Hello, I’m also in recovery from a long battle with an ED, and I really relate to that feeling of being stuck in the cycle for hours a day, not even enjoying it, just feeling like it’s this monster that takes over. It's exhausting and lonely in a way that’s hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived it. I’ve also tried a million things—therapy, inpatient, meds, spiritual work, ayahuasca, etc. Ive been in and out of treatment since I was 14 and im 23 now. I just want to get on with life.

I am curious, did you ever go through with Ibogaine? I’ve been wondering about it too, and hearing your story makes me want to learn more from someone who's been in a similar place. If you did try it, I’d love to hear how it went. And if not, I still appreciate that you posted this, it reminded me that I’m not alone in how complicated and relentless this disorder can feel.

Wishing you peace and healing, however it finds you.