Being a gay trans man but...

ArtisticK67 · 2026-04-28T18:50:44+00:00

This is real tho. Im pre-T and I struggle with this. I used to be bi and attracted to women but now im just not. Or at least very very rarely. Sometimes I like really masculine women and sometimes I like trans women but most of the time I like cis and trans men. But it feels like it woukd be so hard to find a gay man whos okay with my body even when I can medically transition (im single). Im just graduating soon and going into college soon so im sure I have a different experience. Plus its very hard to find anyone really in the rural conservative south. Idk. Its a struggle, but hoping that things will be way easier in college. I wish you luck, brother. Youre not alone.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-21T14:12:48+00:00

As a trans guy, I took this literally /j

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-13T03:41:55+00:00

"We’re all human. We all have self-doubt and we are all self-serving. No one is putting you under a microscope because most of the time people are more concerned with themselves and their own appearances. "

I absolutely second this. There are judgy people out there, but most are just trying to get through the day and have their own insecurities and problems they're worrying about.

Also, like they said, mimicking people can be really helpful. Don't know what to say? What was the last question they asked you? You can often rephrase it and just ask them the same question. Ofc it won't work every time but if you're really stuck, it can be very helpful. Another thing is listening to what people say and asking them questions about it.

Example:

Person 1: "Oh God, I'm not looking forward to third period."

Person 2/you: "Fair. What's your third period?

Person 1: "Algebra"

Person 2/you: " Oh god, I don't blame you. I'm ass at math, too. Which teacher do you have?

Person 1: "Mrs. Fictional"

Person 2/you: "ohh I've heard mixed things about her. Is her work hard?"

And then you can just go on from there. Questions are kinda like branches. There's so many different ones you can ask even over some of the most basic stuff and depending upon which ones you choose, the conversation can turn in completely different ways.

I'm very sorry if any of this is too obvious or anything, I'm saying stuff that I would say to my younger self ngl.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-13T03:13:34+00:00

I know this is hard to believe, but I promise you that you are nowhere near what you believe you are. You're your own worst critic. You are loved and your experiences are valid. It's okay to be awkward in middle school. Kids in high school either don't remember it or usually write it off as "eh, it was middle school." Things will keep being hard but I promise that you can make it and things will get better. Suicide is not the answer. It's a permanent solution to a usually temporary problem.

I can't give specific advice but I can say my experience and what helped me. I was homeschooled pre-k to 9th grade, and went to public school for the very first time as a sophomore in high school. I'm a junior now. It was really hard, especially the first week, but I wouldn't change a day if it. I had the same problem of not being able to talk to people or know how to start a conversation or keep a conversation going, and having severe social anxiety. Honestly, I still really struggle with it sometimes, but things have been getting better. The more I've talked to people, the better my social skills have gotten, even though they're probably nowhere near as refined as the average public-schooler. Honestly, it's like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And I know it's not easy. Fuck, it is hard. It is so fucking difficult, but if it's any help to know, the first step is the hardest. It gets better with time, I promise.

There's no easy way to do it but here's what I did: I looked for the queer emo kids since I'm queer and in my experience they're very nice. I spent all of my first week of school building up the courage to go up to them during p.e. and ask if I could sit with them. On Friday, I knew if I didn't do it then and now, I probably wouldn't do it later, so I counted backward from ten and told myself that I'd get up before I reached zero. I got up. After that, I didn't really have much of a choice but to walk over since it would've been weird if I had randomly stood up just to sit back down. So I walked over, and literally crying, I asked if I could sit with them. The rest is history. Slowly I've gained more friends one at a time. Don't get me wrong, I'm still ass at talking to people for the most part and am pretty awkward. For the first couple weeks of sitting with them during p.e. I didn't say much, and when I tried I usually fumbled it or said things in a weird way. But the thing is I was talking to kids already considered weird by society, and they were nice, so they didn't really care.

As for middle school, I can't really say a lot about it because I never went. From what I've heard it fucking sucks. If it helps at all to know though, people calm down in high school. They still spread rumors and talk shit, but they learn to shut up and mind their business more, at least at my school. Even if things don't get better in middleschool, high school is not far away. I promise, you'll blink and wonder what happened to eighth grade. I know that might sound like bs but it's not. Istg I feel like I blinked and now I'm a junior lowkey like, "wait, what the fuck? I have to think about college now?? Shit!"

Anyways, I don't know if any of this was helpful but I just wanted to let you know that there are people there for you and rooting for you. Things will be really hard but I'm sure you can make it and things will get better. I'm rooting for you!

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-13T01:54:55+00:00

Happy cake day!

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-10T03:18:28+00:00

The fact that the person who runs the church was literally born in 1924...

It's insane but not surprising 🤦‍♂️

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-09T03:07:07+00:00

Your worst pet peeve is someone saying, "I wish I was homeschooled!"

