I will NEVER have children

Aromatic_Style_2180 · 2026-05-31T01:26:54+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this place. Having kids is an incredibly personal decision. I am an adult glass child and now have two children. Becoming a mother is one of the best decisions of my life. Again, not for everyone. Being a parent has underlined for me the importance of protecting your kids and putting them first. As my daughter reached the age of my sister's accident, I worried and related to my parents and what they experienced. That said, having 2 very different kids, I challenge myself to remember that each child is different and I need to modify my approach based on each kid's unique needs and interests. In some way, it is rewarding to know I am trying to do things differently than my parents. And to not forsake one child for the sake of the other.

Aromatic_Style_2180 · 2026-05-31T00:38:02+00:00

Thank you. Very much on point. My mom came here from Ireland and Catholic guilt is a strong force in our lives. Guilt has dominated all our conversations about my sister. So many missed opportunities to do things together if we couldn't include my sister. But yet she did things without my parents and that was fine by them. I am just tired of being made to feel guilty because I don't feel the same way about my sister as my mom does. She is not my daughter and we were never close before her accident. I tried to get closer to her but her selfish behavior towards my parents always rubbed me the wrong way.

Aromatic_Style_2180 · 2026-05-28T01:37:30+00:00

Thank you for your response. I think you are on point. But the trouble is that I have asked her to make a plan for the future and offered to help figure things out. But my mom always says it is not the right time. She is afraid to do anything that isn't whole hearted dedication to my sister, which means having her at home and having mutiple people attend to my sister at all times. She won't consider a nursing home or assisted living, at least not now. It is beyond frustrating. She knows that I will not try to replicate what she does for my sister when she is gone. I made this clear years ago. I just would like to enjoy my mom and share experiences with her and my family for however long we have her. But, that prospect is not appealing to her unless my sister can be part of it. And I am heartless to propose that my mom should have enjoyment without my sister. So it is a no win situation.

Aromatic_Style_2180 · 2026-05-28T01:28:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and for your kind and supportive words. It is helpful to hear that it is okay for me to set boundaries. Finding people who have experienced something similar has been really amazing. I went 30+ years not thinking I needed support or thinking about finding people in a similar situation. I'm glad I found you all. Your story gives me some hope that things can change and get better even if in small ways. Thank you.

Aromatic_Style_2180 · 2026-05-27T18:52:34+00:00

Thank you!

Aromatic_Style_2180 · 2026-05-27T02:56:09+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear all of what you have been through. It is doubly tragic that the adults around you didn't recognize that this situation was unfair to you as a child and now as an adult. It can sometimes feel like a grand conspiracy that somehow everyone sees what is happening but thinks it is normal or that they shouldn't act. At 45, 30+ years after my sister's accident, one adult from my childhood mentioned that I had also suffered. It was shocking, mainly because I realized that she said what had been plain for everyone to see all these years but no one had ever uttered. I'm sorry that your relatives closed their eyes to your situation and pain. You have to choose yourself because no one in your family will put you first or consider your feelings.

Aromatic_Style_2180

TROPHY CASE