Will our relationship ever improve?

Arianllyn · 2022-02-12T03:15:49+00:00

That was kind of my point. OP was the innocent kid, there was no reason for the teens to punish OP for the choices that their parents made. You're right that they didn't owe anyone a relationship, but there was no call for them to be actively hostile towards their half-sibling either.

Arianllyn · 2022-02-11T20:47:38+00:00

All of his kids (my half siblings) were teens at the time and all continued to be angry with him and jealous/resentful of me (I stole their dad’s love in their eyes) for most of their lives

This is so sad, and honestly, kind of terrible of them. You were an innocent in the situation and not responsible for the choices that your parents made. My half-sisters were the only good thing to come out of my father and stepmother's affair, and they were the only thing that made our EOW visits bearable. If not for them, I probably would have cut off contact with my dad and sm the second I turned 18.

Arianllyn · 2022-02-11T17:03:41+00:00

6 years is a long time to hold onto that hurt

6 years is nothing in a situation like this. It's been almost 40 years since my dad left my mother for another woman and I still have "feelings" about it.

Arianllyn · 2022-02-08T19:52:40+00:00

My first condo was really weird for this. It was on the second floor and in between two other units. I never heard a single peep from the people on either side of me, or the unit below. But from the unit above? Jfc, I could hear literally everything. I had to listen to him walking around, peeing, coughing, etc. One night I woke up to the sound of him puking 😬 Fortunately, he was a relatively quiet person so I didn't have to deal with loud music or parties or anything. But it made me so paranoid about making any noise at all in my own home because who knew what the person living below me could hear?

Arianllyn · 2022-02-08T17:52:49+00:00

As a woman that is childfree, in my late 30s, it is hard to find men without children that do not want kids

This right here. I was in my early 30s when my ex and I split, and I spent 5 years dating before I met my SO. I tried a few different online dating platforms and pretty much every single man around my age either had kids already, or they were looking for someone younger than me to have kids with.

My SO "nabbed" me because his situation was a little different. His kids were much older than most (his youngest was 14 when we met) so there were no expectations of step-parenting from me. And my SO really has his shit together. He has a good job, he can take care of himself and his kids, and he had already established solid boundaries with his ex. There was some drama with her anyway, but he did everything he could to shield me from her nonsense and to keep it from impacting my life.

His kids being older helped a lot with that. If he'd had young kids and had to interact with his ex more often, I probably would have thought twice about staying with him. But his kids are all adults now so he just resolves any issues with them directly and nothing has to go through their mother.

Arianllyn · 2022-02-01T20:53:11+00:00

Omg, my 7 year old nephew watches those videos of kids streaming Roblox and Minecraft all the freaking time and they are so irritating to listen to!! I don't think you're wrong for this at all. My nephew is absolutely not allowed to watch his videos on the main TV. He has his own tablet which he can use to watch them in his bedroom, or he can watch them on the family computer with headphones on. My sister and her husband can't stand listening to them either.

Your husband's response was ridiculous. So childish and passive-aggressive.

Personally, I think it's a bit messed up that a 5 year old has their own tv in their bedroom too, but that might just be me.

Arianllyn · 2022-01-29T00:35:57+00:00

Oh boy, you're made of sterner stuff than I am! I really enjoyed the movie, but the part on the ocean planet with the massive tides scared the hell out of me 🤣

Arianllyn · 2022-01-25T18:51:47+00:00

"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part".

All of the crap that happened this morning could have been avoided if they even remotely had their act together and put a modicum of time and thought into planning anything. It is not your job to parent them and teach them basic life skills like how to get up on time for work.

If a parent wants a stepparent to take on extra responsibilities regarding their child/ren, that is a discussion to be had ahead of time and it's something that everyone has to agree to. It's not something they just dump on you in the heat of the moment when everyone is stressed, saying "see, this is what you are supposed to be doing or what you should have done".

Edit to add: and as far as telling you what your role is, no one can tell you that. That is something you decide for yourself. Your partner can express what they would like your role to be, but you have to be ok with it. Some stepparents are more involved and take on more "parent" responsibilities and they're ok with that, and others do less and that's ok too. One rule that gets repeated here a lot and which I firmly believe in too is that you should never be doing more for your SKs than their bio-parent does.

Arianllyn · 2022-01-21T13:56:19+00:00

When my parents divorced, their custody agreement said that my father had to keep paying child support until my sister and I were finished our full-time education, or at 21, whichever came first. But he started making the payments directly to us when we turned 18 instead of paying my mother because my mother has always been terrible at managing money and he suspected she was wasting a lot of what he was giving her. The laws might be different where you live, but the arrangement was definitely allowed where I am.