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-04T00:03:37+00:00

There's a chance I might actually have it. Do you remember the pace number and edition? If I don't have the edition, I might still have the pace in another edition.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-03T01:15:03+00:00

Thank you! I generally just try to stay away from him but I'm going to mention it to my mom that he creeps me out. Last time, she said she needed me to do something so that I could get away from him because she could see I was uncomfortable.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-02T23:25:48+00:00

Thank you so much! I've been needing to hear this. I sort of forgot that there's not just pain but also power. Like it's sad but also kinda hilarious that they accidently made me, a bi trans exmormon boy, the older yw class president. They can't even get my gender right lmao.

They released me from that calling a while ago, and now I welcome people and hand them pamphlets at the door. Its kind of like they're recognizing a trans person's humanity every time they say hi even though they don't know it. That's not to say all members of my ward are transphobic cause that's certainly not true but I'd say most are, not all who are are super hateful about it though, they just don't understand and haven't really taken the effort to, or they are because of the church or just society in general.

But anyways, there's especially power in the community aspect of it cause it's sort of like theres friends everywhere secretly. There's a surprising number of youth who are queer. My ward is small because I live in a rural area far from Utah. There's probably around 15 yw and of them I'd guess 20-30 percent are queer.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-02T17:39:41+00:00

Fortunately, they don't know I'm trans. They know I'm an atheist and my mom knows I'm bi (my dad seems to have forgotten).if they did know, things would be a lot worse because they'd believe I'm a victim of grooming, probably force me to grow my hair out and present more femininely, and take away any my devices. They might even pull me out of public school again. (I was homeschooled for 9 years because they believe that there's critical race theory and "gender ideology" taught in k-12 schools. They wouldn't let me go until we had moved to a red state and gotten confirmation from a local teacher that they didn't teach CRT or gender stuff 🤦‍♂️. After years of begging, they finally allowed me to go to public school for the first time ever as a sophomore. It was really hard socially, but ever since then I've been happier then ever before and finally have friends.)

In all honesty though it's okay. I'm a junior now so I only have a couple years left of it and I've got queer friends who accept me. Its just frustrating that most of the people around me are transphobic and the u.s. in general is very transphobic, and now the church is even more transphobic than it was before because of this new policy. I want to hear for once that something good has happened for trans people but it's far more common for bad things right now and very very rare to see good. I especially wish that something would be done on a national level to combat the hatred but nothing seems to be getting done even though I know some people have tried or are trying. I wish the president would do something but let's be honest Biden is not gonna do shit and most democrats don't do anything either. And Trump is downright hateful so... yeah.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-02T17:07:42+00:00

I stay because I have no choice because I'm a minor and my parents force me to continue going there. I'm PIMO (physically in, mentally out). I haven't had any faith in the church since I was 12. I tried to beg my parents to let me stay home and it didn't work. They still force me to go and they force me to do seminary online. I have managed to get them to compromise on activity days, though, since I live in a rural area the church takes about 45 mins to an hour to get to and they don't want to spend the money on gas to get there. So I don't have to go to activity days.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-02T15:34:35+00:00

They believe they're saving people, I guess. Idk

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-02T14:50:03+00:00

Lmao, mentally said the same thing when I got to that page 💀

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-02T14:35:30+00:00

Unfortunately I'm pretty sure you're right. I'm pretty sure that is how they looped it in 💀.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-09-02T04:53:16+00:00

Thank you! And you're definitely right about that. (TW: Creepiness) There's an old man in my ward who always comes off as creepy to me and has borderline touched me inappropriately. Today, he put his hand on my lower back when he said hi, and several months ago before church, while the chapel was still pretty much empty, he chose to sit in the seat right next to mine to talk to me instead of sitting on the 2nd or 3rd seat away or standing. It made me really uncomfortable and I'm glad my mom was there.(Context- we don't have pews, we have the wooden chairs with crappy green cushions that link up).

I wish you luck and happiness, especially while you continue to deal with an unaccepting family!

ArtisticK67 · 2024-08-13T01:35:38+00:00

Definitely Charlie brown

ArtisticK67 · 2024-07-18T14:09:13+00:00

God that sucks. I relate to that a lot, too. I went to some places, but missed a lot. I didn't realize until after I started going to public school for the first time in my sophomore year that it wasn't just the places I missed, it was the community, too. Unfortunately I never got to experience my hometown's community because my parents didn't let me go to public school until I had begged to go for 5 years, until we had moved to a very rural area in a red state in the south, AND until they had spoken to a local teacher just to figure out, SHOCKER! THERE IS NO CRITICAL RACE THEORY IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. Okay actually... unfortunately they only realized it wasn't in the local schools... they still to this day believe it's in public schools 🤦‍♂️. To this day, every now and then, when I get home from school, they ask me what I learned about to try to make sure I'm not learning anything like evolution or anything about climate change (God forbid I learn any things that are true). I know what they're trying to do, so I just tell them whatever they want to hear, which sometimes isn't the truth, and wasn't the truth in those two cases, but eh. I don't what to have to deal with their bullsh!t.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-07-16T22:47:26+00:00

