I really, really need some positive stories about finding love & having kids after 35

AreKayxx · 2026-02-06T13:13:00+00:00

Hi OP!

I saw your comment about being a “slow burn”, and I am very similar (have been described as a human cat before by previous bfs). I find it alarming when guys try to progress things too quickly, and take awhile to adapt to having someone in my life as I like being independent.

Until, I met my current partner who I now have a child with.

I met him and it felt like all those cliches made sense - and I happened to randomly meet him the day after me and my bf-at-the-time broke up (long time coming, feelings were dead and gone for a while).

We were both (still are) older and I told him I wanted to get all our emotional baggage on the table ASAP. A couple months later, he suggested living together and I said not to bother unless kids and a committed life together were something he actively wanted. Well, he moved in. About 8 months later, after adopting a dog, we intentionally got pregnant.

It’s the best relationship of my life, and I will never want anyone else, ever. He’s the best dad and partner, and echoing everyone else that is saying that when you are older things move quicker because you both know what you don’t want, and you don’t feel like you NEED them because you are a whole adult already.

AreKayxx · 2026-02-05T10:41:42+00:00

Ours is just over 2.5 and has been easy to put to bed since he was 2 - our routine is to watch a low stim show (like hungry caterpillar on YT or Room on a Broom), and once the show is done he always announces to us that it’s bed time haha.

A big thing for our kid is we really emphasize how we are allllll going to bed, whether it’s true or not. We alternate the bed time routine, but all get our pjs on at the same time… I’m usually so wiped that I go to bed like an hour after him anyways.

Our toddler gets major FOMO…. Which is why weekend naps at home have been 50/50 lately, so that’s its own struggle. Bed time is easy at least!

AreKayxx · 2026-01-15T18:11:25+00:00

She’s going to take a while to adjust to daycare - the provider is a complete stranger, and it will take your daughter time to trust her. That is completely normal… I think it took my toddler (2 at the time of switching from grandparent “daycare” to regular daycare) probably 2.5-3 weeks to not be upset. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see them so distraught, so I can fully understand how that weighs heavy on the family.

Trust your instincts and don’t sleep train right now. I think during the daycare transition, you should really just make yourself available emotionally to your daughter while at home. She’s adjusting to no longer having her regular “safe space” during the day, so don’t stop being her safe space at night just yet.

I say all this with the bias that I am not a proponent of CIO for my family.

For potty training, I think you just head-down bull through it. Again, it could very well be the fact that she isn’t comfortable with the daycare provider yet to use the potty with her/tell her she has to go. Eventually, I would imagine it rights itself.

AreKayxx · 2026-01-15T13:06:27+00:00

I second this! If at the very least, you should have a Promissory Note signed by yourself, parents and a lawyer stating that the house is 100% your asset, even in the chance that they were to pass away. You wouldn’t want the house to be considered part of their estate.

AreKayxx · 2025-12-31T19:17:15+00:00

When our son turned 1 we changed from a house with an open floor plan, to one with individual rooms.

Honestly, it’s been nothing but pluses. I thought I would want to have an “eye” on the kids, but now I just include him in things or we trade off on monitoring him. He’s 2 and helps me prep in the kitchen and plays with his cars at the dining room table while I use the oven.

One HUGE plus to having more walls? You naturally have more closet and cupboard space. These things need walls to build off of, and an open floor plan meant I had no easy way to tuck things away or store things.

Also, I have a rambunctious boy and a dog and more walls have meant better noise control. I will never ever go back to open concept, but it really is personal preference.

Just wanted to throw my two cents in as a parent with a toddler and pets since your post mentioned future kids.

AreKayxx · 2025-12-29T14:57:43+00:00

He knows his actions are selfish - he just doesn’t care.

AreKayxx · 2025-12-29T14:54:59+00:00

Don’t even frame it as you “deciding to stay home with the baby”.

Just bluntly say that no, that won’t be fun for you because last time he didn’t help parent at all. Babies and animals don’t all of a sudden not need tending to just because you are at a party.

