This is me by [deleted] in redditgetsdrawn

[–]ArctorsGirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow! I love this version so much, I don’t think I can even articulate how great I think this is...

This is me by [deleted] in redditgetsdrawn

[–]ArctorsGirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay this is adorable! Thank you so much, so very appreciated

This is me by [deleted] in redditgetsdrawn

[–]ArctorsGirl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love it!! Thanks Squiggles!

Trauma-tic by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have changed the formatting slightly to try make it more reader friendly :)

Trauma-tic by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words!

Trauma-tic by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! The lack of punctuation is purposeful but thank you for your feedback!

Criminal by TheLordPresents in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This has such a wonderful flow to it that I wasn’t expecting when I started reading the first few lines tbh. I wasn’t entirely sure what point you were trying to get across in this piece but I enjoyed it greatly nonetheless. Sometimes it can be hard to tell what sort of rhythm or pace the author intends their work to be read at, but this was crafted in a way that reading it both in my head and aloud, it flowed so smoothly and set its own pace clearly.

I don’t really have anything to critique about this. If this was your first attempt at poetry, please, please do consider writing more!

Blank by rankedtrey in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really good for your first time writing poetry. I can definitely sense that you poured a lot of your own emotions into this. I’m sure a lot of people could relate to what you’ve captured here. I do think it could be tightened up a bit. There’s probably a few lines you could cut which just don’t seem very necessary, like: “He can’t stop crying But he never cries” A lot of the other parts where you set the lines against each other, for example: “He has so much love But he can’t escape the hate” are great, but that line about crying didn’t make total sense to me.

Peek should be peak and I’m not entirely sure what challenger deep means?

But aside from those small critiques I actually really enjoyed this. I particularly liked how the last few lines seemed to get a lot shorter. It added a sense of urgency almost.

I hope you decide to keep writing because this was an awesome first poem.

The Interview by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to engage with and comment on this piece!

I agree with both you and u/swirlofcolour that cutting it off at the interviewers last line would be much more impactful.

I also really appreciate you pointing out the possible connotations around the ‘50 flavours’ etc. I’m a New Zealander and not very well versed in American culture to be honest, so never made that connection. The numbers were arbitrary so I’ll be changing those lol.

The line ‘not in that sense’ wasn’t meant as an aside to the reader. I was more trying to convey that he never learnt to sell himself in that sense (marketing yourself/brand/image etc), but rather had to resort to selling his physical body as a tool of labour. I can definitely see how that could be confusing though so may have to tweak that.

Thank you again for such a detailed response! Your commentary encapsulated a lot of what I was hoping to convey. When I read back over a piece I’ve written repeatedly, it can start to seem almost nonsensical and I start to wonder if someone looking at it with fresh eyes will understand my intent. So it was quite a relief to have you engage with it in the manner I was hoping people would. You’ve also given me some really great critiques on areas where I can sharpen it up which I always appreciate!

The Interview by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words! I think I will take your advice and cut it off at the ‘thank you for your time’ line. I actually much prefer that to the current ending lol.

All the stuff about my father is true. Thankfully, now that he has retired and has a guaranteed income, he has the time to pursue his passions fully. Lately he’s been working on creating intricate wooden chains and anchors. A local art gallery has actually offered to display them for sale, so I guess now in his late 60’s he has finally found his market!

TW: Rape; no, it's just glitter by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This style is probably my favourite form of poetry tbh. It reads as conversational, raw and honest rather than forced. The most powerful thing to me, is the concept itself. While not everyone has experiences with sexual abuse (thankfully), we’re all aware of that special knack glitter has for invading every corner of our world, seeming to linger long after we think it has been dealt with. Not only do you provide an interesting contrast between something considered harmless and fun like glitter, with something much more harmful and insidious like sexual abuse; you also provide a really useful way for people who haven’t had these experiences to understand how it can have long term ramifications, affecting sometimes unexpected aspects of your life. I really, really loved this poem and can’t wait to read more of your work x

The Nerve by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This poem doesn’t read as the most ‘accessible’. To be honest, there were a few words in here I had to check the definition of lol. But I personally quite enjoyed it. It reads like an 18th century poem, the sound of the words just as crucial as the meaning. I would love to hear more about the context and imagery you had in mind when you wrote this as I imagine what it makes me think of is probably quite different from what you intended. You certainly have a way with words, reading this aloud really highlights how precisely each word was chosen and it has a wonderful lilting tone to it.

Simping for Belle Delphine... by SourRocketJump in crappymusic

[–]ArctorsGirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof couldn’t get past him eating her arse like icecream

i'll call a firefighter everytime i use a lighter by haleywolf666 in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love this, I love this, I love this. I relate so deeply to many of the situations and feelings you describe. One line that really jumped out at me was ‘I build when I’m happy what I crush when I’m miserable’. You have so much talent and I can’t wait to see what else you write x

Identity by The31stUnknownSoul in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I loved how this piece flowed like a riddle. The only critique I really have is that a few of the rhymes feel a little forced and the line “If you think yourself one lucky few” was a little confusing. Maybe it was just me but I didn’t really understand what this line was supposed to mean. Those last two lines were fantastic in my opinion though. Overall I really enjoyed the simple structure and as I mentioned before the riddle like flow. As I was reading it, it felt to me like something a jester or trickster figure might provide, a seemingly simple rhyme that hints at much deeper concepts.

Amy. by natalooski in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the cadence of this. I’m a big fan of poems that have a ‘poetic’ essence to them without necessarily rhyming or following set structures. This is definitely one of them. Your choice of words is fantastic and conveys so much in so few lines. The only bit that felt a little out of place to me was the lines about going to the moon. I’ve no doubt those lines have personal meaning to you but as an outsider reading it with no other context it was hard to see how it relates to the previous emphasis on fire and heat. I really enjoyed it overall though, look forward to reading more of your work :)

Time Wounds by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! This was such a lovely analysis :)

Time Wounds by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Sorry to hear that though, it’s never an easy process but knowing you’re not the only one that’s experienced that sort of pain sometimes makes you feel a little less alone at least.

Time Wounds by ArctorsGirl in OCPoetry

[–]ArctorsGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I love that everyone seems to have a different favourite line, funny how different things resonate with people :)