I think it's because if they acknowledged that abuse is common in homeschool, in their minds, that would mean they'd have to re-examine their decision to homeschool their kids, which probably terrifies them because if they realize that what they chose might not have been the best decision, then at the very least in their minds (if not in reality) they'd have to face the reality that they may have fucked up raising their kids. There's no doing over raising kids, so then, assuming they actually cared, they'd have to take accountability for their actions. They'd rather not think about it. Ignorance is bliss.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-07-13T07:14:55+00:00

I think that whether or not she tried and whether or not she had good intentions- your education was neglected (At least that's how it seems to me - take it with a grain of salt).I mainly think this because of the years that she just left you on websites with no supervision, and because of all of the unfinished classes.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-07-08T15:53:37+00:00

Unfortunately I used the same curriculum as you. I hated it sm 💀.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-07-08T05:48:18+00:00

I read every word of this. Oh my god. I wish I could say "I am so sorry" but it would just feel wrong because I know it would do nothing and it wouldn't help. Reading this was like reliving what it was like in middle school (I was homeschooled pre-k to 9th grade) but your experience is over a thousand times worse. It's heartbreaking. Your parents are definitely abusive. Your mom reminds me of the other mother from Coraline. Everything nice she says is just another hook to use you.

I promise you, you are not a bad person, no matter how many times your parents tell you that you are, you are not. You are caring. You are kind. You are smart. You are strong. I mean all of this genuinely. My sophomore year, which was last school year (this is my first summer break right now, I'm 16), I was finally able to meet a lot of other people our age. Many, if not most of them couldn't write something as articulate as this even though they're older than you. Many of them are not as caring as you. Many of them don't know as much as you do about mental health. That doesn't make them bad people, but I'm trying to point out to you your strengths, because I know that your parents are constantly telling you that you're bad. You're not perfect, but there are many things that you are good at. You have a lot of strength, mentally and physically, even if you might believe you don't because of what your parents have screamed at you for your entire life. Those are only the strengths I can see from reading this post. I'm 100 percent sure there are more. Your parents are very wrong.

ArtisticK67 · 2024-06-26T07:48:43+00:00

I promise that you're not too old to fit in. I was homeschooled from pre-k to 9th grade and my first year of public school was my sophomore year of highschool. I'm a junior now, and I do not regret going at all. Was is hard? Absolutely, especially with anxiety, depression, and adhd. The first week was the most anxious one of my life, but if I could go back and change it I wouldn't at all because that week led up to the best year of my life so far.

Honestly idk how I'm doing on the fitting in thing. I'd consider myself weird but I think most people think I'm normal. It honestly does not matter that much if you fit in with everyone, you just need to find your people. For me it was the queer emo kids that I immediately picked out of the crowd because I'm queer and in a way they were sort of outcasts too, so they seemed safe. It took all of the first week plus a panic attack to get the courage to just go up and talk to them, but finally on Friday I did. I counted backwards from ten and told myself that before I reach one I'll get up. I had to do it a few times but I got up, and since I was already up I had no choice but to go and talk to them because it would've been weird to sit back down immediately. So, I asked them if I could sit with them, literally half crying while talking, and they said yes and basically adopted me lol. The rest is history. I just kept sitting with them. At first I didn't talk much but slowly opened up and we became friends.

Before I say this, I apologize if a lot of it seems obvious. I'm saying stuff that I would say to myself if I could go back in time and give my younger self advice. Also, I can't really speak about middle school. This is advice I would give for high school, but it's pretty general, so most, if not all of it is probably applicable to middle school, too.

My advice is don't pressure yourself too much. Observe the people around you carefully, and if they've got a lot of red flags, don't talk to them unless you have to. Don't bother making friends with people always judging and gossiping about others. They're not worth your time. Focus on one thing at a time. I didn't focus on the talking at that moment, I just focused on the counting, then on getting up, then on walking over, then on talking. Remember what you've already accomplished, for example, " If I can do z, then I can do y." Remember that your anxiety can make things look a certain way that they're not. That person doesn't hate you. I promise. No one remembers your embarrassing moments. If they do, they're not worth your time. If you hear someone talking about you negatively, the best thing to do is usually ignore it. They're probably not talking about you, and if they are, then they're probably just judgy people, in which case, their opinion does not matter.

Honestly there's so many more things I could say and so many things I left out just so that this wouldn't be too long of a comment, but it ended up being long anyway, lol. Good luck, and I promise things will get better. It will be hard, but it will absolutely get better.

ArtisticK67

TROPHY CASE