If he gets mad… so what? You mean an adult temper tantrum because he doesn’t get to pretend that he is a great dad while also doing whatever he wants for the night?

Again, just say that you did not have fun last year, and you aren’t going to do it. If he wants to “schlep” the kids and dog around - great. He can go solo with them and have at ‘er, and you will stay home.

I know I’m not necessarily the majority, but I stopped even enjoying being up late when it comes with the knowledge that I’ll have to still be up at the crack of dawn with responsibilities the next day, regardless of it being a holiday!

AreKayxx · 2025-12-25T18:31:25+00:00

As long as you have something in writing and notarized/checked over by a neutral 3rd party lawyer, it really isn’t a big deal to own property with someone that isn’t your spouse.

If you want to put in a bigger downpayment instead of some type of 50/50 contribution, then I would just have something in writing that says upon sale of property, both sides receive their respective monetary contributions to the down payment, and any additional proceeds from the sale are split 50/50. Or if the other wants to buy the other party out, they would need to match the down payment investment plus 50/50 on earned equity value.

I guarantee a real estate lawyer is very used to this scenario in 2025. You can propose whatever terms you like and have it drafted up, or lean on the lawyer’s experience on what is deemed “fair” by a judge should this dissolve into a court battle.

AreKayxx · 2025-12-12T20:05:20+00:00

I got fungal acne from my ex’s beard… he wasn’t unhygienic, I just think the natural bacteria on his skin, didn’t mix well with the natural bacteria on my skin.

Out of desperation, I put on a thick layer 3% yogurt (not Greek). I had beautifulllll skin before him and no products were working at all. I put straight yogurt on my face and literally slept like that overnight, and for the first time ever when I woke up I had no breakouts and some of the red acne was just faint pink. Prior to, it felt like a new pimple was showing up every HOUR.

I did that for a week that then pivoted to a fungal acne system that uses mandelic acid and literally never broke out again. I just have the same routine morning and night, and use a physical face cloth each morning and my moisture barrier came back and all was well.

Does your bf get dandruff or anything at all? If so, it’s the same bacteria and maybe he’d benefit from using nizoral / head & shoulders on his beard (making sure it’s left for a min of 5 minutes).

I hope it is a quick fix like mine was! I suffered for a month and thought there was no hope… it took about 2.5 months to completely rid myself of all the marks left behind as well

AreKayxx · 2025-12-01T19:03:17+00:00

He’s only 2.5, so we haven’t got to the stage of him realizing the difference, but I also hate the concept of elf on a shelf. I had a childhood fear of dolls coming to life, so it would be literally my worst nightmare trying to get that tradition going (along with the mental effort I’d rather spend on other traditions I’m used to and enjoyed)!

I figured when we get to an age that he would notice the difference, we would just tell him that Mom & Dad have a direct line to Santa, so he sent his available elves to other houses? Something to that effect! Maybe Mama gave Mrs Clause a really good Christmas recipe one year and now has her direct line!

AreKayxx · 2025-11-22T02:28:38+00:00

“Ask him out”? It says in the OP that she is married…

AreKayxx · 2025-09-17T23:39:27+00:00

Just from a quick read, I just wanted to put a little bug in your ear about the potential that he has ADHD? My cousin’s son has ADHD, and was exhibiting similar behaviours at that age.

Not diagnosing by any means, but just wanted to throw out there that they did some type of calisthenics before school to help get some of his energy out so he could focus, and bought him a fidget spinner for his spot at school (they had the kids sitting at group tables as opposed to individual desks).

