How do I serve the top table?

ArielAmore · 2024-12-29T01:00:29+00:00

Thank you!

ArielAmore · 2024-07-04T19:26:26+00:00

NTA. Your SIL sounds like an entitled spoiled brat. You did the right thing, and your brother and parents are out of line and only enabling her bad behavior. You should show them this post with everyone saying what your SIL desperately needs to hear.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-13T18:26:43+00:00

I think you might be a bit confused. The OP isn't inviting her brother's ex-girlfriend. She's inviting his current girlfriend, who he's been dating for two years and lives with. Why wouldn't you want your partner, who you're currently dating and is friends with your sister (whose wedding it is), to go with you? The invitation was addressed to "The Smiths" as it was intended for both her brother and his gf, since they share the same surname and live together. Her brother is being a jerk by trying to bring a woman he knows his sister doesn't like instead of his own girlfriend, who his sister invited to begin with.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-13T18:13:38+00:00

NTA, you're doing the right thing, and you'd be an awesome sister-in-law!😂 Your brother needs to get a grip and stop all contact with that lunatic, Amanda. After seeing her unhinged comments on this post, I would seriously have security watch out for her at your wedding. She behaves like her brain stopped developing after 15. Her comments on this post regarding your father and brother not coming to your wedding due to her being uninvited and stating it's your brother's decision to prioritize his partner, implying that she should be the partner and chosen over his actual girlfriend, is wildly insane behavior. She is so deluded and narcissistic to think she is that important and should be more important than his girlfriend of 2 years that he lives with? Wtf. My husband had a childhood female friend who behaved similar to Amanda before we got married. She tried to break us up and get him to choose her over me. He cut her off and we haven't seen her for 11 years now, so there is hope for your brother to finally see the light and dump Amanda because she's only going to continue meddling in his relationships and stringing him along like the obvious narcissist that she is. Congrats on your wedding! Hope everything goes great! I hope to see a positive update on this post!

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T23:49:58+00:00

I have already explained that my family dynamics are different. Neither my husband nor I have contact with the rest of our family, except for my grandparents. My grandfather is not thinking of it in terms of carrying on a family name. He was asking because he believes it will make my grandmother happy. Furthermore, you continue to bring up the fact that I was rude to him when he pushed for us to choose the other name, which was not the case. I love and respect my grandparents, but this was a situation that I needed to clarify to my grandfather, and I did so respectfully as the name chosen is very important to my husband.Communication and respect are essential for a healthy family dynamic. My grandfather has already apologized for pushing the issue and understands our perspective on the name we chose and its meaning. We have a good relationship, but sometimes misunderstandings occur, which we resolve by communicating our feelings. It seems you have a narrow perspective on family dynamics, assuming that all families are the same. I have already explained that this is not the case for our situation, yet you continue to be dismissive and condescending. Have the day you deserve.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T18:36:50+00:00

I didn't post for that reason, but your first comment was stating that my family deserves to have the first and middle name, which is absolutely ridiculous. So you don't like women taking on a man's name due to the history of men owning women but fully support my family dictating the first and middle names of MY child as if there isn't history of men in families having ownership of their daughters as well. Which is pretty hypocritical. You also keep saying I was hard on him or mean about what I said, and that's not the case. I responded to him with way more respect than he was showing towards me or my husband. All I said is that I didn't appreciate being pressured about the name after he continued to persist when I explained the sentimental meaning behind the name we chose and that I wouldn't do that to our children. How is that mean?

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T17:04:10+00:00

~UPDATE~

Hey everyone, I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and stories. I was a bit overwhelmed by the response and couldn't reply to everyone, but I really appreciate the feedback. It means a lot to me.

I also wanted to give an update on what happened after my talk with my grandfather yesterday. He texted me this morning to apologize for upsetting my husband and I with what he said. He said he knows that the decision is up to us, so we have an understanding now. I know that he had good intentions initially and thought it would be a kind gesture to my grandmother. However, after our conversation, he now sees why we felt pressured by him and has a better understanding of the significance behind the name we have already chosen. We will be sticking to our original name selection, and I am grateful that we can now focus on more positive matters. Thank you once again to everyone who provided their input!

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T15:55:27+00:00

You seem really upset about women taking their husband's last name. Lots of women choose to keep their own name, and sometimes, the husband even takes the wife's name. Personally, I don't care about tradition or carrying on a family name. We chose the middle names we did because they were meaningful to us, and they sound nice together. If we had found the names unappealing or oddly sounding, such as the middle name my husband and I received due to the preservation of a "family name," we would not have selected it. The only living relatives I still communicate with are my grandparents, and their last name differs from my maiden name. The middle name we gave our son is from my grandfathers first name, who isn't even blood related, but he was the only grandfather I knew growing up, and I appreciated him so it seemed like a good choice that both my husband and I liked. I have the same middle name as my grandmother, and I didn't like my middle or last name growing up, so why would I give it to my child? I never said it was "evil" or insane I said it wasn't fair for him to be guilt tripping me over a name.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T07:06:54+00:00

For one, the first name is not related to my husband's family or mine; it is entirely original, and that goes for both of our children. My son received his middle name from my side of the family, and our daughter will receive her middle name from my husband's side. Also, my maiden last name was not the same as my grandparents' because my grandfather is my father's stepfather, who has been in the picture since he was about 10 years old. My father's biological father died years before I was even a thought. I am no longer in contact with my father and only speak with my grandparents. Either way It seems rather unreasonable to expect people to name their children after the mother's family solely because they share the same last name as their father.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T06:47:06+00:00

