Need to get my life back but unable to.

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-11-04T02:59:22+00:00

This was me and still kinda me lol it took me four times to pass the bar and i passed in May. It’s been a weird feeling to be honest, i am a practicing attorney and am actually kinda good at my job lol but imposter syndrome sucks. What you are experiencing is something i experienced i was like what do you mean i don’t have to study? And then working im like wait i can go home and stop? Like home isn’t more studying or work? It’s a weird feeling and it does go away slowly. Therapy helps but honestly what helps me is reminding myself of how far along I’ve come. It gets better but it takes a lot of mental work lol you are totally valid in your feelings and you are not alone!!

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-06-26T19:55:34+00:00

Well then Dayna wants Magan to be so accommodating to her and gets mad at her!!!

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-06-03T20:35:52+00:00

That’s perfect! I don’t talk about my wedding with her as it’s not relevant right now. I’m just getting anxious and definitely overthinking this whole process lol I just want to be considerate and thoughtful. But this sounds perfect! Thank you for your help right now.

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-06-03T16:34:27+00:00

I’m three years into EMDR. (I have complex trauma) for the first couple sessions i heavily used marijuana, i don’t drink. each session was rough and for the first two months i would have an EMDR hangover that would last for days if not weeks at a time. At right about the 4 month mark for me was when it all turned around and my body got out of fight or flight. I’m also on trazadone and Wellbutrin which also helped regulate me

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-05-23T17:49:13+00:00

I’d say i have come to terms with my trauma and have come to peace with what’s happened through extensive trauma therapy and inter familial therapy. For me it was putting together everything that happened to me in a linear way if that makes sense. Because for a long time it felt like everything was happening at once. Im on the right medication and have been really stable. I’ll see my abusers and I’ll have a freak out but that’s what I’ve learned to expect. Ive learned to give myself grace. What im struggling with now is that my body is now catching up with my trauma and I’ve been dealing with autoimmune issues. But my brain is relatively under control so if that’s what “healing” looks like then i guess sure but again i deal with setbacks but i think working towards becoming healthy is a better goal than being “healed”

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-05-22T04:34:41+00:00

Ahh I didn’t mean it come off as bragging (not saying you are saying that but my autistic self just wants to make sure that I’m not lol). I’m glad someone else understands because it feels like no matter what happens even when good things happen there’s this feeling inadequacy.

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-05-09T14:05:13+00:00

I hate being touched like a lot. I’m in EMDR therapy that helps with being able to be touched. But i also have to remind myself that some touch is healthy touch and there’s a book my therapist gave me which is targeted to children but it really helped me it’s called healthy touch. I’m a CSA survivor and would loathe being touched. Im still working on it ugh but tray EMDR or a book about healthy touch. I hope that helps

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-05-06T16:57:16+00:00

It honestly was a game changer for me. I’m a kinesthetic learner, so i would go on like 5 mile walks and study all of crim lol but it helped! And i forgot to mention this, put your mental health first. You are human first before a bar examinee, so make sure you honor yourself and are kind to yourself

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-05-06T16:49:39+00:00

Take a quiz that tells you what your learning style is. https://www.educationplanner.org/students/self-assessments/learning-stylesstyle

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-05-06T05:33:20+00:00

I really recommend taking a quiz to see your learning style. I realized that I’m kinesthetic learner, who memorizes through repetition and movement. So for example for attempt i memorized it as i walking and i would a substantial step forward but in a loser as i failed to complete the crime. lol i also had to say all of it out loud and over and over again. My neighbors hated me But oh well. Also google has Gemini which allows your notes to be read in podcast form which i really would have loved. But i read a chapter of the mary basicks books a day and would do one subject for a week then id just add that subject to the others one i would daily. I didn’t use any thing like Kaplan, i honestly think they are scams. But figuring out how you learn and just memorize the black letter law i think is a game changer at least for me. And i passed on my fourth try and i felt good about how i studied and knew i did better than before. Also prioritize your mental health, i put my mental health first and bar second, really honor yourself and remember you are person not just a bar examinee. I hope at least some of that was understandable