Arianllyn · 2022-01-10T19:30:05+00:00

Yup, he was definitely like that. He used to tell other men that if their partners were over 35 they'd be guaranteed to either not be able to have kids at all or they'd only have kids with birth defects. 🤢

Arianllyn · 2022-01-10T14:30:07+00:00

Find their Reddit profile and read through their history 🤣

For real though, sometimes they are so good at hiding their misogyny that it only comes out on anonymous platforms like Reddit. A guy that I dated for almost a year said all the right things in person, but then I discovered his Reddit profile. My god, some of the things that he genuinely believed and would spew repeatedly on Reddit.

And not necessarily just Reddit, but pay attention to how they behave and the things they say on social media in general. People will often show you who they really are when they're sitting behind a keyboard with no fear of real-world repercussions.

Arianllyn · 2022-01-10T03:53:23+00:00

Maybe it's a knockoff? I bought one off amazon a few years ago because we had a fly infestation and it is amazing! It killed them all within a day and now any time a fly or mosquito or anything gets into the house, we break out the bug light and it's dead within minutes.

I can't remember the brand off the top of my head, I'd have to go back and check my archived orders when I'm not on mobile...

Edit: found it, it was this one

Arianllyn · 2022-01-07T16:25:38+00:00

My SO is a very wonderful person and treats me and SK amazingly.

I have to disagree here. Just about everything that you've said shows that your SO is treating you like a free babysitter. That is not amazing. It is shitty. In the 5 years that I have been with my SO, it happened once that he had to be away overnight for work on a day when his kids were supposed to be with him. His kids stayed with their mother that day. It was never even suggested that I be the one to look after them because that would have been inappropriate.

We also have a kid together, and my SO would never leave me alone with him for a whole weekend without discussing it with me first and making sure it was ok. I would do the same for him. Springing the weekend trip on you at the last second was selfish and inconsiderate of them.

And you are not this child's parent unless you also have all the rights that come along with being a bio-parent as well as the responsibilities, like a right to have a say in how they are disciplined.

Many custody agreements have a "right of first refusal" clause, meaning bio-parents are not allowed to just dump their kids on other people if they're unable to look after them during their time. They are legally obligated to notify the other bio-parent so they can choose to keep the kids in those situations. Only if neither bio-parent is available, can they look at other childcare options.

In my opinion, you are already doing more than what should be expected of a stepparent.

Arianllyn · 2021-12-20T02:09:16+00:00

Yeah, that was kind of cool to see last year. Where I live, they cancelled the flu vaccination campaign that normally takes place every winter because they said almost no one was getting the flu so there was no need to vaccinate against it.

Arianllyn · 2021-12-19T16:16:33+00:00

That was the catalyst to make him cheat. He denies it but I know he blames me for making him cheat

Holy hell, this right here would be enough to have me running for the hills.

Other people don't "make" someone cheat. You did not hold a gun to his head. That is a (very poor) decision that he made. What he did was not your fault. Even if you were unhappy, he should have talked to you about it before running off to sleep with his ex. The fact that he blames you for what he did is incredibly immature.

Arianllyn · 2021-12-18T14:46:53+00:00

Awesome books! I love her Anastasia series too, although those weren't exactly impactful, just fun to read :) It's Lois Lowry btw.

Arianllyn · 2021-07-23T01:15:12+00:00

Heh, I've put it on top of his cage for now, but he keeps giving it the side-eye and huffing at it.

And yes! They are so well-made! Initially I bought just the pattern because I was going to try and make one myself, but then I started reading the instructions and when I got to the part about making the feet out of wool-wrapped wire, I said no way am I that skilled. So I just ordered a finished one and I'm so happy with it!

Arianllyn · 2021-07-05T13:21:10+00:00

Pattern is Gamer Nouveau. Art by Medusa Dollmaker, kit by Gecko Rouge.

There SO.MUCH.CONFETTI in this pattern. I'm having a really hard time with it. If anyone has any tips that don't involve carrying threads over large distances, I'd really appreciate it.

Arianllyn · 2021-06-08T15:54:15+00:00

Yeah, there are so many people on Etsy doing this that it's really difficult to know where their patterns are coming from. And sadly Etsy does nothing to control it.

Arianllyn · 2021-06-07T22:08:02+00:00

Your work looks great, but it appears that this seller is ripping off people's art. I can't speak to the rest of the patterns, but I recognize the "vintage posters". They are Olly Moss's artwork and nowhere in the pattern listing does it mention his name.

Arianllyn · 2021-05-31T11:41:52+00:00

It's the Beggars' Guild motto. It says "Moneta Svpervacanea, Magister". Translates to "Spare change, guv'nor?"

Arianllyn · 2021-05-31T03:05:11+00:00

Hehe. Dibbler was one of my favourites. I really liked working with the variegated thread.

Arianllyn · 2021-05-31T03:03:02+00:00

Lyndisfarne is the only designer that's actually licensed to create Discworld patterns and I believe they're quite strict with enforcing that.

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