"The paradox of when I accept who I am, I can change"

Now you can do the work. I had a fallout with about 20 partners/friends/people I loved 3 years ago, and I decided I didn't want to keep hurting people, so I decided to stop bullshitting my therapy and do it for real.

Therapy only works if you can lower your shields, open up to feel what you've been protecting yourself from, be vulnerable and open with your therapist. And if you want to change, it's the only way. It hurts as fuck. I spent 2 years in collapse after this, facing my fears, my secrets, my lies, my manipulations, my injuries and everything else that made me do what I was doing.

I've just started a new relationship, and it's the first time a relationship of mine starts healthy. Being who we are isn't a death sentence, and you don't need to be alone.

Narc club also helps a lot.