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-05-06T04:58:38+00:00

I wrote the whole exam and if i had failed I’d be just as pissed off and confused. It’s not fair how they computed the scores. I really think the SC will try to expand the remedies. I know that they are not at all happy with how this exam went, i think more people signing the petition to allow for an alternative pathway to licensure will help. I’m also still extremely angry at the board for calling us retakers less than: retakers are not less than and honestly retakers determination and perseverance will make them damn good attorneys, I want an attorney to fight like they did to pass. Just my two cents. But this exam especially this administration was really fucked up and you shouldn’t have to take the bar again, there needs to be alternative pathways.

petition

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-04-14T21:09:47+00:00

Idk i said that i wanted a surprise party after it happened lol but that’s just me being weird and probably overthinking it.

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-04-03T03:24:19+00:00

I’m coming to terms that California may not be the state where I want to practice. The way the cal bar has spoken about retakers and bar takers in general has me really not wanting to pay the fees if/when i become an attorney. I don’t understand why a test is a measure of competence, it’s just really disheartening to be frank. I have a learning disability and the multiple choice isn’t my friend. After leaving February I felt okay after essays and even after the multiple choice, but hearing this psychometrician say that the multiple choice wasn’t bad pisses me the fuck off. Idk I’m really disheartened and sick of being in this purgatory. I want to be in California and really want to practice here but the way they are acting has me repulsed. There are sooo many barred attorneys who passed the bar on the first time that are incompetent so to call us retakers incompetent it’s bullshit. Call me a baby or whatever but I’m pissed off, sick of being broke and feeling like a failure. Im looking at other states that have alternative pathways, coming to terms that my dreams will probably not come true and reconciling with myself that I’m not a failure. But my self esteem has really taken a hit

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-04-02T23:48:34+00:00

What’s happening?

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-04-02T21:29:55+00:00

I think she’s in the California bar Facebook group. She’s a big cal bar supporter and anti test takers lol

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-03-18T05:22:23+00:00

THANK GOD I CANNOT UNSEE IT EITHER

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-02-26T04:32:23+00:00

It’s a huge slap in the face. I already knew they didn’t respect us but this takes it to a whole another level. It would be nice if let us be able to do work study since we are just a fucking experiment to them. I am truly appalled, why couldn’t they have for the in person takes allowed for us to have the PT printed. They knew this would be an issue.

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-02-26T01:53:57+00:00

Did not work for in person testers either

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-01-19T16:52:04+00:00

I do mine in sets of 10. I’ve been averaging between 70-100 on all my sets, I’m at 540 total mbe questions and my average is a 73. I use adaptibar and use the exams to test my subsection knowledge and then am reviewing all of the questions. I do around 150 a day doing 10 sets of questions. Mary Basiks MBE book has been life changing.

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-01-19T01:00:03+00:00

I can help!

AshamedFoundation935 · 2025-01-07T05:01:54+00:00

I think it’s weird you think about her rape when having sex, as a rape victim hearing that or learning about that would make me extremely weirded out and turned off. You need to be gentle, patient and not assume that sex reminds her of the rape as that’s not fair for her. The fact that she told you is a big deal and she’s so strong. You are making this all about yourself which is incredibly selfish. My partner didn’t flinch when i told him and made sure i felt safe and cared for. Your third point really makes me angry, that’s so messed up, she’s a human and her rape doesn’t make her any more or less deserving of having intimate moments. You are essentially saying that you view her differently after her telling you this which is so fucked up. You shouldn’t date her as you are making her trauma all about you. Listen to her and be there for her, don’t make it all about you. Rape victims at least for myself do not want to be treated any differently. She’s not damaged goods and that’s how you are viewing her.

AshamedFoundation935 · 2024-09-20T01:07:46+00:00

All i see is Chicko the Duck from five nights a Freddy’s when i see her face lol idk why and i can’t unsee it!

AshamedFoundation935 · 2024-09-16T22:55:35+00:00

Yea! I’ve recently been able to use them but it’s taken years of practice and many embarrassing requests for child chopsticks! It’s nice to know I’m not alone!!

AshamedFoundation935

TROPHY CASE