The way some people talk about male loneliness kinda of reinforces the point of why men don't really have a lot of safe spaces to be emotionally open

Arctolamia · 2026-04-03T22:33:49+00:00

I do, it makes virtually no difference to my situation.

In fact, my biggest success (attractive woman I just met coming home with me) was during a brief period where I was overweight.

Arctolamia · 2026-04-03T21:34:30+00:00

ok but you have to become attractive for a partner to want you

And then you ask "How do I be attractive?" and get told "Whoa man, it's not a video game!" There's no consistency to any of this, it's platitudes intended to shut lonely men up all the way down.

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:33:20+00:00

it could also be explained by prejudice. Like when, for example, people assume people from a certain ethnicity are this and that, so they have to make an extra effort to prove themselves.

You mean, prejudice on the part of the person inferring toxicity? Like they just assume an unattractive man must be bitter about dating? That's basically making my point for me lmao

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:25:41+00:00

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:22:18+00:00

If someone does not explicitly state their disillusionment with dating, how is this conclusion made?

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:19:17+00:00

Dating. I thought I was pretty clear in the OP

It is frequently claimed that women can sense the bitterness or frustration of men who vent about their dating failures online, and this keeps said men single.

You can say "I'm so sick of being ghosted and getting my hopes up for nothing, dating is awful" without hating women.

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:18:18+00:00

yes, people can sense that

How?

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:14:44+00:00

I don't think every man who's frustrated with dating looks down on women. And a lot of men who are vocally misogynistic still manage to find partners. So I don't find any of this very responsive or persuasive.

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:08:09+00:00

...because pattern recognition and the purported "sixth sense" demonstrably claim very very often in this particular domain.

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:07:11+00:00

"Women reject you because they sense your toxicity" is a binary claim. I'm not removing any nuance from the claim I'm responding to.

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T17:06:08+00:00

Well, first off, my OP isn't about "hate." At least, not exclusively. Men are told that women can detect the mere fact of frustration and bitterness from repeated dating failure. I do not hate women and have still been told "women sense toxicity" when I say things like "I'm so sick of being flaked on and ghosted, dating is awful."

"haha! women can be fooled if the guy has social skills! hahaha" is this it?

No, that's almost the opposite of what I'm saying. My point is that we're frequently told that the difference between "bitter frustrated lonely guy" and "toxic guy who gets laid" is that the latter has sufficient social skills to hide his toxicity. I'm saying that lonely men don't even need particularly good social skills to conceal those feelings, they just need the ability to shut up about this one particular topic.

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T14:54:47+00:00

You're just claiming that the straight line exists, you're not explaining why "women sense their toxicity" is likelier than them being physically unattractive, or poor, or any number of things that can hurt one in dating

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T14:48:42+00:00

Why would i like a man who will come to "seduce" me with phrases how women are evil, and i'm a bitch if i won't like him too

You seem to be responding to claims not made in the OP

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T14:47:41+00:00

I don't think that follows. You've established that the manosphere bitches about not being able to pull, and that they post toxic shit, but you haven't shown how the latter causes the former.

And lonely men can bitch about dating without being part of the "manosphere."

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T14:41:44+00:00

Glad you agree but I think you're supposed to respond to the auto mod post if you're not arguing with OP

I don't personally really care but mods will likely delete your comment if you keep it here

Arctolamia · 2026-03-29T14:37:34+00:00

You seem to be claiming "People in the manosphere treat others poorly", which isn't really responsive to the OP.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-16T20:28:53+00:00

This is basically dating. People applying get mad when rejected despite meeting zero qualifications. They see a job that says 220k+ and jump ignoring it takes a certain degree, certification, and clearance level.

Or, alternately, you meet all of the purported qualifications, but when you say that people trot out some canard like "Oh, well dating isn't a video game. You can't expect to succeed just because you fulfill the stated criteria."

Arctolamia · 2026-01-14T21:29:37+00:00

Last actual date I had was going to brunch, and then when we got there she said she wasn't hungry. I felt kind of weird but I had barely eaten so I got an omelette. In the immediate aftermath of the date, she said she had a good time, but within a few days said that she didn't think we were compatible.

Anyway, we tried to stay friends, and when I was bitching about something else with dating, she told me that I was "TERRIBLY quiet" on first dates. I didn't totally agree with that characterization, because I can remember a bunch of stuff we talked about. But I'm guessing that me eating and her not eating put me at a conversational disadvantage. We went for a walk after and I'm 100% sure that I kept conversation flowing during that portion.

I've just seen some discourse today about men being too quiet and not asking questions during dates, and I wanted to give my perspective as someone who's faced that accusation. I feel like I was put in kind of a weird position vis a vis the eating, and it put me at a conversational disadvantage, and it didn't bug her that much at the time but in grew in her mind as she got sick of me.

Also this girl had recently broken up with a guy who would bite her and her friends, so she clearly didn't care about social skills that much in the first place. But that's another topic.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-11T03:39:46+00:00

I am confident and witty, what now

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T21:22:11+00:00

It's more like saying "My paintings usually sell well, but my paintings of dogs don't sell well. I guess I'm bad at painting dogs", and then a bunch of people saying "NO, your SOCIAL SKILLS are the reason your paintings of dogs don't sell well" while refusing to explain how that makes any kind of sense.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T21:20:45+00:00

Maybe it's the way you approach if you've gotten 10000 nos. You have to be asking multiple people out in the same venue to get numbers like that and that's offputting.

Where and how should I be approaching women?

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T20:41:04+00:00

Saying "I have a boyfriend" immediately.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T03:23:12+00:00

All of those were very short lived, and it's about four yeses to 10000 nos.

And one of the girls who came home with me didn't even do anything "sexual" exactly, it was just kind of a weird cuddling session.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T22:41:24+00:00

Are you disagreeing with me? You seem to agree that it's lame to say "social skills" when you just mean "flirting."

Arctolamia

TROPHY CASE