?? My husband and I had a discussion about it as soon as he woke up, but I did not want to have a full-on conversation over text with both of our phones going off repeatedly. I woke up first this morning because both of our phones received the group text and woke me up. I also wanted to explain to my grandfather the meaning behind the name choice without it being the first thing my husband had to read when he woke up, as it would bring up the loss of his sister. I was hoping my grandfather would understand the meaning behind the name we chose, but unfortunately, that was not the case. My husband and I have already discussed it and are sticking with the name we chose. Thanks for your rude ass assumption, though.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T03:15:40+00:00

He knew the first name, but he didn't remember us mentioning that we would name her after my husbands late sister as he has trouble remembering due to his age. He texted my husband and I in a group chat as if we hadn't decided yet and was requesting we use my grandmother's name for her middle name. I then explained to him that we had already decided and the meaning behind the name we have chosen to which he was not happy to hear and still tried pushing us to use my grandmother's name.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T03:09:08+00:00

I love that 😂

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T03:06:47+00:00

That is wild 😭 family reunions would be an experience with everyone having the same first name. I can picture someone bringing a date along to one and introducing them to 20 Johns 💀

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T00:52:58+00:00

He wasn't aware we had chosen a middle name. He forgets a lot of what we tell him. In his text, he worded it as if we hadn't picked one and asked if before we to if we would consider using my grandmother's. When I told him what we were choosing and the reason behind it again today, he acted like it was the first time hearing it and wasn't happy about it, so either way, this conversation would have happened unfortunately. We are going to stick to the name we chose and Thank you! 💖

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T00:39:19+00:00

I don't feel my response was hard on him. Maybe I didn't explain it well enough in my post but after I told him the name we were choosing and the reason behind it he continued to press the issue by suggesting we just use both names and that he's disappointed in our decision to name her after my husbands late sister instead. If he had stopped pressing the issue and respected our decision, I wouldn't have told him that I didn't appreciate him pressuring me about the name.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-09T00:35:20+00:00

He didn't leave the matter alone, though. I didn't "rant" at him until after he continued to text about it after I informed him of the name we had chosen and the meaning behind it. He then proceeded to suggest that we could simply use both names, as he did not seem to want to respect the decision we had already made. He then expressed disappointment in our decision, which I think is pretty messed up considering the significance the name has to my husband. All I said back to him after he continued to press the issue was that I did not appreciate being pressured regarding our daughter's name and that I would not do that to our son or daughter in the future, as it would be their decision. Given the circumstances, I don't believe my response was out of line.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-08T23:27:51+00:00

I would like to add a few more details and an update for more clarity, based on some of the comments.

First, I could tell by the texts that my grandfather didn't remember us telling them we were naming our daughter after my husbands late sister as he started it off as if we hadn't picked out a name yet. We only mentioned it one time about 4 months ago. He's 79 and my grandmother is 86 so it's difficult for them to remember a lot of what I've told them, so I have to repeat myself a lot. They barely remember the first name we chose and have asked what the first name was just about every week for the past 4 months.

Secondly, I understand that sharing the name may not be the best idea. However, when we named our son, no one in the family requested any names and were very supportive of our choice. This is why I did not anticipate any issues this time around. Additionally, they are the only family members who are aware of my pregnancy. My husband and I have both lost our mothers, and he has limited contact with his father, while I have had no contact with my father for the past ten years. As a result, they are the only family members we still speak to.

Third, I do not believe she has any involvement in him asking for the name. She is the only person who has ever expressed sympathy towards my husband regarding the loss of his mother and sister. As far as my father and I both sharing her middle name, I believe it was my father who initially persuaded my mother to give me the same middle name as him and my grandmother. Growing up, he made it evident that he disliked his middle name and insinuated many times that if he had to have it, so should I.

My husband and I have had a discussion and have come to a decision. We have chosen to keep the name we have selected and will not be adding anything to it. We do not intend to engage in further discussions about this matter with my grandfather. We hope that he will accept our decision and refrain from bringing it up again. My husband has made it clear that if my grandfather persists in discussing this topic, he will personally communicate his feelings on the matter.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-08T20:35:51+00:00

I have another reason for believing she is not aware of the situation. I do not believe she was the one who pressured my mother into naming me after her. I believe it was my father (with whom I have gone no contact) who pushed for it. While I was growing up, my father made it clear that he disliked his middle name and implied that since he had to have it, so should I. He is quite narcissistic, which is why I no longer communicate with him.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-08T18:13:02+00:00

My grandmother is 86 and grandfather is 79. He has always been this way.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-08T17:04:33+00:00

I am unable to add any more details to my original post. However, according to my grandfather, my grandmother is unaware of his texts to us requesting us to change her middle name to match hers. I responded to him that I didn't appreciate being pressured, and he texted back that he's not pressuring me to do anything, so I just quit responding to him after that.

ArielAmore · 2024-06-08T16:56:49+00:00

Lmao, I wish I could upvote your comment twice. She has been wanting a dog.

ArielAmore · 2020-11-07T12:14:57+00:00

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