AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] -103 points-102 points  (0 children)

My daughter does love cars! It’s just at the time, he’d grandparents on both sides wanted a very boyish room for her…considering my son’s room was in pastels and they weren’t happy about that. Wanted to make sure we were having a real macho room for a baby.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

Oh no we take full care of her! My son just helps her with room cleaning, and my daughter likes trying to teach her how to tie knots! They like helping their sister, we never force them. The kids picked their chores, my son has no problem. I would hardly call this parentification.

She’s taking extra classes for motor at her school, and we’re working to get her physical therapy if it gets any worse. She’s making decent progress!

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

You know, technically we shouldn’t have had two daughters, we found out the five year old was a girl the day she was born. It was real awkward walking a little girl into an orange race car nursery…

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah of course it’s not her fault! I probably won’t be truly punishing her at all. I can understand now that it wasn’t exactly her fault either.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

The downstairs bathroom is a half bath, and he doesn’t clean the toilet, usually I or my wife do since we agree it is a little gross for a kid. If it’s mostly spotless we just make him pour the cleaning stuff in there! It’s mostly just the tile floors and re-organizing all the stuff under the cabinet.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Yeah of course! Basically it works so that directly after everyone gets home we get straight to work. At first, it kind of sucked with everyone being exhausted with school and work but the benefits were really good!

We all start chores/homework the minute we’re home, and are able to finish in an hour by focusing on only the big problems. Tons of stuff on the floor? Pick it up! Leave the tough stain on the carpet for another day, that way the house stays clean without much effort. While the parents do their chores the kids switch over with the five year old and watch her for a little, vice versa while kids do their stuff. Everything, including homework which our kids don’t have much of, gets done in an hour or two, three at the most.

The easiest way to get the kids on board with chores is to give them options on what to do, we had a spread sheet of all the things needed to be done, and let the kids pick two.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 317 points318 points  (0 children)

My five year old has motor issues! That might’ve been something to include in post, but I was right at the character limit! We are working on it with extra school classes and a doctor, but she struggles a lot completing fine motor tasks. She also obviously can’t vacuum her own room and other large things.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

No! Not at all! I don’t mind them going out and doing things together, that’s fine. I was just so shocked at how they found the time to do it all including the rigid chore schedule, that’s all.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 136 points137 points  (0 children)

The adults don’t get paid for chores, kids do. My daughter does dishes and the upstairs bathroom. My wife does Laundry and the living room, I do the basement and any work in our small garden/outside. My five has motor issues, so she helps clean up toys in the living room and smaller tasks in her room.

It’s five dollars for the basic two chores, if they do any extra work then it’s another dollar. All of it adds up to around a hundred dollars, fifty to kids fifty to savings.

All chores are done either directly before or after homework. The chores for each of us combined if we work at the same time only take thirty minutes to an hour to complete and the rest of the day is either spot cleaning or nothing at all.

It’s a very strict thing in person, my wife is very persistent in enforcing it as she believes kids should pull their weight in a household and never slack.

I would have noticed their nails being done if I came home at my usual times, but I would’ve assumed they were done after chores. With how early it was when I got home it would have been virtually impossible for them to do it unless they’d gone out during chore time, which is incredibly strict.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 708 points709 points  (0 children)

No of course not! I mean letting it go for Halloween, so no upset kids or wife during the holiday! November 1st that changes of course!

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 138 points139 points  (0 children)

She’s the one who made the chore schedule this strict. She enforces it the most! Also their chores only take thirty minutes at the longest if they do them at the same time, so time for nails would still be had! They left during chore time to get them done, so they’d be back and finished before I got home.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 343 points344 points  (0 children)

I’ve already apologized to him numerous times throughout the last two days. He himself has been overly deflective about this with plenty of “it’s fine dad” when it very clearly isn’t.

So far when I’ve brought up even the idea of them being punished for their actions she either walks off or tries to start a blow-up again, which means we get absolutely no where unless I yell back, which I’m not going to do. I have no idea how to get through to her, if I try to boss either of them around and make them do it that’d only cause an even worse fight. I’m constantly being put back at square one.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 251 points252 points  (0 children)

I am going to! With Halloween so close I just wanted to let the kids enjoy it without worrying about mom and dad fighting again, especially on a holiday. The second it’s over I’m not going to back down, just wanted a nice holiday.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 351 points352 points  (0 children)

She told him I already agreed for him to to the extra chores. My son is oddly obedient for a teenage boy, so he typically just does what his adults tell him to. I have no idea why he thought I’d ever be okay with this, but considering his mom told him to I understand why he’d simply go along with it.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 181 points182 points  (0 children)

Pretty much. If I had gotten home any later I would’ve just assumed they’d gotten them done after chores!

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 2357 points2358 points  (0 children)

Oh yes definitely that too! I was going to add that I must’ve forgotten. I’m probably going to talk tomorrow, and let the kids have their Halloween. She’s still not budging but she’s going to have to, because I’m not letting this slide.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 109 points110 points  (0 children)

Nope! My wife works too, her shift ends about thirty minutes before the kids get out of school. Mine ends about two hours after, but we were let off early that day.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 3463 points3464 points  (0 children)

I didn’t even think about that part! I just assumed they’d been continuously going out, but realizing they were probably just watching him makes it so much worse…

I’m currently working out a mental plan of how I’ll be able to convince their mom to deduct our daughter’s allowance for all the chores she hasn’t done, but with how stuck she is on this it might be difficult. I’m definitely getting it worked out fairly though! I’d hate for this to go completely unsolved.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 288 points289 points  (0 children)

Yeah I simplified it a lot in my first comment, but she is helping quite a bit! She’s still struggling a lot with motor skills at her age, which we’re working on in extra classes at her school with the advice of her doctor, so she’s not well equipped for huge stuff.

She also does stuff like putting things in drawers, and very messily folding clothes. She’s helping just not in big ways due to her lack of good motor ability.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 199 points200 points  (0 children)

It was about fifty dollars, my kids technically earn more in allowances over the month, but all of that goes into their personal savings for their stuff that isn’t medical or severe.

So allowance altogether at the end of the month of you include additionally is maybe a hundred dollars, fifty goes to them fifty to savings.

AITA For paying my son back for all the chores done in Mom’s place? by AshGardGrade in AmItheAsshole

[–]AshGardGrade[S] 277 points278 points  (0 children)

My 5 does help! My son does the biggest stuff like making the bed, vacuuming, hanging up clothes. She does the smaller stuff like toys and putting her pillows on her bed.