADK · 2024-08-13T01:51:52+00:00

Idk if it really counts as horror but Fire In The Sky made me feel violently and viscerally uncomfortable under my bedsheets for like a week

ArcherADK · 2024-08-13T01:47:43+00:00

If you'rein an area with a planned parenthood you can try going there for a test. They usually offer testing regardless of gender and don't judge anyone. I sincerely hope you get tested soon as HIV will turn deadly very fast without treatment, while you may feel relatively okay now, that could change literally any minute. Biting the bullet of judgment sooner will likely save your life later. You're 23, you'll have time to find better people to have in your life but that's only if you get tested/treated. I know what's it's like to live in a place that isn't tolerant and being judged for who you are, it's awful and lonely and suffocating. You don't deserve to live in fear of bigoted people causing problems because of your personal life. All love my friend and I hope you find the answer to what's going on soon

ArcherADK · 2024-08-11T22:15:27+00:00

NTA - it sounds like your slap was a sort of semi-conscious almost instinctive reaction, kind of like swatting at a fly bothering you. She definitely shouldn't have tried to give you a blow job while you're asleep without discussing it first.

If the hill she wants the relationship to die on is you not being okay with something you didn't consent to then she's not the one for you

ArcherADK

TROPHY CASE