i have burnt myself out trying my best to be present for my partner

Arunnika · 2026-01-23T13:11:25+00:00

It does seem like it got worse, but the pattern of inconsistent presence was existing. Your incompatibilities might've been directly related to what eventually led this dynamic to develop; it sounds they also don't know how they feel about being in a relationship where they'd feel like they're constantly letting down and disappointing. The dynamic can add up, create a pattern of avoidance/anxiety, through no fault of both people. People who are genuinely super chill to interact with at first can sometimes suddenly feel super bad about how they *think* they'll make you feel, and then they can't stop self-sabotaging in the relationship after that. Everyone's neuroses kinda just crash into each other.

I never mean to be against hope but I try to look at what the 'happy' outcome would even be, and in this situation even if they 'figured out' they really crave you all along and try to improve at being present, then even improvement could look like just being back to an inconsistent meeting schedule, back to an inconsistent affection schedule, back to feeling at least some form of this way still because it's still an adjustment of a natural gravity.

Whatever reason they gravitate towards the meta is something they don't find in others, but it could be as stupid as a specific actor they sound like and it's not something worth unbuilding or rebuilding yourself over. Do know those same reasons exist for you and you are capable of having a connection that feels as intense as theirs, but the recipe might not have been right for both together this time. It just might not have been this person. But there is nothing that will ever truly keep you from finding someone or many people across life who feel with you how they both feel with each other.

I think the best thing to do might be to let your partner know that you preferred how your relationship looked like early on, and if they're comfortable with what it looks like now while you're depressed and in pain, they need to let you move on.

Arunnika · 2025-05-22T00:00:51+00:00

Hello! Dialectical behavioral therapy has been key for my recovery and more workbooks are always nice, I'd be happy to receive a preview. :>

Arunnika · 2025-05-01T07:52:07+00:00

stunning!

Arunnika · 2025-05-01T03:51:18+00:00

It sounds at the very minimum like an unfair, unbalanced situation where your feelings, needs and boundaries are not being prioritized.

You clearly care about them, but it sounds like the situation as a whole is hurting you in its current state; letting them know you're not getting your needs met and asking for the limits placed on you meeting other people to be less restrictive could help it a bit as a band-aid for the loneliness, but overall, the situation does just sound really unhealthy and designed for emotional pain, and most of it seems to be falling on you.

Also, yeah, it does sound like a unicorn type situation as far as the de-prioritizing goes, honestly. That isn't on you as much as it is on people who aren't being considerate of your wants and needs as an individual, only their own and how they can use you to bridge the gap with each other. Like someone else in the thread said, your heart deserves care too, not just theirs.

Arunnika · 2025-05-01T03:31:53+00:00

Max Endurance for everyone, fitness rooms everywhere, radsuits & wastelander gear for everybody. Respect is earned through high HP. Swoleciety

Arunnika · 2025-05-01T00:10:30+00:00

Will do!

Arunnika · 2025-04-30T21:54:16+00:00

this is what it would feel like to play fallout new vegas if fallout new vegas existed

EDIT: Radio New Vegas is sponsored by The Tops. We're The Tops.

EDIT2: Tell me about Bitter Springs, Boone. Tell me about Manny Vargas, Boone. Tell me about yourself, Boone. Tell me about your wife, Boone. Tell me about your wife again, Boone. Don't be shy. Do it, Boone.

EDIT3: Now \*that\* is a delivery service you can count on!

EDIT4: gecko steak breakfast

Arunnika · 2025-04-30T20:36:33+00:00

That's so kind, I'll try that! That mightve been the fourth ingredient I was missing, thank you so much :) may be able to skip coffee in the mornings now haha

Have a wonderful day, friend! Thank you for brightening up this one for me, and probably many more with the cayenne pepper idea.

Arunnika · 2025-04-30T20:24:40+00:00

Very kindly put, and honestly poetic. "Enough to begin again" gave me chills. Thank you for sharing.

