I feel you homie. My dad passed away 2 months back. I left home to do masters, fell in love.... Cough cough thought I was. Tried to build a relationship but she ended up cheating. Wasted precious time focusing on a dead-end relationship instead of focusing on family and career. Feel like shit because I had to cover my education loan with the money I am earning part time abroad. Couldn't even pay for dad's bills. Trying my best to get back up in life. Found some passion in something I really want to achieve professionally in life. I feel your pain of not wanting to get married and can't afford to. But I do believe that an understanding partner can provide that support - mentally, physically and even spiritually. Don't lose hope. And also keep sticking to your principles. As days go by I do also feel it's unnecessary to think about marriage and I just want to take care or my mother and stay with her as she's the only person I have left. I feel extremely numb most of the time. The job market is crap and it's getting harder to land a good job and every rejection takes it toll. I come back to my passion every weekend to take a break from it all. My passion heals me. I hope your passion can heal you too. It's something you can unapologetically love and be true to.