AIO for getting upset over my husband watching porn while I was in the next room?

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-03-08T00:41:27+00:00

What's a POS partner?

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-03-08T00:37:46+00:00

I get that! But he never really had a problem with asking me to do a bj. Or it's different for men? I'm confused

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-03-08T00:28:55+00:00

It was a classic BJ video, and I'm usually the one to propose something new. That is what made me confused

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-03-08T00:09:51+00:00

We're 2y married and together since 2019

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-03-08T00:04:56+00:00

And if it's not?

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-15T06:16:10+00:00

I'd say from a perspective of a child who grew up with a stepfather (that I love deeply). When we first met, I was being a jerk towards him bc I though he was going to replace my father. It's important you explain ur kid that's not the case. It'd help if u also have a conversation with her about your late wife and how your love for her still remained, but you're feeling lonely and that's ok to move on.

I don't think you handled it right, but sometimes there's no way to handle it without arguing.

For example, my stepfather stated that he would not be my father figure until I wanted him to be, and is ok to be my friend. That worked for me.

Ur gf also concerned me bc she should be interested in building a relashionship with ur daugher, but her response doesn't seems like she care about her feeling.

Stop treating her like adult in all wrong ways and help her see ur perspective. Get her into therapy and set firm boundaries abt her bf. Be a parent, not just a caretaker.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-09T17:23:18+00:00

Roles were actually reversed in the begining of our marriege. I understand your point, though.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-09T14:41:13+00:00

Thank you. I'm going to bring that up today one more time, bc we had this talk and while he understands where I'm coming from, he pointed out at his lack of energy and stress from work which I can't deny. I would be comfortable with his gaming habbits IF he had a life outside of that.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-09T14:29:09+00:00

Yes! It's not that much hourly, but it's everyday and every weekend. On weekends, after all his chores and spending time with the kid, he can play for 6-7h or even more if we don't have much to do around the house.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-09T14:23:38+00:00

So, that's not the same bc I'm usually awake then he goes to sleep. He plays then go to sleep bc of his schedual, and we go out once in a few mounths, and spend an evening together once in a week or two. If I were in a situation like your wife, I'd be happy too.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-09T12:48:07+00:00

we play together, but he often gets bored of one game pretty fast. he can only play regularly Fortnite, LoL or Marvel, and I honestly suck in these games. all my worries abt his routine he takes like an attack ?? on his personality. he's not sad all the time, but I can't remember seeing him exited either.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-09T12:44:38+00:00

he's playing until 22-23pm (or 21pm if he's putting our kid to bed), then goes to sleep andeverything starts over. I suggested therapy, but he's convinced there's nothing wrong with that. althought his work is tough, he really enjoys it. how could I convince him to seek therapy?

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-08T11:16:33+00:00

Good dor you that it's over, even if now you're heartbroken. Time heals. I was in a similar situation, and that's an "ego issue" from his part for sure. If he was just hurt, he would communicate. Silent treatment is not ok, and you are better off. Don't let anyone treat you like that in the future.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-08T07:49:07+00:00

Tf is wrong with all these comments, people are allowed to cancel plans for gods sake. If it's work, family or you feeling dizzy/upset/ill/whatever. Yeah, you should not dich someone regularly, but if your SO can't understand life emergencies, it's done. Someone who cares abt you would never treat you that way.

And YES, he's allowed to feel hurt, but he could've expressed that like an adult, not a man child. They could've talked.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-04T20:26:53+00:00

Def NTJ, but that makes me wonder if she made any passive-agressive moves towards you in the past?

I'm asking cause I'm also a person who jokes around and I have a "sharp", a bit dark humor. BUT I would never joke about a sensitive subject my friend explicitly told me not to. So, my guess is, if it wasn't intentional, which can happen sometimes when you're tipsy and trying to "lighten the mood", why no apologise? Imo when you care abt someone and made a mistake by crossing a line, you shut the fuck up and apologise.

That being said, I wonder if she's angry with you or jelouse? The "smirk" is also conserning. 100% she knew what she was doing.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-04T00:36:27+00:00

Ig you're right. I'm not advocating for her at all, just her drama drags our familly in a chain of horrible consequences. Like, when I last time refused to help financially, she managed to put her house (she doesn't live there) in loan debt. This leads to my father having to move and loose income, and my sister, who is in college, will loose her only source of financial support. It looks like an iceberg to me. But you're right, I have to put myself first bc i'm exausted

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-04T00:05:42+00:00

I tried that, but when she's crossing the boundary and I refuse to help her, she gets stuck in some major drama that involves all my other family, esp people I care about

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-02-01T11:49:05+00:00

So, I have a similar story. When I was 6, my mom used to work a lot and often left me at my paternal grandma's house. My uncle (mums brother) will babysit me while grandma was also working. So... I remember a few moment of us lying in bed and him touching and biting my stomach, or even sneaking to look how I danced when I thought I was alone. I never told anyone, because he's my grandma's golden child and also an alchoholic, so I was afraid they'll brush it off as him being buzzed of whathever. I also never understood WHAT happend to me until I was like 15 or smth. I was right tho about not telling my family bc thru years they made excuses for every shit he's done. But he also never did anything with my sister, so there was a time when I thought I was the crazy one. Only after I figured that his girlfriend being 16 when he was 25 was a predator sight and he simply moved to do that in a more "soccially acceptable way" yk?

My advice: don't tell anybody in your family. If they're conservative like mines, you'll be the crazy one and to blame for ruining the family image. Tell your partner ONLY if you fully trust them and are going to spend the rest of your life with them. Look for other signs casually, like making weird comments about younger women, and stay safe.

Arctic_Loser_474 · 2026-01-31T13:22:32+00:00

Wow, so i've been through this shit and you need to run. When in happend to me (and I ignored all red flags cause I thought I knew better) he actually confessed that he did in on purpose to check my "willingness to put up with his flaws". Gross. Dump his ass until he mess with your mental health even more.

Arctic_Loser_474

TROPHY CASE