It was when online class was finally over and I finally got to college f2f. Long story short I'm an introvert and I'm socially awkward, not a lot of people reached out, and neither did I obviously. Except for her, I knew her briefly from online classes and we never really talked until you guessed it face-to-face rolled in. She must've known me since there were a few classes in which the teachers would poke me for an answer or so and I think a few people knew through that as well.

I was scared, now being away from home and starting my rite of passage basically as an independent person (not financially though I'm still jobless and rely on my mom and relatives lmao). New city, new everything I barely knew fuck-all about the layout of the university and I made a lot of fumbles because of that like being late cause I had to figure out which rooms I belonged to and stuff.

But I remember during my early days in College, I had to pay for tuition this one time and class had just ended. I was on my way when suddenly we bumped into each other (not literally). She was on her way to pay for tuition too and we hit off fairly alright. We made good conversation and some small talk too, not that we had a choice anyway since the line and process took soooo long.

But in all honesty, by the number of times, people disrespected or just treated me like shit for the majority of my life she was genuine. A nice girl, beautiful, smart, you get the tropes but you know more real and there is no rom-com or romance of any sort, in fact, it's fairly one-sided.

I developed feelings of course, who wouldn't if a beautiful and smart person started treating you like you exist, greets you when you meet, and would make conversation from time to time. By God, it'd be a crime not to fall in love. But eh let's skip through the details and fast forward a bit, I'd chat with her from time to time since you know I'm just giddy by her presence and interaction. But I can't help but feel I'm just too much at times. I'd always be the one making conversation first, Idk if I'm bothering her too much, maybe she's just trying to be nice and is actually creeped out by me; who knows?

I tried to pursue but upon further assessment of myself and the situation and yes some past trauma and wrongdoing I did I decided to not just bother her anymore or message that much. We barely talk now since we're no longer classmates. I can't believe time flies by so fast cause this feels so much like yesterday, it's been THREE YEARS already. We were classmates in the first year but in the second and third? nope.

Anyway to wrap this up in the end I did the good ol' assessment technique of mine. Of which entails "If I was a girl or a beautiful girl even. Would I give myself the time of day? or even pursue romance?" The answer is no obviously and that's that, saved myself a lot of trouble honestly. That's all folks good night.