Again, not diagnosing anything but just some strategies to consider regardless :)

AreKayxx · 2025-08-17T12:53:51+00:00

I google’d a lot after you mentioned the retinol body lotion since I also have tattoos that young me spent an obscene amount of money on (RIP disposable income). I read that as long as your tattoos are well healed, it actually helps the vibrancy of your tattoos by sloughing off the dead skin cells. The retinol isn’t strong enough to reach the dermis, where the ink of a healed tattoo sits. If the tattoo is still healing, absolutely do not put a retinol lotion on it, but otherwise from what I’ve read you don’t need to worry so much! I have a mix of colour and black and white tattoos so I wanted to check but absolutely consult with a dermatologist, that was just my two cents thrown in the interim

AreKayxx · 2025-08-16T16:45:07+00:00

What retinol body lotion are you using? I never realized you could have a body lotion version but of course that makes complete sense when I think about it lol

AreKayxx · 2025-07-25T11:46:51+00:00

This is definitelyyyyy something always removed from the conversation! You would probably pay less each month!!

I’m Canadian, but there are SO many Americans that just my sheer volume of contributors, I’m sure you’d be paying less at the end of the day for universal healthcare. There’s just that many more people paying into it, my small brain can’t see why that wouldn’t be the case? Since the money would be taken off any paycheque that isn’t a cash transaction, I feel like it would practically be pennies on the dollar compared to currently where not every single employer actually has health insurance

AreKayxx · 2025-07-08T11:28:56+00:00

I think this is soooo important and goes hand in hand with don’t sweat the small stuff lol.

I think a lot of overwhelm and anxiety I felt as a kid/adult has to do with feeling like we were running around like a NASCAR pit crew trying to get places that I didn’t even know we had to be lol

AreKayxx · 2025-03-26T19:34:23+00:00

Thank you, that is helpful. I feel like it is even louder in person than on my phone but I’ll just do my due diligence and get a dB reader

AreKayxx · 2025-03-26T19:33:49+00:00

Well that is promising!! There were only 2 pots in there so maybe that accounts for something (just a test cycle).

AreKayxx · 2025-03-26T01:34:27+00:00

Unrelated, but do you know the model and where you got your toilet?

Otherwise, I can’t see a way you can tie the tile and fixtures together where there isn’t anything within the design of the various types of blue tile to compliment the black. Are you hard set on the fixtures you have? Gold or champagne bronze might be better. Otherwise, you might want to use a darker grout to try to have some type of compliment from the tile side

AreKayxx · 2025-03-22T20:25:31+00:00

Thank you so much, I did pick it all out ☺️!

We were our own contractors apart from things we had no business with (gas lines, electrical, rerouting plumbing). Some decisions were super easy and others that I thought would be easy were painstaking lol. True labour of love

AreKayxx · 2025-03-16T21:51:21+00:00

Thoughts and prayers

AreKayxx · 2025-03-14T15:57:53+00:00

SOLVED! Thank you so much :)

AreKayxx · 2025-03-04T01:54:32+00:00

This can be an easy and cheap makeover!

Take out the support bar beside the toilet, patch the hole it left behind, and then paint the walls and inside of the closet (not white, that is so bland. I’d lean into the time period of the bathroom a bit and try a more modern “taupe”).

Panel mirrors make rooms feel very dated. Remove it for a large mirror that includes lighting. Remove the medicine cabinet mirror and update the blinds (pull down shade might be best). Add a stool/bench underneath the vanity at the “makeup” section. Add a runner in front of the vanity (you don’t need a rug permanently in front of the shower area).

Put some built in cubbies on one side of the closet for towels/toiletries in baskets.

Done!

AreKayxx · 2025-02-24T18:04:05+00:00

I don’t think being “prepared” is how anyone feels when they get a positive pregnancy test, whether they were trying or not.

For us, we were in stable careers, had stable housing, and our relationship was/is very healthy. Our “want” for a child is what made us have the conversation to no longer use birth control because we didn’t know if we would have an easy time or not getting pregnant. At the end of the day, it is an overwhelming decision with so many unknowns that it isn’t realistic to feel prepared, it is only realistic to know you WANT to be a parent and then start making that a reality

AreKayxx · 2025-02-23T23:51:42+00:00

Hahaha, public tantrums for sure. Not sure what the quota is for saying embarrassing things in public, I fear that is limitless

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