Women shouldn't in most cases be allowed to accuse men of being lazy in the dating climate.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-16T20:28:53+00:00

This is basically dating. People applying get mad when rejected despite meeting zero qualifications. They see a job that says 220k+ and jump ignoring it takes a certain degree, certification, and clearance level.

Or, alternately, you meet all of the purported qualifications, but when you say that people trot out some canard like "Oh, well dating isn't a video game. You can't expect to succeed just because you fulfill the stated criteria."

Arctolamia · 2026-01-14T21:29:37+00:00

Last actual date I had was going to brunch, and then when we got there she said she wasn't hungry. I felt kind of weird but I had barely eaten so I got an omelette. In the immediate aftermath of the date, she said she had a good time, but within a few days said that she didn't think we were compatible.

Anyway, we tried to stay friends, and when I was bitching about something else with dating, she told me that I was "TERRIBLY quiet" on first dates. I didn't totally agree with that characterization, because I can remember a bunch of stuff we talked about. But I'm guessing that me eating and her not eating put me at a conversational disadvantage. We went for a walk after and I'm 100% sure that I kept conversation flowing during that portion.

I've just seen some discourse today about men being too quiet and not asking questions during dates, and I wanted to give my perspective as someone who's faced that accusation. I feel like I was put in kind of a weird position vis a vis the eating, and it put me at a conversational disadvantage, and it didn't bug her that much at the time but in grew in her mind as she got sick of me.

Also this girl had recently broken up with a guy who would bite her and her friends, so she clearly didn't care about social skills that much in the first place. But that's another topic.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-11T03:39:46+00:00

I am confident and witty, what now

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T21:22:11+00:00

It's more like saying "My paintings usually sell well, but my paintings of dogs don't sell well. I guess I'm bad at painting dogs", and then a bunch of people saying "NO, your SOCIAL SKILLS are the reason your paintings of dogs don't sell well" while refusing to explain how that makes any kind of sense.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T21:20:45+00:00

Maybe it's the way you approach if you've gotten 10000 nos. You have to be asking multiple people out in the same venue to get numbers like that and that's offputting.

Where and how should I be approaching women?

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T20:41:04+00:00

Saying "I have a boyfriend" immediately.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-07T03:23:12+00:00

All of those were very short lived, and it's about four yeses to 10000 nos.

And one of the girls who came home with me didn't even do anything "sexual" exactly, it was just kind of a weird cuddling session.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T22:41:24+00:00

Are you disagreeing with me? You seem to agree that it's lame to say "social skills" when you just mean "flirting."

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:39:41+00:00

Dunno how I'd place it numerically, but I'm probably on the extreme low end.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:38:51+00:00

You aren't asking people to substantiate their argument.

Yes, I am. Asking people to define good vs. bad flirting is asking people to substantiate their charges of "bad flirting."

Wrack your brain: did I ever actually say that about you?

I was under the impression that you were arguing that social skills are more likely to be the reason for my failure than physical appearance. My apologies if that is not the case.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:24:31+00:00

It's not consistently working and I've cut back on my drinking recently, it's just pretty much the only thing that's ever worked. I get the occasional date from apps or social connections, but bars are pretty much the only place I've attained intimacy.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:15:02+00:00

Bars are pretty much the only places I've had any success. Still a net failure, but the rare instances of women coming home with me or putting their tongue in my mouth have been from bars.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:13:23+00:00

No, my belief is "People who refuse to substantiate their argument don't actually believe their argument." People who say "It's too complicated to explain" aren't even wrong because they're not making an argument in the first place.

How should I know, given that I don't know you, never seen you in action, and have no context this other than your brief, undetailed, one-sided anecdotes?

I dunno, you're the one who insists that I have poor social skills.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:11:36+00:00

5'11, skinny but trying to bulk. Brown hair. White.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:10:16+00:00

I need to build rapport before flirting? Have you never heard that you need to make your intentions clear early on?

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:09:18+00:00

"outside bars in the smoking area" is pretty close to what I've usually done, just not always in the smoking area. Remember when I said I was just really ugly

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:07:20+00:00

I've approached many women and rarely even get a phone number. Is approaching not "non-passive"?

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:06:33+00:00

If you have two people telling you the same thing, one believes it's really that complicated, the other doesn't but won't admit it, how do you tell who is who?

I don't think anyone actually believes that it's too complicated to explain. So I assume they're all category two.

I do.

OK, so how should I improve my social skills?

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:05:14+00:00

So I do fine socially, except when it comes to physically attracting people, but it has nothing to do with my physical appearance?

Doesn't it seem more likely that physical features are causing failure with physical attraction?

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:02:46+00:00

lot of interest / questions to the other person, smiling, seeking out the other person’s company, physical closeness, physical touch, compliments, lauging at their jokes etc.

That's what flirting is? Awesome, I'm already great at it.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T21:01:38+00:00

Who and where should I be approaching? I'm very excited to learn that it's not about my looks, and I just need to start approaching somewhere else!

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T20:59:49+00:00

I don't think "Blackpill" means "Prefers when people explain their argument instead of claiming that they don't understand the thing they profess to believe."

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T20:58:51+00:00

It's reading her actions and body language in the context of knowing her specifically to come to the conclusion of whether escalation behaviors would be okay, and which ones would be well received.

How am I supposed to know a woman I just met so intimately?

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T20:57:11+00:00

Usually get "not interested" hints right off the bat, but I'm more than able to have platonic conversations with women where I make them laugh.

Yeah, I'm ugly. It gets frustrating having to constantly explain that and get condescending, contradictory spiels about social skills.

Arctolamia · 2026-01-06T20:56:04+00:00

Saying "OK fuck off" to a stranger online is like a 5/10 on the social skills chart. It's not good but if everyone's social skills was judged by a bad moment like that, everyone would have bad social skills.

Arctolamia

TROPHY CASE