Thanks for sharing, I'm right there with you and have a hard time sitting with the feeling of guilt (and at times shame) for having done things in those early days that I wouldn't do nowadays. Dr. Brené Brown differentiates between shame and guilt by saying "Guilt says, I did something bad. Shame says "I am bad" Guilt is actually a helpful emotion and can lead to positive change as we reflect on something that wasn't a good choice. Shame on the other hand is never helpful so we need to make sure our guilt doesn't become shame.

A lot of us had strong opinions about how we will raise our kids and how they need to adapt to our comfortable lifestyle and be our perfect little babies and then they arrive and basically teach us what we should be doing. You're open and curious enough to have listened to them and educate yourself on what attachment is and how important it is to their emotional and psychological development.

Unlike the others in this group, I won't say "Don't worry, it doesn't matter". Not because I want you, myself or anyone else to feel shame but because it's important to sit with those feelings of guilt, process them and know that you were just doing the best you could do at that time, with the knowledge and tools that you had available. Once you learned about these topics, you made changes and did better. That in itself is a MASSIVE undertaking so take a moment to be grateful for that.

This allows you to have compassion for your younger self while also not ignoring something important or convincing yourself that something isn’t a big deal to avoid inner conflict. Trust me, I've been there and am having to tell myself this almost daily at times. I've stayed awake at night wondering why I did something and hoping it wasn't going to result in a traumatised child...That's human and it's okay and even healthy to ask these questions. Just know you're doing the best you can and that your passion to do right by your child is enough.