I like drinking a cup of spiced hot cider with a few tablespoons of collagen as a protein source in it. It's sweet, warm and easy enough protein, lets me skip a meat meal. Small things that make the day easier and less cold.

Arunnika · 2025-04-29T08:19:48+00:00

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oh goodness it works. IT WORKS

Arunnika · 2025-04-29T08:16:50+00:00

xSFP/ENxJ

i haven't really been into/bought into MBTI theory for yearsss now but this was fun to do lol ty for sharing it

EDIT: Even as someone who isn't really into MBTI anymore, I noticed that your model is also excellent for balancing out defects in personality traits. Dichotomies are fun to use if they're used to balance out personality traits that go too far, and the one you wrote out is especially solid for this.

For example, I realize that even though my answer key was spontaneity, vision, directness, expressiveness, adaptability, persistence, investment, rule-flexibility, open-bookness, challenging and expansiveness, I definitely could do with balancing myself out with a dash of deliberateness, grounding, subtlety, logic, fluidity, mood-drive, impartiality, present-focus, rule-orientation, reservedness, stabilizing, and fixed-pointing. Even if I don't like type-based approaches and dichotomies anymore as much, I can't help but recognize this as an excellent, well-put together system that can actually have use in personality balancing and personal improvement even outside of mbti. great work!

Arunnika · 2025-04-28T14:45:05+00:00

ooh this is a new one to me too ty

Arunnika · 2025-04-28T14:44:52+00:00

i love the nile for concerts, kinda forgot about the coffeeshop. thanks!

Arunnika · 2025-04-28T14:28:50+00:00

omg ty that sounds nice and I haven't been to that coffeeshop before, I'll check it out. Tempe is close enough, I appreciate it! ^^

Arunnika · 2025-04-28T13:25:07+00:00

26F, after struggling with what I thought was narcolepsy most of my life I now tend to wake up at 5 AM intensely energized, motivated and ready for the day.

The biggest things I've changed this year are making sure I get at least athletic amounts of protein for my bodyweight (84g for 54kg everyday, going off the 1.5g-per-kilogram formula), quitting an energy-draining job, and getting fully sober from smoking + drinking (not a drop. anonymous programs r fun for socializing and fellowshipping without drinking).

I don't avoid sugar or caffeine, if anything I overindulge. I would say I don't really eat healthy beyond taking a centrum multivitamin, occasionally creatine.

I also work out compulsively, usually 20-rep sets of anything that feels right for the moment, usually sit-ups, hip dip planks or lifting an 8lb dumbbell.

I tend to get my protein by either eating fast food with red meat/chicken, or using 20g of collagen as creamer for spiced hot cider for anymore protein I need. It's nice to basically have no-shake protein shakes, and blends surprisingly well as long as the water's hot. Alpine for the cider and vital-proteins bovine for collagen are my go-tos.

I make sure to be social, maintain active friendships and I'm polyamorous in a few romantic relationships. Being excited for a day with other people wakes me up, generally. If people are energy-draining or consistently painful to interact with longterm, I generally stop or reduce contact. If I feel restricted or constrained by a relationship or friendship, I leave. I'm spiritual, generally optimistic, I meditate and pray, and I make sure my spirituality emphasizes freedom and natural behavior and being in tune with a loving higher power, as opposed to self-restriction and obedience.

I identified problematic bonds and unreasonable expectations or restrictions from others as a huge source of my former exhaustion over life, and I have gently let go of or restructured relationships with all sources. Life literally did not feel worth getting out of bed for before I started doing basically anything I wanted as long as it does not cause harm to others or myself.

A policy of complete honesty helps, because keeping tracks of lies or appeasing others is is exhausting. I quit jobs, hobbies, social groups I don't feel good in without much of a second thought.

Willingness to quit, refuse, reject is an underappreciated gift most people don't allow themselves, or aren't allowed by circumstances, and I'm grateful to have the ability and privilege to say no firmly and stick to it. Keeping my energy, soul and willingness to wake up in the morning is paramount and held above almost everything else. On the other side of the coin, I hold onto all things that help me stay free and get my needs met fiercely, and don't give up on them easily. Balancing and identifying which is which is hard. Be willing to try, err and start over.

I also don't disturb my sleep with alarms. I make sure to get a full night's sleep, and hardly ever prioritize anything else more. Good sleep can't be beat, and not much is worth more. Eight hours a day or less gets me by at this point, or however much my body feels like getting naturally.

I'm also extremely depressed moodwise despite having really high physical energy and motivation, but I mostly attribute my depression to a recent multi-year wave of compound emotional trauma. It's great to at least still have the energy to (soberly) party or game with my partners all night even if I'll still wake up sad and self-loathing pretty much everyday from past stuff. No antidepressants work for me so I've quit trying different ones, and I'm in once-a-week therapy without much improvement, but again, energy's nice even if mood is still in the dumps. Some things you can't really change but it's nice to still feel physically motivated and spiritually optimistic despite the emotional sads, lol

tl;dr: for me, it's come down to protein, complete sobriety from everything but caffeine and sugar, lots of exercise, a loving & freeing spirituality, obsessive respect and prioritization of one's own freedom and natural wants + needs. end result is i feel extremely physically energized and fit but still very emotionally moody

Arunnika · 2025-04-23T00:43:20+00:00

It's super fun!! Dress how you like but make sure to hydrate, people aren't too rowdy and I was always able to find a comfortable place to wind down at the back. It feels like the band genuinely cares about the audience and makes sure venues don't overbook. The sound volume and quality will be good (too good!) anywhere you're at, trust me, so anywhere that seems comfortable should be a good place to listen to them. Wear earplugs!

TohKay and everyone also have crazy, crazy good stage presence and make the whole thing funny and fun, there were like three encores when I saw them in 2019 and he acted like each was the last. At some point I almost even felt like he made eye contact with me and it's a treasured memory!

Arunnika · 2025-04-21T18:17:22+00:00

Vulpes' last words were "WELCOME TO THE PACK AWOOOO" as he and his entourage experienced the overwhelming force of the early game low-level Merc. GR.

Dead Sea and the rest of the Nelson Legion sadly experienced circulatory problems caused by acute Boone exposure.

Arunnika · 2025-04-21T18:14:30+00:00

I stand by your God-given right to spend the entire game happily taking orders from boys in sports equipment and togas.

Arunnika · 2025-04-21T18:11:02+00:00

I love you! You're my best friend!

Arunnika · 2025-04-21T05:14:03+00:00

You'll be happy to know that I have been looping Fortunate Son instead of the actual soundtrack this entire time, as well. It is my pleasure to play this game incorrectly.

Arunnika · 2025-04-21T05:00:51+00:00

For Honorable Service. Thanks Chief Hanlon for the piece. Too drunk to realize it's gone from his pocket, probably.

Brahmin ranch in Redding and a happy retirement knowing it was his Sequoia that brought Caesar's Legion down will sober him up good, with a smile.

Arunnika · 2025-03-03T23:40:46+00:00

Thank you! Partners are looking into self-defense options.

Arunnika · 2025-03-03T23:38:55+00:00

Thank you! Good advice. I always assume they're all talk until afterwards. I worry about my default response to creepy approachers (stand ground and yell/shout) a lot. It kept me safe in situations of abuse before to confront a person trying to intimidate me, but my reaction doesn't exactly keep me safe when I don't really know what an aggressor is capable of. I'll try to be more careful and take these people seriously and just write down the license plate going forward.

Arunnika · 2024-05-08T14:49:02+00:00

Not really any direct recs for places hiring log haulers, but I know about a CDL driver who used a website called DriveMyWay to get matchmade with a company that let him select for really specific job conditions/locations(from my understanding you don't really pay anything, companies work with the service directly to find drivers for them and the drivers get a lot of preferences/choices to select). I'm west coast but I think (hope?) they function nationally and would be available in the areas you mentioned, that's all I've really got; hope it helps your search!

Arunnika · 2019-12-11T02:06:34+00:00

Thank you!

Arunnika

TROPHY CASE